Character Lore | Alex / Nick

A brief character study-turned-lore for two of AOS' ROs, m!A and m!N, in a possible scenario in the love triangle route (between A and J), and a nb!Thief.

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“Why do you keep doing this to yourself?” Alex runs a hand through his hair at Nick’s question, his words harsh, no hint of his friend’s usual charm in them.

“I’m not doing anything, Nick,” the man replies with a sigh, adjusting his glasses on his face. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

A lie, one his oldest friend clearly sees through, if Nick’s clenched jaw is any indicator. Alex knows what prompted this discussion, few things trigger Nick like this, but this is something Alex doesn’t want to face. Is that so wrong of him?

Nick huffs, a sardonic smile stretching his lips. “Sure you don’t,” he crosses his arms, looking like a model who perfected the pose and now just pulls it off effortlessly. Alex wonders if he should start trying to tend to his looks better, maybe she would appreciate it. “Let me refresh your memory, then. We’re talking about how partner seems to love their boss so much more than they love you.”

“They don't love the suit,” Alex replies, hands tightening on the kitchen island in front of him.

“Yes, I’m sure they look at every handsome man out there like that,” Nick leans back on the stool he’s perched on, his piercing blue eyes blazing, like the ocean in a storm.

Alex holds his friend’s gaze, knowing that looking away would be conceding defeat, and this isn’t something he’s willing to lose at. “They don't look at him in any way, they're with me and they love me, not Joshua nor anyone else.”

“Oh, they so look at him,” Nick lets out a mirthless laugh, shaking his head at Alex. “They look at you like you’re a friend they really care about, not like you’re the man that makes them consider having a family with.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Alex closes his eyes as he speaks, loathing the pity he can see in Nick’s eyes, refusing to listen to the insufferable voice in his head that says maybe, just maybe, Nick is right.

“Oh, I sure as hell do.”

“And how would you know that?”

“Because that’s how they looked at me all those years ago!”

Alex can tell Nick hadn’t meant to say it by the sharp intake of breath the man took right after the words came out, but it was too late.

He spins around, finding Nick standing up straight, his lips in a thin line and hands balled into fists over the dark marble of the counter. Alex knows he shouldn’t go down that rabbit hole, he knows he should shut up and pretend this never happened -- Nick would follow his cue, his friend isn’t that insensitive… but he can’t.

“That’s what this is all about, huh?” Nick’s shoulders sag at his words, his head hanging as he slowly shakes his head. “You can’t stand to see me dating one of your exes, can you?”

“You know damn well this isn’t what this is about,” his friend starts saying, his voice low and controlled, though Alex is too far gone to take the hint, to care about reigning in the poorly concealed anger in his words.

“Isn’t it?” Alex inquires as he starts to pace on the other side of the counter. “I never got the date, not when you were in the picture.”

“Alex--”

“You’re always the pretty face, the charming, handsome one, the one everyone runs to like you’re made of honey or some shit,” his voice is raising, Nick’s eyes following him through the kitchen, jaw clenched, only his slow breaths breaking his near immobile stance. “I am always the other one, the weird, socially awkward and funny looking friend,” Alex stops pacing as Nick rolls his eyes. “But guess what, they don’t want you, they want me. They chose me.”

“You think I want to be with them?” Nick scoffs, taking a few steps away before turning back around, his eyes wide and incredule. “Just to refresh your memory, I’m the one who broke up with them. Why would I want them back now? Can’t you see how stupid that sounds?”

Part of him knows what Nick is saying to make sense, but that part of him is shoved into a dark corner in his mind, his emotions running wild in full control of his words and actions now. “You always want what you can’t have, that’s just who you are.”

“I would never steal your partner.”

“I’m not so sure you wouldn’t, Nicholas.”

Alex bites his own tongue as the words come out of his mouth, an unmistakable flash of hurt clouding Nick’s eyes as his words land like a whip. 

He shouldn’t have said that. Nick might be many things, but Alex knows his friend would never betray him like that.

He knows he should apologize, but Nick’s face hardens, the cold and calculated mask he’s perfected over the years slipping back into place, and just like that it’s too late for an apology.

Alex knows Nick far too well, and he knows he fucked up. He's aware his friend is going to bottle that up and bury it deep in him, mulling it over whenever he feels like finding excuses as to why he doesn’t deserve to be happy and to justify his dubious decisions -- he’s got plenty that Alex knows of, and this one? This one had been a custom made gift to him, thanks to Alex’s big mouth.

Grabbing his jacket from the nearby couch, Nick tips an invisible hat to Alex, a smirk slicing across his face like a sharp blade had carved it in. “Good to know that’s how you feel.”

“Why can’t you just be happy for me?” Alex asks, defeat clear in his voice.

It doesn’t deter Nick, apparently, who huffs at the question. “Because you’re not happy. You’re fooling yourself into thinking you are, accepting that half-assed love a person who loves another man is giving you because you don’t think you can do better.”

Nick closes the distance to the door with long, confident strides, hesitating just before turning the handle, his head turning so he can finish talking over his shoulder. “Because when they're done with you, I’m the one who’s going to stick around picking up the pieces, and right now I’m not so sure I want to.”

His words weigh on Alex like an omen.

They stare at each other for a moment, silence heavy between them. Alex could stop him from leaving, but he knows Nick will be back, he’ll be gone doing god knows what for a couple of days and then come back as if nothing’s happened, like he always does. 

His words had hurt Alex, opened a can of worms he has no idea how he’s going to close, yet Alex can’t say he hadn’t hurt Nick just as well, maybe even more, though he doubts he’ll ever know.

However, he's sure Nick won't abandon him, this isn't the first time they’ve argued over all these years, and it likely won’t be the last. 

Maybe he should walk away, maybe Alex never really deserved Nick’s friendship… but he isn’t selfless enough to point that out.

Nick will be back, and it’s that certainty that keeps him from speaking up. A sickening confidence that his friend won’t ever leave him, no matter how many times Alex fucks up, like he always does -- and it makes him sick.

Everything Nick said made sense, from a logical point of view. Alex isn’t stupid, but his friend wasn’t always right. Maybe this time they would both be wrong, maybe this time things would work out for the best and Nick would bring that up as a joke years in the future, admitting how wrong he’d been.

Foolish, a little voice in his head chimes in. His own conscience, mocking him.

Turning his head back around, Nick opens the door, almost running into someone on his way out.

“Oh, Nick, hey. Am I interrupting something?” a soft voice asks from the other side of the doorstep, a voice Alex knows all too well, one that always brings him calm and tranquility… except for now.

The smile on Nick’s voice is loud and clear even from where Alex stands, but he’s not fast enough to close the distance to save his partner from his friend’s sharp words. “Oh, you mean other than his life and chance at finding happiness because you can’t make up your mind? Nope, nothing. How’s Josh doing, by the way?”

Seconds seem to stretch forever after he speaks, Alex closing his eyes as he takes a deep breath halfway to the door. A hurt Nick is brutal, Alex just wishes he’d been fast enough to get them out of his friend’s crosshairs.

“Fuck you,” they say in a breathless voice, shouldering their way inside the apartment, short, quick steps leading them to where Alex stands.

Nick doesn’t bother responding, chuckling as he closes the door behind him.

Alex wraps his arms around them when they come close enough, burying their head in his chest.

“Sorry about that,” he says, running a hand on their back. “Nick’s not in a very good mood today, he didn’t mean it.” Only he did. Alex knows it, Nick always means what he says, he just hopes they don’t know that.

They turn their head to the side, staring at the door. “Clearly,” they mumble.

“How was work?” Alex tries to change the subject, to occupy his mind so Nick’s words won't carve their way into his mind.

They merely shrugs, looking up at him with a small smile. “Same old boring stuff, nothing special,” they lean forward, giving Alex a chaste kiss before untangling themselves from his arms. “I’m going to take a quick shower, mind choosing dinner tonight?”

Without waiting for his response, they practically run to the bathroom. Alex takes a deep breath, their sweet perfume overpowering all his senses -- enough to calm him down, not enough to erase the doubts creeping up on him.

What if Nick was right? He can’t forget all the times he’s seen them looking at Joshua when they thought no one else was looking, or the times when they seem to drift off into their own world, forgetting everyone -- Alex included -- who’d be around them. It's the curse of having perfect recollection; all the details he’d brush off as being his own paranoid mind tricking him rush to the forefront of his mind, and suddenly he really needs to sit down.

Maybe they do love the suit. Maybe they love him more than they love Alex, even regret starting to date him. And maybe someday they’ll walk away, leave him for the suit, for the comfort and stability he could give them.

His heart tugs at the thought, at the ridiculously realistic idea of a future where his partner leaves him for Joshua, and it hurts. It hurts, but the idea of breaking things off with them hurts even more.

So what if he gets hurt in the end? At least he has now, at least he’ll be able to say he was loved, that he made them happy, even if just for a short while.

It’ll be worth it. They are worth it.

And in the end… as horrible as it is of him to think of it, in the end he’ll still have Nick.