Midnight Pals: Court Testimony

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i want you all to give a warm welcome to graham linehan
Rowling: i've decided that it's high time we welcome him back into the mainssstream of the gender critical movement
Rowling: he'sss definitely very normal and not unhinged

Rowling: graham has been unfairly targeted by the police for attacking a transs woman
Rowling: luckily he has a foolproof alibi
Rowling: tell them what you told me graham
Linehan: ok so first of all you have to understand that there's this thing called sissy porn

Linehan: its extremely dangerous Linehan: its just like the king in yellow
Rowling: wow! and what iss it exactly?
Linehan: ok so imagine that a really sexy lady forced me to wear a little sailor suit
Rowling: like this one here?
Linehan: yes yes exactly like that one

Linehan: ok so as a visual aid i will now put on this little lord fauntleroy outfit
Rowling: ok ok im following sso far
Rowling: would you also like a comically oversized lollipop?
Linehan: yes! that would be perfect!
Linehan: you know, as a visual aid

Linehan: ok so now imagine that a sexy sexy lady is making fun of me for wearing this little sailor outfit
Linehan: you know, calling me a sissy or a cuck or a pathetic little baby or a little girly girl
Linehan: feel free to use any of these by the way
Linehan: i mean really let me have it

Linehan: see a lesser man might be broken by being forced to dress like a silly little sissy girly baby but luckily i alone have the incredible mental fortitude to consume over 10,000 hours of sissy hypnosis porn videos without ill effect
Rowling:
Rowling: wait a sssecond

Linehan: listen i know the dangers of sissy hypno porn
Linehan: being intimately familiar with the genre as i am
Rowling: would you be willing to tesstify to that in a court of law
Linehan: absolutely
Rowling: oh boy there'ss no way we could lossse!

Linehan: ok i'm gonna go tell the court about my debilitating hypno sissy porn addiction
Linehan: i definitely think this will make them understand why it was necessary to attack a trans woman
Allison Bailey: would you like to take my briefcase?
Linehan: that won't be necessary, i've brought my own!

[in court]
British Judge: [banging gavel] i say i say court is now in session old bean
Linehan: i reject the authority of this court
Linehan: this is a trans court
Linehan: i can tell by the fringe on the flag

Linehan: ladies and gentlemen
Linehan: may it please the court
Linehan: i have right here in my hand
Linehan: over 500 pages documenting my stalking and harassment of the victim
Linehan: i can tell by your stunned silence that you're all impressed with my legal prowess

Allison Bailey: your honor i'd like a moment to confer with my client please
Judge: granted
Bailey: so graham
Bailey: you're doing great
Linehan: should i tell them about the sissy hypno porn now
Bailey: yes, do that
Bailey: for once i'm absolutely 100% certain you would be doing the right thing