Dissonance - Chapter 21

Monday, I was actually really nervous about going back to school. I had flashbacks to this day last year, where things had gone so wrong; but had led to meeting Hanna, then Chef, then everything else. In some ways, this was still going to be a first. Last year was my first day of school. This year it was my first day back at school, which was an entirely different experience.

This time, I wasn’t just going back, but I was going back after getting a music deal, cutting a record, and going on tour. I had no idea what to expect from it. My run-in with Sydney suggested I should expect some kind of reaction from the other kids, but who knew. On top of that, I hadn’t really seen anyone from school other than after our shows at the Blue Ridge since the thing with Aaron at Prom. Harry was a senior this year and he almost certainly hadn’t forgotten everything.

At least this time I didn’t have to cross the creek to try and catch the bus. I had my car now, and was driving to school. Although Kat had her own car, which her dad was required to keep paying the insurance on, we had decided to ride together. She was nervous, in her own way. Aaron, and a lot of the other kids who’d taken advantage of her, were gone, but she’d just started therapy when the school year ended. Even with traveling with us, she’d kept up with zoom sessions with her therapist, and had made some progress over the summer. She said she was worried that once she got back into that old environment, she might backslide. I didn’t think that was going to happen, but I understood her fear.

She hadn’t said anything after giving me the look at the swim meet, so I assumed it was either her annoyed that Sydney wasn’t where she should be, or she’d just let it drop. I knew I was taking a leap in making that assumption, but Dr. Rothstein had suggested we not confront her every time. If she wasn’t directly affecting us, it was better to give her a chance to work out the situation on her own, unless of course it was something that could long-term affect her life or treatment. In those cases, she said if it wasn’t urgent, we should either send her an email letting her know what was happening, and she’d deal with it in their sessions if necessary. If it was urgent, we could confront her as needed, but to still let her know.

Since all she’d done so far was give me a look, there wasn’t really much I could let Dr. Rothstein know about, so I let it drop. Instead, we talked about the day, what might happen, and our schedules, which we’d picked up last Thursday on locker day, which was the day we got to put locks on our assigned lockers. This year, I was back in the normal conditioning class with the rest of the men’s sports teams. Kat had a conditioning class as well, but they separated out male and female sports into their own classes. I guess to keep us from distracting each other.

Even if Coach Bryant wasn’t gone, I still wouldn’t have had to worry about him. This year I was talking world history, which was taught by Mr. Hunt, who’d I only heard of because his full name was Randy Hunt, which made for some obvious jokes that every kid who made it seemed to think they’d cracked the code and been the first one to it.

I was also taking Chemistry, which I was not looking forward to, Algebra II, which I wouldn’t have thought was possible last year, Choir, English, Spanish, and Computer Science. I’d learned last year that I was never going to be an academic. Even with a lot of help, I struggled hard to pass all of my classes. I had little doubt but that this year was going to be the same. I’d stick with it, because Mom was right. I didn’t want to end up like Dad. But, I wasn’t looking forward to any of it!

Well, except for Choir. I hadn’t talked to Mr. French much after we got out of the studio, and I was looking forward to telling him all about the tour. Both the highlights like opening for House of Grace and the low points like having to deal with Brent. He’d played gigs before and even toured some, so I was interested in getting his point of view on everything that happened. Or maybe just to have someone at the school who knew what the summer had been like.

My musing over the first day back was brought to an abrupt halt as Mr. Packer appeared apparently out of nowhere, directly in front of me. I hadn’t been walking fast, but it was all I could do to keep from running him over.

“Mr. Nelson. So you’ve decided to put fame and glory on hold and join us for another year?”

“Uhh … yeah?” I said.

I knew he wasn’t actually asking the question. We’d started off very rocky last year and as the year had gone on, he’d become more hostile. As the school counselor, I would have expected him to be part of my support system as a student. Instead, I spent most of the year avoiding him as best as I could. Until he showed up in front of me, I hadn’t thought of him since the end of school last year. Thinking about it, I should have probably been on the lookout, since it seemed a good bet he still had it out for me. I figured the best thing I could do was to say as little as possible, he couldn’t somehow twist it into me being a disciplinary problem.

“Well, since you’re here you should know things are going to be very different this year. Mr. Keller is gone, and I’m not going to hold your hand or coddle you the way he did. Now that I’m your vice-principle, I’m going to make sure you don’t cause the same kind of disruptions you did last year. If we do have any behavior issues, any more fights, or any more nonsense, you’re going to find yourself expelled so fast, you’re going to wish you’d just have gotten your GED and found somewhere else to spend your time. We have good kids here who want to learn and better themselves, and they don’t deserve you making that harder on them.”

Maybe my doubts about him weren’t paranoia. Even though I had no idea why he had it out for me, at least last time he waited until something happened to get on my case, even if that something wasn’t actually my fault. I know, however, that pointing that out to him, or worse, trying to defend myself, wouldn’t do any good and probably only make things worse.

“I’m just trying to pass my classes and graduate next year, Mr. Packer. I don’t want to cause trouble for anyone.”

“Good. I’ll be watching you, so see that it stays that way.”

“Yes, Sir.”

I said, taking that as a dismissal and turning to walk away from him before he found something wrong with my clothes or attitude he could pull me into the office over.

“And Mr. Nelson.”

‘Almost made it,’ I thought, before stopping and turning to look back at him.

“The school board has decided that Coach Bryant should return to teaching here this year after all. I think it would be in your best interest to give him, and any of his players, a wide berth this year.”

“What?” I said, unable to stop myself. “They let him back after he attacked me? How in the hell did that happen?”

“Watch your language. I’m not here to explain confidential employment decisions to you, Mr. Nelson. I just wanted to give you that warning. I know you’ve managed to provoke him in the past, and want to avoid a repeat of that from happening again. Unless he directs you otherwise, I want you to just turn and walk in the other direction if you see him. is that clear.”

I wanted to scream at him. To tell him this was unfair. To threaten to sue someone or go to the newspapers. I also know that would just cause problems and wouldn’t actually solve anything. I might have had a good summer, but I didn’t have any kind of power here. The fact that school board members almost certainly knew me by name, that I had the largest employer in the city and the sheriff against me, and the man who handled the day-to-day activities of the school painting a target on my back gave me almost no lee way. It was just another reminder that life was often not only unfair, but cruelly so.

I’d just have to hope I didn’t run into him and, if I did, do what Mr. Packer said and walk the other way.

***

“Can you believe this shit?” I said to Kat as I sat down at lunch.

I hadn’t seen her since she split off to drop stuff in her locker, before I ran into Mr. Packer, which meant she didn’t know what I was talking about, but even after three classes I was pissed about my run-in with the new vice-principle, specifically the part where I found out Coach Bryant was back.

“Can I believe what?” she said.

“Coach Bryant is back!”

“He’s what?”

“Ohh, yeah, I passed him in the hallway and did a double take,” Fatima, one of the seniors at the table, said. “I thought they fired him after he attacked you.”

“They did, or at least they said they did. I ran into Mr. Packer, who I also can’t believe they made vice-principal, and he said the school board decided to overrule the firing.”

“That was all anyone could talk about in newspaper,” Cameron, my friend from choir, said. “Several guys were already talking about making it our first big story, until Mr. Grant, he’s the faculty sponsor for the newspaper, said they got word from the principal that they didn’t want us going anywhere near it. Apparently, it was a big thing all summer. Something about how he was fired violated the agreement with the teachers union, how there hadn’t been proper documentation, and the situation involved a controversial student. Sorry.”

That last part was to me directly, although I wouldn’t blame him for it. Given how they’d treated me when the whole restraining order thing was happening with Aaron, I didn’t doubt they saw me like that. It was still hard to fathom there being anything that might make the attacking of a student okay, but I’d started to get a healthy respect for bureaucracy and the stupid decisions it could make.

“You don’t have any classes with him though, right?” David, a fellow junior who played baseball with me last year and decided to sit with us since most of his baseball friends had graduated, leaving Harry and his cronies kings over the baseball lunch table.

“No, but do you think that will stop him? You saw how he was last year. He blamed me for Aaron attacking me and tried to get me all year. Do you really think he’s going to take almost getting fired after attacking me calmly?”

“Maybe he’ll be careful this time, since he got so close to being fired,” Peyton, one of the other Juniors, said.

“You didn’t see him during baseball practices,” David said. “Reasonable is not a word I’d ever apply to Coach Bryant.”

There were a few nods and the table kind of lapsed into silence as the topic wound down and everyone ate.

Feeling bad I killed the mood, I said, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bum everyone out. I’ve just been so worked up about it all day, I could barely focus on anything else.”

“It’s okay,” Kat said, patting my shoulder. “I’d feel the same way if I was in your shoes.”

“Thanks. So,” I said, changing the topic to something more light hearted. “Jordan, Hanna, and the rest of last year’s seniors are gone off to college, and you three are the new big dogs, at least here at lunch. How does it feel to be seniors?”

“Is it possible to have senioritis on the first day of school?” Megan asked.

“You’ve had senioritis since I met you,” Fatima said, laughing after Megan made a face in response.

“I’m just so over this shit. What does it even matter what the equation for momentum is or how to use vectors and matrices. None of it will matter when I get to college.”

“I mean, it might matter. College courses assume you know all that stuff going in. If you ignore it now, you might find yourself pretty lost when you start taking classes,” Kat said.

“That might matter for you, but you’re a super-genius who’ll figure out how to put people on Mars or cure cancer or something. I’m going to end up in business school or secretary school or some shit, and Cameron over there’s going to be hooking up with dudes backstage at a theater for nickels. Neither of us needs to know how to solve an equation or what element forms what molecule.”

“Eat it, hussy,” Cameron said.

“Queen,” Megan shot back.

“Slut,” Cameron said.

That was the first time I’d ever heard anyone mag a slur against him, especially about him being gay. I was about to say something when both of them started laughing, which was confusing.

“Don’t mind them,” Peyton said. “They started hanging out this summer while you were off being famous, and became best friends or something. They do this all the time and both of them think it’s hilarious.”

“It’s not,” Joseph, the last junior at the table, said. “You should hear the vile things they say to each other. In public. We’ve almost gotten kicked out of places several times.”

“Only because people don’t have a sense of humor,” Cameron said. “They’re all too uptight to laugh at themselves.”

“What would you know about being tight …”

“Megan, could you not. At least while we eat. You two can get all this shit out of your system on your two-hour phone calls every night,” Payton said.

“Fine. Fine. You guys are no fun,” Megan said.

“No kidding.”

“Okay, so other than the chuckleheads, how was everyone else’s summer?”

“Uh-uh. No you don’t,” Fatima said. “The rest of us worked stupid jobs or went to stupid camps. You were traveling the country, playing in clubs, and working on an album with a major record company. If you think for one second, we’re going to talk about our summers and let you sit there without telling us stories of fame and fortune, you’ve got another thing coming.”

“It wasn’t fame and fortune. It was cheap motels, smelly bars, and hours in a car driving from gig to gig. And it wasn’t the whole country, it was like four states. And not the good parts.”

“Don’t let him fool you,” Kat said. “He loved every minute of it. You should have seen him opening for House of Grace. It was a huge audience and he had them in the palm of his hand.”

I was more than happy to let Kat tell all the stories. Both because she was so much more outgoing and alive this year than she had been last year and I wanted her to experience the good part of being her own person with friends, and because I didn’t really want to talk about touring anymore. I did love it, but I didn’t want to be that guy who brought every conversation around to his achievements, name-dropping and being a general douchebag.

Besides, this is what I really needed. After dealing with Dad and Brent, and then finding out about Mr. Packer and Coach Bryant; I needed some time to just relax with my friends. I hadn’t spoken to any of them since the end of the school year, which was mostly my fault, and I’d forgotten how great it was to have a large group of people to just relax around. I loved hanging out with Hanna and Kat, but with the three of us, I couldn’t exactly fade into the background and just listen to everyone else.

It was a nice feeling and instantly turned my shitty day around. I should have known it wouldn’t last.

I knew I had conditioning that afternoon, but until I walked into the weight room, I’d completely put it out of my mind that Harry and his idiot friends would be there, too. Having been out in the real world all summer, with adults … well, mostly adults, since Brent had acted pretty childish, I’d forgotten about bullshit high school posturing.

In that, I could agree with Megan. I was ready to put this part of high school behind me. I never understood Aaron and Harry’s need to be the big fish in such a little pond, and their willingness to hurt people to get it. Harry was forever going to be the guy who peaked in high school, and I simply wanted no part of it.

Harry, unfortunately, felt differently.

“Look who it is,” he said, blocking my path into the weight room. “After that ass-kicking you got at the end of last semester, I would have thought you’d decide to move. You’re either brave or stupid to come back to Carr.”

“Guys wearing masks, jumping out of the dark when no one’s around? Why would I be afraid of cowards who weren’t man enough to do something face to face.”

I knew that Harry had been one of my attackers and I knew how easy he was to bait, which is why I made the coward comment. Sure enough, as soon as I said it, his face turned red and he balled his fists.

“Did that piss you off? Why? You weren’t there, were you?”

“Harry,” Paul Adams, one of Aaron's old flunkies who’d apparently been transferred over to Harry, said warningly, pulling him back by the shoulder. “Let’s just go, man.”

“You just watch yourself this year, Nelson,” Harry said, shaking off the hand. “This is my school this year, and I won’t put up with your shit like Aaron did.”

“Aaron actually stood up to me face to face, well, at least until I put him into the pavement. You weren’t even half the man he was while he was here, and you think you’re going to tell me what I need to do? Go ahead. Step up. See what happens.”

I normally wasn’t an aggressive or confrontational person, but guys like Harry were cowards. He lived for people giving in to him, either out of fear or just not wanting to cause a scene. He and I both knew that, if he came at me face to face, I’d drop him in a heartbeat. I knew that getting in his face was the surest way to get him to back down. And it wasn’t like it was going to provoke him any worse than he already was. Harry hated me and nothing I did was going to change that. Anything short of direct threats, thought, might make him think he could get away with pulling his bullshit.

Sure enough, he backed down.

“You’re not worth it,” he said, bucking up to me for a second, maybe to get me to flinch, before letting Paul pull him away.

I didn’t move and didn’t break eye contact until he turned away to go over to one of the benches.

“He’s not going to let that go,” David, who came up as soon as he saw Harry coming at me, said.

“I know, but he’s already going to try and get at me any chance he gets, so it doesn’t matter. Last year I tried to deescalate all of his and Aaron’s bullshit, and it just ended in fights and me almost getting expelled a bunch of times. I’ve decided to go a different way. I’m not going to try and actually escalate any of his petty confrontations, but I’m not going to back down. I’m going to get in his face every time, and dare him to take a swing. He’s a coward, and he already knows I can take him any time I want, so he’ll back down.”

“Sounds risky. If Mr. Packer or Coach Bryant overhears you, you know they’re going to decide you're being disruptive. Harry’s an idiot, but there’s a good chance he knows that, too. He’ll try and play it to his advantage.”

“I know. I’ll have to be careful, but I’m not going to put up with his shit anymore.”

“Hey, I hear you. I just don’t want you doing something that will give Mr. Packer a reason to expel you. I want to win in the spring. Without some of the seniors, you’re one of our better players.”

“Ahh, I don’t know about that.”

“Hey, we lost the game in playoffs when you weren’t there. That’s not a fluke.”

“I’ll try and not let you down, then,” I said.

“Good. That should be your goal,” he said, laughing and slapping me on the back. “Okay, let’s go lift some weights.