Midnight Pals: Polari Prize

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
John Boyne: dark lord! dark lord, help me!
JK Rowling: whatsss wrong?
Boyne: i'm being bullied!
Boyne: me! john boyne!
Boyne: author of the boy in the striped pajamas
Boyne: [whispers] a fable

Boyne: nobody has ever been as bullied as me!
Boyne: first the holocaust survivors bully me!
Boyne: then the gamers!
Boyne: now the trans!

Boyne: i was longlisted for the polari prize
Boyne: the most prestigious of queer british awards
Boyne: but then over half of the other nominees withdrew to protest my notorious transphobia
Rowling: HOW DARE THEY!
Boyne: exactly what i said!

Boyne: look, i know i said i was a terf and i fully supported jk rowling's crusade to eradicate to trans people
Boyne: but i don't think it's fair that i should have to suffer social consequences for my beliefs and actions
Boyne: i think everyone should just do what i want
Rowling: god, big mood

Boyne: i have a prepared statement
Boyne: as the victim of trans bullies, I have shown unflinching bravery and skill in the face of darkness and adversity
Boyne: and have proven myself worthy of the Blessings of The Goddess Hylia
Boyne: Whether Skyward bound, adrift in time, or steeped in the glowing embers of twilight, the sacred blade is forever bound to the soul of the hero

John Boyne: i support trans rights
Boyne: unless being equal citizens would diminish the rights of NORMAL women
Boyne: which it clearly would
JK Rowling: yess yess
Boyne: i mean full participation in society is a zero sum game after all
Rowling: of course
Boyne: a real crabs in a bucket situation

Boyne: remember that when you say i shouldn't be nominated for LGBTQ awards because of my anti-T beliefs
Boyne: this is who you're bullying
Boyne: i'm just a smol bean and author of the boy in the striped pajamas
Boyne: [whispers] a fable

Boyne: i have a solution that i think will make everyone happy
Boyne: i think everyone should stop boycotting this award because of me and also everyone should be nice to me
Boyne: that's my offer
Boyne: i think its more than generous

Boyne: also if you don't accept my full-throated support for transphobia, i might just kill myself
Boyne: and you wouldn't want THAT on your conscience would you hmmmm?
Boyne: the death of me, the author of the boy in the striped pajamas!
Boyne: [whispers] a fable