Finally Beating The Witcher 3

Oh Christ I got embroiled in an argument about steak fajitas all day and almost forgot to post my silly gamer stuff, without which I couldn't afford steak fajitas in the first place. Life is ironic. If that's not the correct way to use ironic don't worry, I don't care. 

Despite being the technical end of the game, i doubt this will be the last you see of this play through. For one thing there's still DLCs to do, and besides that I still have a shitload of lets plays recorded for it. But i listened back to some of those and found them so egregiously insane and offensive to all humanity that editing them into something coherent is a philosophical conundrum i don't have time for right now. So instead I'm skipping them and flash forwarding to the most recent one where i finally actually beat the game. For those of you keeping score with my "Will I Beat It" series, I'm 2 for 2 so far. See, i told you I'm cool. 

This final stretch of the game took around 2 hours, but fear not your time being wasted, for as usual I've used my extraordinary powers of editing, combined with my own legendary impatience in listening to this kind of shit myself, to seamlessly whittle away all the parts where I'm unfunny and suck, transforming this 2 hours of gameplay into a single smooth hour of only the highest quality quips and bits. This is what separates the Yakkos from the Dots. One has to tell you she has wit, the other puts in the work to prove it with his every pointed wise-ass remark. 

With each video my powers of removing bullshit grow more complete. One day i hope to cut so much filler that I'm left with nothing at all. It will be the perfect youtube video... no video. I'd have to patron myself for that one, as even I'd be proud to support a work of such deep and loving respect for my time.

Now i know some of you wise-asses are gonna be tempted to say "well well, this guys says he cut out the crappy parts but it's still crappy. What a jerk is he". 

Why i oughta.... crap. Damn it. Touche'.  A touch, i confess. Obviously there's no comeback for such a clever jab. Curse and confound you, clever reader. With powers of wise-assery like that, verily i say you should be the one making the videos, and i the humble Stan consuming them. Yakko himself would be proud of such a devastatingly un-conquerable heckle.

...It's just too bad I said it first. HA. Didn't see that coming, did ya? By predicting the rapier cut of your mocking retort, I have undercut your critique and pre-emptively negated it, thereby making me the clever one, an outcome that was never truly in doubt. 

You see, That's the kind of parfait-layered sarcasm and 5-dimensional space-wit that it takes to stay on top in this cut-throat business of para-social japery. I'm the Machiavelli of being a wise-ass. Years of waiting until the last minute to make these posts, and having my very survival depend on my ability to bullshit my way into entertaining you has sharpened me into an Icy Sword of Contemptuous Cool, a Modern Maestro of Mirth, a Jack-Of-All Jest, an Oldschool Fool with a PHD in Party-Time and a Bachelor's in Bullshit. PHD stands for Profound Hilarity Degree, by the way. 

When it comes to comedy and clownery no one is on my level except Violent J and Garfield. We're a very exclusive club of beloved characters who never meet on Mondays and share similar weight struggles. Club/support group, whatever it's all the same.

Point being, if there's a way to be funnier than saying the phrase "icy sword" 11 times per video, i don't want to know about it. I'm happy with who I am.