Tistow synopsis: Papers, please

I'm glad to say that now that I've got a better computer, I feel a lot more comfortable sharing some of the promised script drafts with y'all.

This is a snippet from the very first chapter of the new main story. It's a more solid version of my ramblings written down by Mark. He's a contributor who's gone unmentioned for a very long time but he's the third author in our collaboration.

Please note that this draft contains no proper dialogue, we're gonna save that for later.

TISTOW - SYNOPSIS V0.1

CHAPTER 1 - “PAPERS, PLEASE”

• The chapter regards Jack, a Fjoldi shaman, and his first experiences upon arriving in Tistow.

The scene opens with a wide view of the city of Tistow, taken from the vantage point of the high road over the valley and looking down on the city towards the sea. The city is undeniably huge and seems to be split into three distinct districts. 

Inside the tall, main walls is the city proper. It is clear that this is an industrial port city and black smog hangs over the buildings, belching from factories. Inside the inner walls, much smaller by comparison, is the royal center of the city and at a distance this looks substantially cleaner and the buildings more traditional. Lastly, Tistow’s docks are found lining the estuary upon which the city sits with heavy cranes. Wide mud flats limit access into the port itself and the narrow channel is lit by fire buoys. There are several ships present; a mix of sail and early steam tramps. One particularly large warship, a modern ironclad steamer, sits central in the harbour and is noticeable larger than the others.

Outside of the main city gates is a crowd and a queue of coaches. From here, it’s unclear what is causing the holdup.

Jack stands in the middle of the crowd numbering perhaps one hundred people. He stands out clearly. They are a mix of travellers and Tistow citizens who and are waiting to be seen my a stern looking corporal at the gate. Jack is on foot and it is clear he has been waiting some time. Behind them, a private in Tistow army uniform is putting up a poster on the wall. It reads ‘Defend the City! Join the Tistow Regiment today!’ and depicts a heroic looking rifleman with a patriotic expression.

Jack waits his turn calmly and approaches the gate. The corporal asks him for his papers. Jack answers he has no papers as he has never visited the city before. The corporal explains that tensions are running high and the King has decreed all citizens must be registered within the city. This is clearly a new thing as several of the crowd who are obviously from the city don’t seem to have any either.

The corporal explains that Jack has two options. He must pay an eight crown fee (a substantial amount of money) in order to be registered, however the cost will be waived if he signs up to the army. The corporal gestures behind him to where a cart has been set up as a temporary recruitment station. Jack protests this is a significant amount of money, but the corporal just shrugs ‘Welcome to the city, lad’. Jack has no intention of joining the army nor does he want to head home so he checks his coin and elects to pay. As he is talking to the guard, two urchins sitting on a nearby window ledge begin to watch him with interest.

The nearby gate house has been commandeered to serve as a registration office. Jack is directed there and joins a short line before he is seen by a well dressed but flustered clerk. He is requested to give his name,  age, birthplace, etc for the records and to pay his fee. It’s a stale and formal process. He gives his real name but the Clerk can’t spell it. He changes it to Jack. From a nearby open window, one of the urchins watches unseen as he is given his official papers and walks out without any pleasantries.

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Elli