Audition (1999) - Scary Spooky Review
Added 2024-10-31 04:23:05 +0000 UTCOh look, an actual review, by me, the best reviewer on the planet when i actually give a shit, and you can tell i give a shit because I've once again created the greatest thumbnail anyone's ever seen. Look at it. That thumbnail alone is as much a work of art as the film I'm discussing here, Takeshi Miike's 1999 Rom-Com from Hell, Audition. A J-horror classic that fat-headed film nerds and washed up rockers have been sperging out for on VH1 horror retrospectives since I was a boy.
This is a film about the horror of falling in love, and the anxious distrust that lurks in the vast gulf between male and female. But if you're an idiot you probably just think it's about "men bad" or "women crazy". It's neither, you philistine. But it's also both. If you don't get it, you never will cause your brain is bad.
This is one of those films that's been discussed into the dirt. It's been gazed upon and glazed upon every way imaginable, so it's not like I'm reinventing the wheel here. I'm sure my interpretations are echoed by some, but do you know what I have that all others lack? The ability to write.
So you can watch 100 hour long video essays that say nothing of any substance, or you can watch me concisely and humorously put the capstone on all discussion of this movie in just 4 minutes. I've said everything that needs to be said. It's finished. The film's legacy is cemented, thanks to me, the only intelligent person on Earth. On point and to the point. I am the reviewer that the builder refused.
