Midnight Pals: Withered Hill

David Barnett: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of withered hill
Barnett: its about this woman who gets trapped in this weirdly horny british village
Barnett: for being too big a slut
Mary Shelley: lol no such thing

Edward Lee: bro
Lee: bro
Lee: where is this village?
Barnett: oh you wouldn't want to go to this village
Barnett: everyone there is just horny and fucking all the time
Barnett: just walking around with big ol' boners
Lee: bro
Barker: yeah i would really like you to answer edward's question

Barnett: no no it's not hot
Barnett: it's actually quite charming
Barnett: once you get used to it
Barnett: you know, its just really quite quaint and british

Angela Carter: excuse me you're saying that if a woman is sexual she should be punished
Barnett: no no of course not
Barnett: she didn't actually get trapped for being too big a slut'
Barnett: there were other reasons
Barnett: her being a slut is purely incidental

Barnett: i assure you, her predicament has nothing to do with her voracious sexual appetite
Carter: ah ok
Carter: well
Carter: good
Barnett: its actually cuz she buys too many panties

Barnett: she's always buying panties
Barnett: just an insane amount of panties
Piers Anthony: [nodding] right right

Barnett: now if she was buying a reasonable amount of panties that would be one thing
Barnett: but this is just far too many panties
Anthony: what kind of panties
Barnett: oh i don't know
Barnett: just the regular kind, i guess
Barnett: you know, like
Barnett: girl panties

Anthony: I need details!
Anthony: Is it pretty in pink or all see-through?
Anthony: Is it showing off her brand new lower back tattoo?

Anthony: I don't have to guess the color of her underwear
Anthony: I already know what she's got goin' on down there
Anthony: It's that lacy black pair with the black fishnets
Anthony: the ones i know she bought on the internet
Anthony: I saw them when she sat down, they were peekin' out
Anthony: I'm gonna tell you right now, they're all I'm thinkin' about

Barnett: the thing is this woman is so wasteful that she wears her panties once and throw them out
Anthony: [huffing big wad of panties] I wanna try it, bite it, lick it, spit it, pull it to the side and get all up in it

Barnett: this woman, like, drinks a bottle of wine in a night
Patricia Highsmith: hmm seems kinda light
Barnett: sometimes two bottles
Highsmith: ah now we're talkin!
Highsmith: what a dame!!

Barnett: she's just drinkin' booze and buying panties
Barnett: and that's wasteful
Barnett: do you know what percentage of landfill is made up of single-use panties?
Barnett: ITS A LOT