Vaught Ch. 04-05
Added 2022-11-22 19:52:33 +0000 UTCElizabeth recounts the events which set her on a path to confrontation with Greg. When her daughters return home, she must adjust her expectations of life as the twins spurn her plans, her husband confesses to more than an affair, and life threatens to spiral away.
Due to some external factors, this took a while to get to a break point despite it being relatively short in length. The POV shifts over to Elizabeth for this section to give a better idea of how she views the world and how often it refuses to cooperate with that view. I waffled a bit on the last section. I wanted to get in a sex scene for Elizabeth that flows as part of the story rather than just randomly stopping for some spice. Particularly after the tease at the start when she gets interrupted at the club. I may need to lean a little more into the way she rationalizes this behavior.
I think I'll have another Oddlock "one-shot" tomorrow. It's a holiday week so that's causing some problems. Also, in a flamboyant display of my usual horrid luck, I had a tooth break so getting that fixed involves a round of antibiotics which never helps swing the mood in favor of writing spicy story. Anywho, happy reading!
Comments
The next bit will be back in the parlor with Elizabeth's POV reflecting on what she's told Greg thus far, what he actually knows, what his end goals are, and so on. Probably would have flowed better overall with that included as a denouement. Or, put in between the 4/5 chapters so they can have a little back and forth as Greg pushes her into telling him more. So far this has intentionally been a very modular story structure in that the sections can be moved and swapped around for better flow where necessary. A side effect of that might be some sections feeling strangely sterile outside of the larger structure.
Quixerotic
2022-11-24 03:29:28 +0000 UTCIn context of I like how the first 3 chapters felt grounded in the parlor with some interaction between Greg and Elizabeth as the storytelling unfolds; these chapters felt flat or missing the cherry on top with no reference to the parlor scene and the lack of either Elizabeth squirming about trying to decipher how much of it Greg already knows or Greg enjoying the scene unfolding and story being told. Particularly I would have hoped to have seen immediately after the Abby/Liz scene in the lab some moment of Liz studying the shadow where Greg sit for some indication how much he already known or Gregs POV watching Liz unravel. It's the little moments that put cherries on top. I'm sure that once it is complete it might not be as noticeable but 5 chapters in where the first part had that little bit "extra" jumps out. I do love where this is going. I am a little biased in all of it but coming out of chapter 3 and how much it set up Greg and Abby's motivations; this felt like a single chapter setting up Elizabeth's motivations for the rest of the story : the fight with Benny and daughters and the hypocritical reliance on the serum but still needing Abby/Greg.
Red Panda Seven
2022-11-24 02:52:50 +0000 UTC
