Progress Report

Fuck me, it's been three weeks since my last progress report. I'm sorry.

To all those artists on twitter and what not complaining of artists block, fuck, I feel that. Writers block has me by the cock and balls and that shit is a fucking nightmare. And it only feels like more of a failure when I consider how quickly I got the feature work done. My brain will play ball so long as it doesn't have to write... and when my job is 75% writing, that fucking sucks. 

I still want the next release to further Tai's route, but being so stubborn on that aspect is doing me no favors. Sticking to my guns here will yield results eventually, but who knows when that'll be. Over the next few days, I'm going to shift my focus to just writing... anything, I guess. Anything is far better than nothing. Before this was my job, sometimes I'd do exactly that for shits and giggles. Were it only so easy when there are stakes! Anyway, all going well I'll whip something up in the coming days and hopefully I can turn whatever that ends up being into the next update. I doubt it'll be a continuation to Tai's route at this stage, but who knows? If not, it could be anything... something for Axel's route, the debut of Lukas', Diego's tale, another entirely different tale... I genuinely don't know just yet, but historically some of my best material came from just opening up a new document and going ham on whatever the fuck came to mind. Whatever that might be, I'll make lemonade from those lemons.

And with all that said, I really must apologize again. Coming into this nearly 3 years back (the anniversary of when we started development was a couple of days back!) I wanted nothing more than to be the antithesis to certain unreliable uncommunicative creators who took peoples money and didn't so much as keep those people in the loop. It's easy to have ideals that contradict that sort of behavior, but three years deep (balls deep for sure) in something like this, keeping up that momentum is incredibly difficult and, if I'm totally honest, the infrequency of these updates is somewhat influenced by the shame I feel for having failed myself and all of you for the thousandth time. Rest assured, I'm always searching for a solution, but the optimism I once had where I'd spout nonsense such as '[x] thing will surely be the solution, just you wait!' is long gone with the benefit of experience with a reality all too harsh. 

Just know I have no intentions of fading away or leaving this project unfinished. My stupid ass committed to all this, so like hell I'm going to give up half way. And the fact that so many of you are still here means a lot to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your continued trust in me and in Sileo, and for your incredible patience. That patience will be rewarded, mark my words. As slow as things are moving, I'm really excited about the two remaining routes and what they'll explore and I'm excited to get underway on those properly. We'd be much further along by now if Tai's Route wasn't longer than fucking lord of the rings, but hey, at this point, that's just the xevvy signature, right?

Anyway catch you soon ish with some good shit I promise!