Midnight Pals: The Rules of Magic

[unicorn fuck club]
Brandon Sanderson: so I’ve got a story
Sanderson: I call it the tale of cosmere universe
Sanderson: it’s kind of long, so you should all probably go to the bathroom first

Sanderson: so here’s what you have to know about the cosmere universe
Sanderson: it’s got a hard magic system
Sanderson: you have to spend 8 points of manna to cast magic missile
Sanderson: but only if you get +2 on your saving dexterity roll
Sanderson: and if there’s a level 3 cleric or above in your party, they can roll to assist

Alan Moore: [appearing in a flash of thunder] greetings mortals
Sanderson: um excuse me sir
Sanderson: you cannot just appear like that
Sanderson: by the rules of magic, you have to first roll a +8 in spell casting OR shadow weaving
Moore: foolish imp, my magic cannot be contained!
Moore: your earthly laws cannot bind my powers
Moore: for magic knows no rules
Moore: only vibes

Sanderson: UM
Sanderson: that’s NOT the way it works
Sanderson: there are RULES, you know
Sanderson: three of them
Clive Barker: damn I’m surprised you had time to come up with three whole rules what with all those doorstoppers you write
Sanderson: well there was going to be a fourth but I ran out of time
Sanderson:
Sanderson: why are you
Barker: yeah I’m here sometimes
Barker: I wrote abarat, that counts

Sanderson: the cosmere universe has 8 realms: sun, moon, flesh, ether, dirt, water, fire, heart
Sanderson: and each realm has 12 singularities, called perpetuities
Sanderson: each of those perpetuities are endowed with the essence of the create-o-sphere
Sanderson: that’s the cosmic pangea that split to make the 4 orbs of knowing
Sanderson: see, what you have to understand in that the universe has chaos AND order
Sanderson: like, balances of them

Sanderson: also another important thing
Sanderson: whenever anyone feels an emotion, like a little sprite representing that emotion appears and dances around for a bit
Sanderson: but don’t worry
Sanderson: you don’t need to know any of that to understand the story
Barker: wow that’s interesting
Barker: so I hear you hate gay people, what’s up with that
Barker:
Barker: oh sorry usually about this time edgar would intervene
Barker: haha damn I’m not used to working alone

Barker: so I heard you hate gay people
Sanderson: haha no no you got it all wrong
Sanderson: I don’t personally hate gay people
Sanderson: I simply support an institution that wants to kill them

Sanderson: I think they’re neat
Sanderson: if it were up to me, they wouldn’t be exterminated at all
Sanderson: but jeez, guys, who am I to tell the Mormon church it’s wrong?
Sanderson: I really don’t have any choice here other than to keep tithing them millions of dollars
Sanderson: I guess I gotta just hope they don’t use all that money for anything bad
Sanderson: but my hands are tied
Orson Scott Card: oh yeah totally very relatable

Barker: haha that sucks, man
Sanderson: whoa whoa whoa
Sanderson: look, I know you all think I’m some sort of bogeyman for giving millions of dollars to a church that wants to kill queer people
Sanderson: but consider this
Sanderson: I wrote Lord Orebor Twylbyll in The Shroud of Steel and Ivory to be gray ace
Sanderson: so really I think that balances everything out
Barker:
Barker: haha
Barker: that still sucks man