Midnight Pals: Pun Times

[at unicorn fuck club]
Piers Anthony: ok guys get ready
Piers Anthony: it's time for PUN times with Piers Anthony!
Anthony: i think you'll all have a real SNAKE time!
Anthony: ANACONDA they're so funny!

Anthony: so bob basilisk, gooey goblin, and steve Stymphalian bird were walking on the beach
Anthony: when suddenly someone started shooting sea shells at them
Anthony: normally shells just lie on the beach
Anthony: but THESE shells were being shot at them

Anthony: these shells were being loaded into guns and shot at them
Anthony: propelled by gunpowder!
Anthony: in a manner quite unusual when it comes to shells in fact
Anthony: most peculiar!
Anthony: [turning to audience] can YOU guess the pun? turn the page for the answer

Anthony: in fact they were artillery shells!
Anthony: eh? eh? get it?
JRR Tolkien:
GRR Martin:
CS Lewis:
Anthony: well, if you don't like it, blame Jimmy B. (12) of akron, ohio

Anthony: anyway princess penelope comes by
Anthony: and she's all "oh no"
Anthony: "i'm at the beach"
Anthony: "guess i better..."
Anthony: "TAKE OFF MY PANTIES!!!"
JRR Tolkien:
GRR Martin:
CS Lewis:
Anthony: you guys she's taking off her panties

Anthony: so princess penelope hides deep in the bushes and looks this way and that just to make sure that no one can see her take off her panties
Anthony: but you know what she can't hide from?
Anthony: the author!
Anthony: it's too late, i've already seen everything

Anthony: guys for real though
Anthony: i totally saw EVERYTHING
Anthony: like, ALL her panties
Anthony: i saw them
JRR Tolkien:
Anthony: she was wearing them
Tolkien:
Anthony: pretty cool, huh?
JRR Tolkien: you know i'm just not gonna put any women in my books i think

Anthony: so just imagine if a sexy girl wore panties
JRR Tolkien: i can't imagine this
GRR Martin: no no he's on to something, i can picture this
Brian Jacques: [squeaking] i use a sewn-up maple leaf for underwear!

Anthony: ok now just imagine the panties
Anthony: oh boy you guys
Anthony: i don't know if i should say it
Anthony: it might be too hot
GRR Martin: say it!
Anthony: ok guys now just imagine
Anthony: the panties are  
Anthony: pink
Anthony: oh ho ho i can't believe i said it!!!

Anthony: so just imagine the perkiest little pink panties you can
JRR Tolkien: wait isn't this story for kids?
Anthony: oh yeah there's nothing prurient or adult about this
Tolkien: ah ok
Anthony: these panties are being worn by a virginal 8 year old
Tolkien:
Anthony: so its fine