Midnight Pals: The Three Rs

Angela Carter: see, the way it works is you take an existing myth or legend
King: uh huh
Carter: and then you add the 3 Rs
Carter: you REimagine
Carter: REcontextualize
Carter: and REinvent
King: and this works for any myth or legend?
Carter: any myth or legend!

Carter: for example, think of little red riding hood King: right, right
Carter: and imagine what if the wolf represented patriarchy?
King: ok
Carter: and the red cloak represented menses?
King: um ok
Carter: and also red fucked the wolf?
Barker: YES

Carter: the important thing, steve, is that this works for any legend
King: wow! this opens up so many possibilities!
Mary Shelley: this sounds like more john barth bullshit
Carter: ah yes john barth has been known to do this
Shelley: i don't truck with john barth bullshit

Carter: mary, why are you so hostile to john barth?
Mary Shelley: cuz he's a wanky shit
Shelley: "oh oh oh look me i'm fucking john barth"
Shelley: "ooo wot if we weren't actually people at all, what if we were actually just characters in an internet microfiction series oo"
Shelley: real wanky shit

John Barth: ah yes what IF we were all just characters in an internet microfiction series
Shelley: jesus h christ
Shelley: you see what i mean?
Barth: it would raise a lot of questions about causality and free will
Shelley: oh fuck off
Barth: in fact
Barth: one second
Barth: [rips massive bong hit]

Dean Koontz: oh! oh! oh!
Koontz: i want to do the 3 Rs too!
Koontz: i want to recontextualize, reimagine and reinvent something!
Carter: what do you want to recontextualize, reimagine and reinvent, dean?
Koontz: FRANKENSTEIN!
Shelley: you see what you did?
Shelley: you fuckin see what you did?

John Wiswell: i'm going to reimagine, recontextualize, and reinvent some greek myths!
Wiswell: like, what if they were nice?
Wiswell: i just think that would be nice
Wiswell: like if the greek gods could just get over all their fussin' and a feudin'

Wiswell: ok so imagine hercules, the hero of ancient glory
Wiswell: one day hera makes a real booboo and kills hercules' kids
Wiswell: just a real whoopsiedoodle

Wiswell: so there's this whoopsiedoodle and now hercules' kids are dead
Barker: i need more context on this whoopsiedoodle
Barker: like, what actually happened
Wiswell:
Barker: like, specifically
Wiswell: i
Wiswell: i don't want to talk about it with dean here
Koontz: what? why? what?

Wiswell: just imagine
Wiswell: what if instead of killing monsters
Wiswell: hercules was nice to them?
Wiswell: like he could hug the nemean lion
Wiswell: and tell the stymphalian birds they're valid
Wiswell: and pet the hydra
Koontz: on every head?
Wiswell: on every head, yes, of course

Wiswell: and he could make sure that cerberus stays hydrated
Koontz: what's cerberus
Wiswell: it's a dog
Koontz: whoa!!!
Wiswell: well technically its like three dogs
Koontz: WHOA!!!!
Koontz: THAT'S EVEN BETTER!!!!

Jasmine Mas: i've got a way better hercules story
Wiswell: gosh let's hear this one!
Mas: hey fam it's me your gal hercules
Mas: i was just a normal high school senior at Grecian Urn High
Mas: trying to finish my normal greek classes
Mas: getting an A in dionysusing and a B in thebesing

Mas: the world of ancient greece is run by these all powerful titans called the spartans
Mas: who love pythagoras' theorum and ionic columns
Barker: it sounds like you're saying random greek stuff
Mas: nuh uh
Mas: um er
Mas: odyssey democracy euclidian geometry babaghanoush

Mas: but it turns out that i am actually a spartan
Mas: cuz i took a blood test and it turns out i uhhh have gyros in my blood
Mas: and zeno's paradox in my heart
Mas: and uh
Mas: uhhh
Mas: uhhhhhhhhh
Barker: did you run out of greek things