Midnight Pals: Da Picts

Grant Allen: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of Pallinghurst Barrow
Allen: it's about a scientist who's going to a scientist convention
Allen: to talk to scientists about science
Allen: as you do

Allen: of course, this scientist
Allen: he's very rational, very logical
Allen: he's certainly NOT given to wild flights of fancy
Allen: not the sort to believe in non-scientific things
King: oooo this going to be good!

Allen: but it turns out that right next to his lodgings
Allen: there's this barrow
Allen: it's probably nothing to worry about
Allen: it's probably fine

Allen: but THEN
Allen: he goes out to the barrow and OH SHIT
Allen: he sees the ghosts of the picts!
Allen: and he's all "oh no"
Allen: "I sure PICT a bad time to go to the barrow!"

Allen: he sees these scary pict cavemen
Allen: with their sloping ape-like brows and hairy monkey faces
King: hey grant i don't think the picts were actually cavemen
Lovecraft: steve, don't interrupt the man!

King: i'm pretty sure the picts weren't cavemen tho
Allen: no no they were definitely cavemen
Allen: see, steve, there's this brand new theory
Allen: it's called evolution
Allen: you might have heard of it

Allen: see, the way it works is
Allen: organisms change over time due to mutation and genetics
Allen: stop me if i'm going too fast
King: no i'm following so far
Poe: steve you know this theory
King: edgar please
King: i'm listening and learning

Allen: so see
Allen: people evolved from cavemen, right?
King: i mean, i get the principle, yes
Allen: and the picts came before us, right?
Allen: so the picts were cavemen, right?
Allen: that's science
King: ya know, i can't argue with science

Allen: anyway, the scientist is all "boy i'm having a hard time with these ghost picts"
Allen: "maybe the local doctor can give me a prescription for a nice sedative"
Allen: and the doctor's all "solution is simple, you need to smoke this weed"
Allen: "that will definitely stop those weird thoughts and visions"

Allen: anyway he takes the weed
Allen: but surprisingly, that is NOT the end of the weird thoughts and visions

Fitz James O'Brien: hey man
O'Brien: did i hear someone was looking for the weed that stops you from having weird thoughts and visions?
Allen: yes, do you have anything like that?
O'Brien: man, i got EVERYTHING
O'Brien: but no i don't have that

Allen: what do you do if you're having weird thoughts and visions?
O'Brien: man, you should try smoking a little bud, man
Allen: will that help?
O'Brien: will that help what