Midnight Pals: Bon Mots

Oscar Wilde: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the ugly painting
Wilde: but first
Wilde: some patented oscar wilde bon mots
Wilde: the only thing worse than being talked about is
Wilde: go ahead, guess
Mary Shelley: i ain't playing this game

Oscar Wilde: I hear some of you don't appreciate my bon mots
Poe: oh er
Poe: it's not that oscar
Poe: it's just that
Poe:
Poe: clive do you want to pitch in here?
Barker: no you're doing fine
Barker: haha

Wilde: what's the problem?
Poe: oh it's not you oscar, it's us
Poe: its just that your wit is too droll for this audience
Wilde: really? too droll?
Wilde:
Wilde: you're just saying that to be nice
Poe: no! NO of course not

Oscar Wilde: okay okay just give me another chance
Wilde: now this bon mot
Wilde: this one i think you're gonna like
Wilde: [clears throat]
Wilde: so why is it that you park on a driveway and
Barker: BOOO
Wilde: drive on a
Barker: BOOOOOOO

Wilde: ok ok just wait
Wilde: this next one
Wilde: oh boy
Wilde: this next one's gonna kill
Wilde: you ready for this one?? alright here it comes
Wilde: what's black and white and red all over
Barker: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Barker: BOOOOOOOO!!!
Wilde: [tugging collar] woof tough crowd tonight
Wilde: steve must be out sick
Wilde: better bring out the big guns
Wilde: ok so there's this traveling insurance saleman
Wilde: and there's this farmer with these 3 horny daughters

Barker: BOOO
Poe: clive
Barker: what? he sucks
Poe: yeah but
Poe: god, for pity's sake, clive
Poe: he's dying out there

King: look, oscar, maybe it's just that your style of humor isn't right for this crowd
Wilde: what kind of humor do you guys like
King: well, we're all horror writers
King: so kim newman

Kim Newman: [pulling up in a comically undersized bicycle as 'Entrance of the Gladiators' plays on calliope] DID SOMEONE SAY MY NAME???

Kim Newman: good evening ladies and germs [rimshot]
Newman: i just flew in from san francisco and boy are my arms tired [rimshot]
Newman: [waggles eyebrow, bowtie spins]
Barker: now THAT'S comedy
Poe: he's done it again!
Koontz: i like THESE bon mots!
Wilde: