October Ramble - Jenny storyboards a dark internet ritual

rewatching some of your older patreon vids and i love this sm. may i add that during the entire ritual you must be listeing to "disco miniature golfing queen" from phineas and ferb.

sagaevan

I love the videos where you're inventing something, like your own ritual or your ideal dark ride! It makes me want to join in. If I were to invent a ritual, I'd call it "the museum game." The next time you're at a museum, no matter what kind of it is, pick one of the exhibits that shows a human figure (it could be a person in a painting, a mannequin in a historical exhibit, or even a cartoon character demonstrating some scientific concept). Read every word on the plaque of the exhibit three times without speaking out loud. (Ideally, you don't want a plaque that's too wordy, one that's easy to memorize.) Still without speaking to anyone around you, look at the eyes of the figure that's part of the exhibit and repeat what you've just read, as much as you can remember, in your head. If you can't remember everything you just read or if you break eye contact with the figure or you're forced to speak to someone near you, reread the exhibit's plaque again and look once more into the figure's eyes, and silently repeat the text of the plaque in your head. The more accurately you repeat the text of the plaque and the more steady your gaze at the figure, the more effective the ritual will be. Turn and walk away from the exhibit without speaking a word aloud. There is now a connection between you and the figure in that exhibit. Continue to think periodically about the text of the plaque and the eyes of the figure until bedtime that night. When you go to bed that night, do not immediately put your head on the pillow. Instead, sit up in bed and once more run through the text of the plaque that you remember in your head while visualizing the exhibit figure in your mind, especially the figure's eyes. This will reestablish your connection with the figure. Then, close your eyes and lie down. As you go to sleep, continue picturing the figure and mentally reciting the name of the exhibit over and over. While you're asleep, the figure will come to you in a dream, and when it comes, you can ask it any questions that you want and it will answer those questions truthfully. However, there are limits to the figures' knowledge. They are more knowledgeable when the questions are related to the subject of their museum (like historical figures can tell you more about history, even parts of history that living humans don't know), but they may not know things outside of their subject area (like they might not know about your ideal future career or if you're ever going to get married). If you ask the figure questions it doesn't know the answer to, it will apologize and admit that it doesn't know, and if they can't answer even one of the questions that you ask though the whole night, they will give you a gift in your dream to make up for it. No matter they offer you, just accept the gift and thank them. Even if it doesn't look like a gift you might want, remember that this is a dream, and the gift is a representation for a wish granted. When you wake up in the morning, think about your gift and the wish you most want granted. If you can still remember what the exhibit's plaque said and repeat it in your mind before you get out of bed, you will get your wish. If you're wondering why the exhibit has to include a human figure instead of an animal, it's because if you did this ritual with an animal, you'd just dream about the animal, and it would just be there, acting like an animal, and animals don't talk, don't answer questions, and don't give presents. If you pick an exhibit with a dinosaur, you will see the dinosaur in your dream, but if it's a carnivorous one, it's definitely going to eat you, and no one will ever see you again in real life.

Tracy Christenson

Honestly the baby eating isn’t as much of a drawback as drinking golf course water.

Magicalbunbun

I think most mini golf courses have 9 holes. A regulation course has 18 so the mini ones typically have half that. Also, I think you look great with your glasses, save those eyes!

Michael DeBellis

Ina Garten in her witches hat "If you can't harvest your own toadstools by the light of the moon, store bought is fine"

Katie Gogerty

new raaaaaamble... roomble..... roomphamble

Tyler Tuthill

Please wear your glasses if your eyes are too tired!

Charlotte Vinsen

the pseudo-satanic ritual feat. blood and animal parts where the goal is to get a demon to get you money but instead of a jansport backpack the demon shows up and asks for your routing number and makes a direct deposit of money into your bank account

Persephone Hope Litchfield

Fantastic beasts 1 deep dive! Just saw the second one yesterday and JK Rowling needs to be held accountable for her poor story structure.

Jon Auerbach

The fantastic beasts one deep dive: Yes, please. And Jeff the Killer two, I need it.

Talic-os

Well, became a patron less than a week ago, watched every Ramble now. I personally think this suggests very good things about the way I use my freetime, and no one can tell me otherwise.

Richard Morrall

I, too, am VERY opinionated about glasses.

Dillon Enarson

First: you should wear your glasses to let the haters know what time it is. One of my favourite things to do when I am facetiming with a friend is to position my light so that there is maximum glare on my lenses. I don't know why I get a kick out of it but I do. Second: I want to put my vote on the in depth review of the first Fantastic Beasts movie. My favourite video you have uploaded is the Dumping on 50 Shades Freed for 25 minutes. I love a good dragging of rubbish cinema and no one does it better than you. Whatever video you upload next will be great, though. Third: There really isn't a third. It just seems like things should be listed in threes. I guess third: You are awesome, Jenny.

Tyler James

Also controversy around the casting of Johnny Depp, and the reveal of Nagini as having secretly been a Korean woman all along (which sounds like a joke but it is not)

Erin Rockfort

Seriously. Just wear what you want. Especially for a Ramble where a bit of glare or whatever (I assume this is why people care?) should be less of a concern because the videos are meant to be more informal.

tim_schu

Do they reveal that Dumbledore was just faking, like Jack Tripper on Three's Company? Which means that Snape was Larry? And Voldemort was Mr. Furley?

Steve Ray

its not as much controversy its just that it's so bad, i haven't seen it my only knowledge is based on twitter

Evan Bobrow

There's controversy about FB2? To do with the news that Dumbledore's no longer really gay since it might hurt ticket sales? Absurd but I didn't expect anything else of J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter always had the sexual and racial politics of a 1970s sitcom.

Stuart Payne

Your glasses are great, forget the haters. :(

drij

based on your tweets about it i now Need a fantastic beasts 2 breakdown ideally just you and lindsay ellis getting increasingly angrier via skype

Evan Bobrow

i really thought you were about to say "the marvel cinematic universe for girls" and started fantasising about strawberry shortcake, hamtaro and barbie teaming up

Bethany Gemmell

I don't really care about the order but I love your videos that use clips, so deep dive Fantastic Beasts 1 sounds awesome.

R.G. Nairam

I heard the Hotel Cecil now offers rooftop mini-golf.

Steve Ray

Getting any content from you will be good :) I think a critic or impression if fantastic beasts 2 and then analysis for fantastic beasts 1 and contrasting with some of the flaws you noticed in 2 could be good. Anyway can't wait for what you post next :)

Doctor. P

Wait you're not allowed to write notes or prepare for a ramble?

Luis

Great Caesar's ghost! Rotational exhalatory arm-flapping? It's not a Taylor Swift video!

Tom Bowling

Now that you mention it, Hereditary was all about a set of 12-year-long-plus dark rituals that just didn't work out. Step One: Have a child or grandchild. Step Two: Keep said descendant alive until they reach puberty. Step Three:....

Steve Ray

In the interest of maximizing organic YouTube views / clicks / subscribes, I say do a Quick Cruel Hot Take on Fantastic Beasts 2, because it's timely. And unless FB1's flaws have really inspired you, and you need to Let The Hatred Stream, do the Disney Avatar video instead.

Steve Ray

If your flashing glasses are making somebody woozy, that's on them. They could tilt their phone away, scroll down a little so the flashy part isn't on screen, avert their eyes, or otherwise NOT look at the thing that hurts to look at. Do they stare at the sun and complain about that, too?

Steve Ray

The rotational exhalatory arm-flapping already outdoes Dorktor Strange six ways to Sunday.

Steve Ray

I get it, and no offence but if that person is still here they should at least appreciate that you're suffering throughout the video for them when your eyes are already tired

Mariayuri Kumagae

Okay, I'm warming to this dark internet ritual business. Besides the specific colored golf ball, can we throw in some Doctor Strange spell casting hand gestures?

Tom Bowling

Somebody said the light reflecting off of them when I move my head affected their photosensitivity or something. I mean I don't love how that happens either. But I don't actually know if that person is still a patron anymore so I might just go back to glasses if I need to in the future and see how it goes

Jenny Nicholson

I love your Creepypasta vids, so that one gets my vote! I'd also love to see your Disney footage, too. (I bet it's gonna be better than Escape from Tomorrowland, though your scathing review of that movie is my absolute favorite video of yours, omg). And your comments about a ritual that takes three years to complete reminded me of the movie "A Dark Song" which is pretty much that plot -- and I actually liked it a lot better than Hereditary. Anyway, so happy you're doing well on Patreon! Your videos are great and I swear I could listen to your thoughts on just about anything :D

Avon Gale

Haha...judging from Jenny's tweets it doesn't seem likes its even worth that.

Eric MacMillan

You got that the other way around

Stop making her wear glasses, people!

Tabea Zeltner

I like how the harmless ritual unprecedentedly escalates into the risk of causing infanticide. By the way, did anyone else notice the imperial droid in the background resembling a gas mask discreetly watching you? It's unsettling. I'll take it as a subtle detail to go with the dark theme of the video and ascribe it to the genius of the person responsible. Thank you for this video, Jenny. It made my day. (And don't have other people decide whether to wear glasses or not.)

David Wilhelm Beckmann

Having seen your tweets about FB2, I would love to hear your thoughts on it, although the other fantastic beasts video sounds really cool too. Anything creepypasta from you is always welcome and I'd love to see the disney world one too! Really just do what you feel like.

TalysAlankil

would love another creepypasta video!!

emma faye

I’m fairly sure you’d beat a gnome at mini golf. For a start you’re making him play with what is pretty much a caber to a gnome – and then pointedly calling it <i>mini</i> golf. You’re probably sniggering when he looks away, you monster.

Stuart Payne

Go deep on Fantastic Beasts

Nick G

It got dark as soon as the water step. Drink up!

Dundough Breadbox

Ooooh the Avatar one sounds good! Btw you can just put glasses on. It's okay.

Mariayuri Kumagae

please do a video on the first fantastic beasts bc i feel like so many people have already seen it, so we get a decent rip into the series without having to pay to see (and thereby support) the second one

Holli

I'm cool with the Fantastic Beast thing. Newt Scamander's accent was so thick in the last film, I could only understand about every third word he said.

Tom Bowling

I usually don't care what you do, but I'm gonna vote against Fantastic Beasts. I really like the first one and think it's been laid into way too much. Despite that, my expectations for COG are actually fairly low, but if I don't like it, I'll probably just prefer to move on rather than watch someone lay into it. Also, I'm waiting to see it because of Depp, so I wouldn't even be able to watch that one until later

matt

Great video as always. I would like to see Disneys Avatar thing.

Jason James

Stream that shit

Sarah Unan

Oh God, I'm sorry to spam with comments. I just wanted to chime in that I am so excited for the takedown of Fantastic Beasts. Your videos on movies are always my favorites. I will not be seeing the new Fantastic Beasts, but I am here and ready for whatever content you'll be putting out for them. I am also really interested in more creepypasta videos!

Jewel Jackson

Oh what I would give for an ounce of Jenny's creativity! Guess I'll never look at another baby again, not like that was my thing anyway. Jeff Part 2 will be great no matter when it comes no rush on that!

Luis

Part of the ritual should be asking the gnome their name: "If the gnome's name is Jeff, immediately cease the ritual. Jeff is an asshole."

Matthew McCoy

Disney creepy pasta sounds great!!! Interested to know if you’ve read the one about Living with the Land (<a href="https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.wattpad.com/amp/117535137)" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.wattpad.com/amp/117535137)</a> and another I can’t seem to find anymore about seven dwarves mine train?

Taylor Crossley

Exactly, you've got to put it all together and look at it holistically to understand the true confession.

Tobasco da Gama

I wanna see your WDW video way more than Jeff the Killer. .-.

Dancing Giraffe

i will! thanks for the hot tip! :)

anthony grey

OMG the robbing-Peter-to-pay-Paul part was *disinformation* -- Jenny has been *leveraging* rituals, using the prize from one to complete the next! Clearly, she beat the gnome at mini-golf, demanded Jake Paul (a physical object) as her prize, and then refused to free the Paul unless he brought her 250K extra subscribers.

Steve Ray

Watch closely...there are a couple.

Steve Ray

Nobody should be locked into one machine anymore

Jason Wynn

Yea, but not that specific one. Even a phone

Jason Wynn

I was wondering why Giant Porg was out of frame but then I got to "DO NOT LOOK AT THE BIRD" and it all made sense.

Shaun Cheah

I thought it was gnomes for physical objects and one of the Pauls for YouTube success.

Shaun Cheah

Surely you'd still need a laptop to access the cloud, right?

Shaun Cheah

I am going to do the mini golf ritual. If I beat the gnome, I am going to ask for either a suitcase full of Tim Tams or a grocery bag filled with Jack In The Box tacos.

Chilly

just got back from work, can't wait to watch this (though i am bummed that there's no fashion tips 😟)

anthony grey

When I arrive at the course, I will make sure I ask the workers if their decorative course water is filtered or not, as I stand there with my water bottle at the ready. And if it's not filtered or chlorinated and we have to start drinking right away, then mama ain't raised no coward.

Jewel Jackson

We just need to find a course with a chlorinated water feature, like at a water park. Will the gnome get mad if we use a UV purifier or a chlorine tablet? Or do we have to start drinking as soon as the bottle fills up?

Steve Ray

I like you. You've got moxie.

Tom Bowling

More like the demonic penalty.

Tom Bowling

Another great Ramble! We are the luckiest Patreons ever!

Steve Ray

If you just *happen* to walk up as somebody is completing a Dark Ritual, then you're probably the one getting summoned.

Steve Ray

Is that what your ritual promised, the engagement?

Steve Ray

There are no short cuts to success.

Steve Ray

the disney world video sounds the most interesting to me

Summer Eldridge

At least everyone agrees that, love it or hate it, Hereditary was a laugh riot.

Steve Ray

Word. If you absolutely can't find a toadstool anywhere, because you live in Arizona or Antarctica or the like, you have to *pay for* a mushroom at midnight on a date with a full moon, so use the self-serve kiosks.

Steve Ray

1) We need a supercut compilation of Jenny going "Hnng" when there are sounds during recording. Just from tons of videos. 2) DRINK the golf course water? You didn't mention severe intestinal distress or needing to get your stomach pumped among the possible down-sides to this ritual.

RichterCa

Well in that case, sign me up! There's nothing I like more in my life than amoebic dysentery.

Jewel Jackson

I think the words you're looking for are, "amoebic dysentery."

Tom Bowling

God, the mini golf water drinking is the biggest deterrent for me. That's one of the consequences. Like, if you fail, you'll know because you'll get stomach flu or whatever one gets from drinking mini golf water.

Jewel Jackson

Ah crap...I don't have a way to see it without paying, unless using my AMC A-list membership counts as not paying, even though I'm sure the studio still gets paid for that. Maybe its best if I just skip seeing it in theaters because honestly your video skewering it is sure to be better then the movie itself.

Eric MacMillan

Here's the thing, until Jenny came along, I have never heard of, "dark internet rituals," before. The last time I followed instructions I found on the internet, I wound up engaged to an exotic dancer named Stephanie (not kidding). And believe you me, she was way worse than any baby eating gnome. So I don't understand at all why these things are so popular with you guys.

Tom Bowling

Ooh probably, but does it also give you half an object? Also the other concern I had was that, since I have very short hair at the moment, I’ll have to say the chant super quickly to get it in before my strand of hair fully burns. Does the gnome care if you don’t really give the incantation the gravitas you’d normally associate with a magic spell?

George Dodd

Creepypasta universe where the protagonist jumps from ritual to ritual, slowly becoming the antagonist in her own creepypasta to obtain the last item she needs to complete her journey (and obtain a life time supply of mini toblerone bars).

Neil Dutton

The gnome just eats half a baby at that point I guess?

Neil Dutton

More Disney content please!

Taylor Goodman

thank you for continuing to validate my hatred of hereditary

Joshua Goodstein

You're right - the video is working for me now!

Alicia Fitch

You had me until "drink the water."

Blue Corn

I'm still holding out hope for the lightsabers video.

Daniel Anderson

I mean I'm not paying to see it

Jenny Nicholson

i have felt no greater joy than when i saw this video was 42 minutes long

Summer Eldridge

Forcing someone to pick their own toadstool region-locks the ritual, which is good for its exclusivity. What happens if you tie with the gnome? Do you go into an extended playoff sequence, where you’re holding up all the other mini-golf players as you keep drawing on a series of sudden death holes? Do you just get a neutral result where nothing happens? Or is it treated as a loss because you failed to win?

George Dodd

THATS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY!

Patrick Lee

Wait I thought we were protesting Fantastic Beasts 2?! Crap if your gonna do a video on it I better get tickets. Maybe we can all just hiss really loudly when he who shall not be named (not that one, the other, more problematic and real one) is on screen.

Eric MacMillan

The gnome will definitely appear, gnome matter what! Also, I'm pulling for the Avatar in the Disney theme parks video :o)

Chandler Wahrmund

Deep dive on fantastic beast 1 would be great, maybe in a rumble video :D loved the ritual by the way.

Marco Caruso

like a sign, from a gnome

Patrick Lee

"from a witch that you trust"

Patrick Lee

working now it must have just been uploaded so it was being encoded and transmitted to servers

Nick Steffensmeier

Wait, is this video secretly a confession that you attained your YouTube success by beating a gnome at minigolf?

Tobasco da Gama

But Jenny, money gives you power and political sway. Also, judging from that scrapbook those are some pretty fun parties.

The BabaDuck

Personally, I would prefer the World of Avatar video before the rest. Your theme park related content is always pretty fascinating and more passionate than your standard fare. Would love to just have more of it in general. Your home park seems really neglected though (most revolve around WDW).

I never said this would be easy

Jenny Nicholson

Darn. That's a good note, it should definitely be a particular color ball

Jenny Nicholson

I would love to see any of those videos, but I think an in-depth look into the first Fantastic Beasts could be entertaining :) Also, a toadstool from the wild for sure!

I would attribute any viewing difficulties to it probably still processing! I posted it here as soon as the share link appeared and it's sort of a long video. I'd just give it 10 minutes and refresh

Jenny Nicholson

No issues on my end. I watched it through the patreon app on my phone but then also tried it in the browser on my tablet and it worked fine.

Am I the only one who can't view the video? I'm getting an html5 error. I'm on mobile but have been able to view videos from patreon before.

Alicia Fitch

With my luck, I'll be in the group that's waiting for the person doing this ritual to play through. I'm standing there with a date or whatever, and she's already upset because for some reason I thought mini golf would be good date material. Then we just watch this guy pulling out his hair, burning it and muttering to himself, all the while acting confused because a gnome isn't appearing. I don't think there's going to be a second date after that.

Greg McDaniel

So, whether or not I receive my hearts desire depends on if I can pass the damn windmill on hole 3?

Greg McDaniel

I wanna go golfing now. (also id love more jeff the killer or creepy pasta stuff) Also, im curious do you read about SCPs? The creepy pastas for grown ups, i'd kinda love to hear your hot take on SCPs or your favourites!

Chiibe

I'd be interested in a deep dive on fantastic beasts 1

Jason Wynn

This is a great video so far and admittedly In jumping into the comments before finishing. 2 suggestions on the ingredients: 1 . Do the thing they always do that cracks me up; "Under the first full moon of any month, go and pick a wild mushroom under an oak tree. Or, if not available to go the store and buy a mushroom...but it must be organic!" 2. They must choose a specific color of ball for it to work. Any min-golf place worth a damn let's you pick your ball.

Anyone else rewind a bit when you realized that you also didn't remember if she started that list with numbers or letters?

dont let a broken laptop stop you! have your stuff in the cloud!

Jason Wynn

Definitely pick the toadstool from the wild

Jason Wynn

I was thinking about how there hadn't been a ramble this month yet just a few hours ago, I'm looking forward to this.

Odin Linga

I feel like for a dark ritual you need to pick the toadstool yourself or else it feels too much like the book of magic where you had to gather ingredients. there has to be some kind of line to differentiate the two

Alyssa Schultz

Protection against the Dark Arts

Gordon Davies