Midnight Pals: Wizards

[at unicorn fuck club]
Brandon Sanderson: boy, i love being a fantasy writer!
Sanderson: and the best part of being a fantasy writer?
Sanderson: it's talking about wizards!
Terry Goodkind: wizards? did you say wizards??
Goodkind: i LOVE talking about wizards!
Sanderson: me TOO!

Sanderson: i mean, why even be a fantasy writer if you don't like wizards?
Diane Duane: i write about wizards too! some of them are cats!
Tanya Huff: OMG me two!!!
Huff: TWINSIES!!!

Sanderson: how about you george? how do you feel about wizards?
GRR Martin: well see the saga of fire and ice is based on the historical war of the roses so actually its p realistic
Martin: just kidding, of course there's wizards!
Goodkind: WIZARDS!
Sanderson: WIZARDS!
Duane: WIZARDS!
Huff: WIZARDS!

Sanderson: you gotta like wizards if you're gonna write fantasy
Sanderson: jrrt, how do you feel about wizards?
Tolkien: wizards?
Tolkien: meh
Tolkien: they're okay
Sanderson:
Goodkind:
Martin:
Duane:
Huff:

Sanderson: tell us about the wizards in middle earth, jirt
Tolkien: ugh god
Tolkien: why do you always want to know about the wizards
Tolkien: i have literally no interest in talking about these wizards
Tolkien: when we could be talking about the hobbits sexy sexy feet
Tolkien: big hairy stinky feet

Sanderson: c'mon jirt tell us about the wizards
Tolkien: ok fine
Tolkien: well there's gandalf the gray
Tolkien: and saruman the white
Tolkien: and umm radagast
Tolkien: he's brown

Tolkien: and then there's like
Tolkien: ummmm
Tolkien: two other guys
Sanderson: what're their names?
Tolkien: what? oh jeez
Tolkien: i gotta come up with TWO more wizard names?
Tolkien: god this is intolerable

Sanderson: c'mon jirt you've got us all wondering
Sanderson: you can't just say there are these other wizards and not tell us anything about them
Tolkien: ugh christ
Tolkien: fine
Tolkien: they're
Tolkien: god i dunno what colors are left
Sanderson: there's blue
Tolkien: fine that's it they're blue

Sanderson: wait both of them?
Tolkien: yeah
Sanderson: they're both blue?
Tolkien: yeah
Sanderson:
Sanderson: you know there's a whole rainbow of color options
Tolkien: oh my god shut up
Tolkien: i am so fucking tired

Sanderson: so there's gandalf the gray, saruman the white, radagast the brown, and two blue guys
Tolkien: yeah thats right
Sanderson: and the blue guys aren't named
Tolkien: nope
Sanderson:
Sanderson: ok but
Tolkien: why do you all care so much about these stupid blue guys
Tolkien: just accept it!

Tolkien: just deal with it, you foolish son of a took!
Sanderson:
Tolkien: you dotard! Naught but a ninnyhammer!
Sanderson: [looking at his CTR ring] Now calm down, brandon-diddly-diddly-diddly-doodly, he's doing their best, shodilly-iddly- iddly-diddly. Gotta be nice, hostility-ility-biddly- diddly

Sanderson: if you didn't want to talk about wizards, why'd you even make the blue guys? you could have stopped at 3
Tolkien: i was on the spot, okay? i panicked!
Tolkien: you lot with all your wizard pressure!
Tolkien: i don't care about wizards!

Tolkien: listen, assholes, i got into fantasy for exactly 3 reasons:
Tolkien: sexy hobbit feet
Tolkien: feasts
Tolkien: and fuckin' tom bombadil!
Sanderson: tom bombadil?
Tolkien: he's only the most important thing in middle earth!
Tolkien: that capering buffoon of a wifeguy holds it all together!!