Midnight Pals: The Fourth Estate

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: today we retire jesssse ssssingal
Jesse Singal: but mommy!
Rowling: he is a ssspent force
Rowling no one can take him ssseriousssly anymore
Singal: but mommy--!

Singal: mommy no! I'm still relevant! give me another chance mommy!
Rowling: you've had your moment jesssse
Rowling: but the transsss know your game now and now they won't talk to you
Rowling: plusss all thossse sssibilantsss in your name are jussst really hard to pronounce

Rowling: tonight i pressent to you
Rowling: the NEW jessse ssingal
Rowling: fassster, ssstronger, more efficient
Rowling: over TWICE the concern trolling capabilitiess
Rowling: i call her  
Rowling: Azeen Ghorayshi
All: [polite clapping]

Azeen Ghorayshi: so i know that jamie reed was exposed as a lying crank months ago
Ghorayshi: but what my article supposes is
Ghorayshi: what if she wasn't?

Ghorayshi: listen, i'm a journalist
Ghorayshi: i follow the story wherever it goes
Ghorayshi: and if the story turns out to be that Jamie Reed is a weirdo loon, then I guess I just have to write a story about how she's got valid concerns
Ghorayshi: that's the 4th estate, baby

Ghorayshi: listen, if i have to betray the trust of 100 vulnerable families to launder the reputation of one lying crank
Ghorayshi: i mean, that's just my duty as a journalist
Ghorayshi: also why does everyone keep sending me that one onion article

Ghorayshi: And that's how I became your humble narrator
Ghorayshi: To be living so easy and free
Ghorayshi: Expect you think that I should be haunted
Ghorayshi: But it never really bothers me

Singal: ooo you think you're so great!! i was here first
Ghorayshi: get lost kid you're yesterday's news
Ghorayshi: now if you'll excuse me
Ghorayshi: some of us crackerjack newshounds have trans youth to endanger

Singal: [looking under a rock] hello? hello?
Singal: are there any trans youth down there who will still talk to me
Singal: p-please
Singal: i need the appearance of balance!!
Singal: anyone?