Going Home - Chapter 9

After the debacle at the cookout, I spent the next few days at home, not really wanting to go out. Part of me wanted to go talk to Orville about what Evan and his friends were up to, even though I knew there wasn’t much he could do without proof. I knew it shouldn’t, but it really annoyed me that Evan had assumed I’d have been on board with their bullshit. He knew my dad and how he felt about some of the stuff the company pulled, so I couldn’t imagine why he’d think I’d be okay with it, especially since I’d been a cop once.

Apparently, Evan still saw me as the jackass I was back in high school, which was as much a judgment of my character as it was of Evan’s judgment. All of which meant that even after two days, I was still in a bad mood as I made my way down the stairs for breakfast.

At least the actual walking down the stairs was easier. Although I’d been planning on just using the one crutch, mostly because I was stubborn, Mom had gone out and picked up a cane for me to use the day before. While I’d probably never mention it to her, it did make going up and down the stairs so much easier.

“Still moping?” Mom asked as I grabbed a bowl and box of cereal out of the kitchen.

“I’m not moping,” I said.

“You’ve barely said two words to anyone since you went and saw that Farmer boy. You’re a grown man, so I’ve let you be, but if you want to keep acting like a teenager, I can start treating you like one.”

I let out a sigh as I lowered myself into a chair. She was right, I was being a little moody, but between still being at loose ends and the thing with Evan, I felt more and more trapped in an echo of my youth. And I hated it.

“Do you think it’s time to start thinking about a job?” Mom asked, taking the cereal box from me and pouring some into her own bowl.

“I have been. They should start doing interviews in about a month.”

“I know, but that’s not what I meant. Even if you get one of those, you won’t be able to start until the end of the summer, and it costs quite a bit to move to a new city. I know you aren’t spending a lot of your severance, but it might be nice to have some extra money set aside, for when that time comes. Besides, you’re miserable just wandering the town every day or sitting on the porch. You were always someone who needed to be doing something. This isn’t healthy for you.”

“I’m not sure they’re going to let me go work in the mines while I’m using a crutch. Besides, who’s going to want to hire a guy who’ll just leave in a couple of months?”

“I wasn’t thinking about you working in the mines. You’d probably hate that more than you hate doing nothing. You know Orville’s looking for another deputy to replace the man he lost a few months ago.”

“Lost?” I asked, my spoon stopping halfway to my mouth.

“Not lost, not like that, I mean. Trevor Dawson, he was from Rainelle and a few years older than you, so I don’t think you ever knew him, got a better job offer to go work in Lexington a few months before you got here, and Orville’s been short-staffed ever since then. Last time I spoke to his mother, she mentioned how frustrated he was getting that they hadn’t been able to find a good candidate to replace Trevor. Apparently, it’s hard to attract someone who didn’t grow up here to work at such a small sheriff’s office.”

“I can imagine, but I hated being a cop, mostly. Why would I ever want to go back to that?”

“You hated being a police officer in the city. People there are so indifferent. No one knows anyone and everyone’s just out for themselves. People are different around here.”

“I’m not so sure there all that much different,” I said, thinking again about Evan and his friends.

“Maybe not, but it would still be less impersonal. You know Orville and Albert are good men. You should think about it. He wouldn’t have to train you all that much and I’m sure he’d appreciate the help even if it was only for a few months.”

“The leg would still be a problem. It’s not like I could chase down a bad guy while using a cane,” I said, holding up my cane.

“I’m not sure how much chasing down people you’d have to do, but it was just a suggestion. I thought you might like to get out and start doing something, especially since I also heard about an apartment that is being sublet until the end of June.”

“Trying to get rid of me?”

“No. I love having you here, although I’d probably love it more if you were less moody; but I also know it isn’t making you happy. I know you think I’m kind of clueless, but I can see how unhappy you are. I know the last few months have been really hard on you, and coming here has made it worse. You’re just like your father, you can both be so proud sometimes, so I know what having to come live with us while you recover has been very difficult. I don’t want to see you being so completely miserable, and I think being independent again will help.”

“I appreciate it, but I really do need to save my money. Deposits and things are going to be expensive and there will be a gap between when I have to move and when I get my first paycheck. I don’t think I can afford to have my own place right now.”

“Which is why I was suggesting you get a job. I’m not saying you have to do it and you can stay with us as long as you need to, but I want to see you happy again.”

Working for Orville did not sound like something I wanted to do, but I did like the idea of living on my own again. She was right that having to stay here with them was slowly wearing away on me. I just couldn’t see a way to do it without eating too much into my savings or getting a job, and I couldn’t see how I could get a job that would hire me for only a few months and be okay with me being a gimp.

“I’ll think about it,” I said.

She gave me a look that said she didn’t believe me, but at least she let it drop.

“Talking about Dad, did he already go to work?”

Although Dad usually left pretty early, he wasn’t quiet about it and I could usually hear him when he was getting ready in the morning. Either I’d been really hard asleep or he’d been extremely quiet today, which would be unusual for him.

“No, he had to go up to Summersville to get some tests run.”

She tried to make it sound nonchalant, but I could hear the worry in her voice.

“Is something wrong?”

“I don’t know, although he says it’s just a precaution. Doctor Thompson wanted him to get some tests done after his last chest x-rays came in.”

Although not something normal for most checkups, Doctor Thompson gave most of the guys working in the mine chest x-rays every time they came in for a physical, because of concerns about black lung. I knew Dad had been coughing a lot lately, but if it was bad enough for the doctor to send him to Summersville for more testing, that was more than just taking a precaution.

“Is he okay?” I asked, making eye contact with Mom to make sure she knew I was asking for real.

“I don’t know,” she said, her eyes welling up. “He’s been having trouble breathing at night and Doctor Thompson said something about a machine to help him breathe while he was sleeping. I’m really worried about him.”

I nodded, trying to keep my face mostly neutral. Mom was really struggling, and I hadn’t realized it until just now. I’d been so focused on my own problems I hadn’t seen how bad Dad’s illness was getting or how much it was affecting Mom. That did explain why she was so keen to find me an apartment and a job. Whenever she was upset about something, she always seemed to find it easier to focus on someone else’s problems than her own.

I also knew she really didn’t want to talk about Dad. Just admitting how bad it was had almost brought her to tears.

“I think you’re right,” I said, changing the subject. “I do need to get off my butt and start doing something. Give me the info on the apartment and I’ll think about talking to Orville.”

I could see the tension in her shoulders release a bit as the subject changed and she could pretend for a little longer that everything was going to be okay.

“Good. Did I tell you I spoke with Judy and …?”

Released from talking about anything serious, Mom was back into gossip mode, where she felt the most comfortable. Normally, I’d tune her out, giving the occasional mumbled ‘uh-huh,’ but this time I listened. Not initially, since the gossip was still extremely boring, but enough to ask the occasional question so she could move to the next juicy detail she wanted to spill.

***

I gave Rosita a small wave as I walked into the restaurant and took a seat near the door to the back, like I had every night for the past week. I’m not sure how we fell into this pattern, but ever since we went to Charleston for my doctor’s appointment, I’d found myself here right as the restaurant was closing. I’d switched to coming at night mostly because I wanted to see her. I didn’t want to actually distract her from her business, but it gave me something to look forward to all day.

She smiled at me and finished ringing up the customer. It was strange how familiar this place had come to me over such a short period of time. Yesterday, I even somehow ended up helping her do dishes while we talked, mostly because I’d felt weird chatting with her, sitting on a stainless steel table, while she scrubbed pots. Most days though, I just watched her fill out bank deposits and check supplies, being happy to just be around her, regardless of what we were doing.

The customer, who I vaguely recognized as a woman who worked at the bank on main street, gave me a confused glance as she left, probably because I was just sitting off to one side instead of going up to the counter. Rosita followed behind her, switching off the open sign and locking the door, before plopping down in the chair next to me and putting her feet up on my good leg.

“I’m so tired,” she said, letting her head roll back.

“Busy day?”

“Really busy. The Elks had their big … I don’t really know what they were doing, but they had some big thing, and the guy who was supposed to do their spaghetti dinner got sick that morning and had to pull out. So they called me up, last minute, and ordered like three hundred dollars of food. Julie had a thing tonight, so I couldn’t ask her to come in and help, so it was just me.”

Julie worked for Rosita part-time when she needed to help, although from what I was seeing, she was unavailable more than she was available, and she did it more to have something to do rather than actually needing a job.

“You could have called me. I’d have come helped.”

Rosita lifted her head up and gave me a look like I was insane. I didn’t blame her. While I meant the offer, she’d tried to teach me to cook tamales several nights ago and my batch did not go well. Apparently, if it didn’t come from a box, I wasn’t particularly good at making something. Terri had hated cooking and didn’t like eating the handful of stuff I knew how to make, so we’d tended to eat out significantly more than we cooked, so it wasn’t something I’d ever spent a lot of time doing.

“I appreciate the offer, but I think we both know how that would have turned out.”

She smiled as she insulted me, so I knew she was just teasing, even if she was also being serious.

“Well, I could have at least been moral support,” I said.

“I’ll keep that in mind for next time I’m really busy. How was your day?”

“Interesting. My mother has decided I’ve spent enough time waiting to get my life restarted, and has been looking for a place for me to move into.”

“I thought you were going to be moving to whatever city you got a teaching job in.”

“That’s the plan, but she pointed out that’s still months away, and she hated seeing me just wandering around the house. Since she knows I’m trying to save my severance to pay for the move, she also suggested I should talk to the sheriff about a job through the summer, since they are still one deputy down from what they should have.”

“Is that something you want to do?” she asked, giving me an odd look.

I’d vented to her several times about the things I didn’t like working as a cop in New York, especially after that last visit where I’d been all but invisible in my own precinct, so it made sense that she’d find that suggestion confusing.

“I … don’t know. I mean, there were parts of being a cop I liked, and working here would be really different than working in New York City. Orville, for one. We might not have gotten along in high school, which is to say, I was horrible to him, but meeting him again, he seems like a pretty good guy. A lot of my problems with working in New York were the officers, who were more politicians than cops half the time.”

“Orville isa pretty good guy. He’s always been really nice to me, and I know Tommy liked him.”

“And I think they mostly help people, instead of just trying to make revenue through tickets and whatnot, which is what I liked about being a cop.”

“So you want to do it?”

“Maybe. It would be nice to have something to actually do every day, instead of just wandering around town, trying to keep from being bored or underfoot. No one, however, has actually asked Orville about it. It’s a lot of work to get someone integrated into a new department, and about the time I’d start figuring out the routine, it would be time for me to leave for my new job. So I’m not sure I’d be all that much of a help to them, or really anything but a way to slow them down, which is a big deal when there are only two guys for the whole county.”

“But you haven’t talked to him, so you don’t know if he’d go for it or not, right? I mean, it’s not like you’re brand new to this. You worked as a police officer for several years, so you already know how to do a lot of the job. Maybe that makes you the perfect person to help cover things until they can find someone permanent.”

“That’s what Mom said, and you’re right; I won’t actually know until I talk to him. I want to make sure it’s something I want to do for real first, before I ask him, though. Besides, I need to get my resumes out and find out what these school districts’ interview schedules are like. If I’m going to work for him part-time, I at least need to know roughly what days I’m going to be out of town first.”

“I guess that makes sense.”

“There is a little rush though, since she already found a place that’s willing to sublet to me until the end of summer, which would actually be great, since one of the main reasons I was stuck at my parents was I didn’t want to sign a lease that I might have to break or end up paying rent at two places.”

“How long do you have to decide?”

“I need to be able to tell them something this week. They don’t move until the end of the month, but they’re doing Mom a favor by holding it for me while I decide.”

“If you don’t go work for Orville, would you still be able to do it?”

“Probably. I’m being really conservative in my estimates, and rent prices here aren’t that high, especially for only a couple of months. I just hate the idea of dipping into my severance to live when I have other options. If this was going to be a long time, then yeah, but I can tough it out for a few more months.”

“Can you?” She asked, looking serious. “You’ve made enough comments about it in the time we’ve known each other to make it clear how unhappy you are with your current situation. I get it. I was in a similar situation when Tommy asked me to move out here from Puerto Rico. It’s tough being an adult but living with your parents, even if the situation makes sense. Besides, sometimes it can drive you into making decisions you don’t really want to make.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, do you really want to be a gym teacher? You only ever talk about it as the only option available for you to ‘get on with your life.’ That’s not a great reason to pick a career. Maybe you’ll like it, who knows, but from where I’m sitting, which is admittedly on the outside, you don’t sound excited about the decision.”

“I guess,” I said.

She wasn’t wrong. I picked it mostly because it was what was available, but that didn’t mean it was wrong. I’d picked the police academy after football fell through, and that had more or less worked out, at least for a little bit.

“I’m not trying to pressure you or anything. I just think you should consider some of the things your mother said. I think you’d be happier.”

“I’ll think about it, especially about the apartment. Living with my parents is just too depressing.”

“Good. Now I have to go start cleaning, and you need to keep me entertained while I do,” she said, pushing herself out of her chair and heading towards the back, holding open the middle door for me to follow.