a change

so, i have a small and fairly personal update. Mutagenesis is going on hold for a bit, which i'm loathe to do because i started this project with the full intention of finishing it. i WILL finish it, maybe not in the full scope i wanted, and i don't know when. the reason is because i'm starting work on Wyvern, a long-form graphic novel/webcomic(??) in order to apply to a writing grant. i started writing the script for Wyvern in 2014 and its since unravelled to a 3-book draft the size of about 117,000 words. it's not an understatement to say this is the only thing i want to do, right now, with every fibre of my body. even if i don't get this grant, i intend to continue making the comic. although the only thing i can think is "why didn't i start this earlier?" lol. well...

i finished my university honours course in 2019. until this point i had never been outside of the structure of the education system. i had no plans for where i would go other than a nebulous "get a job", but in the back of my mind i knew i didn't want to pursue a career in science. really, i know i didn't study an expensive degree with the goal of getting a PhD, starting a career, and living on the unreliable but usually comfortable money that research makes. i did i because i think biology is interesting! and i enjoy learning! i'm fortunate that despite now being in debt i got to make that choice, and despite failing to find work in research i'm not remotely bitter about it any more. i enjoyed that time i had in the lab, but i won't be going back.

covid severely impacted my chances of finding work, like everyone else, and i returned to government benefits. i've been on benefits since i was maybe 18 and now i'm almost 25. i was unemployed for more than 12 months, and was given casual work by a job search provider only a few months ago. this morning i voluntarily walked out of their office and the benefit system, hopefully for good, after being coerced, dehumanised, condescended to, and threatened. this is because i refused to work the hours they wanted of me in order to roll me off the benefit and get their commission from the gov for a job well done. the required hours (5 working days) were incompatible with the time i wanted (3-4 days) that would let me work on the comic, and i knew this, so i refused them. so sitting in front of them i cancelled my payment and left the office. during the appointment i had mentioned i was an artist, that i did "paintings", and as i was leaving the suit asked if he could see them. i laughed, and told him no.

my experience on jobseeker and dealing with JSPs, and centrelink as a whole, has been sickening to my core. i felt sick and crushed as i was actively denying that system. it's an incredibly difficult thing to do, and many people in australia do not have that option. in their permanent records i'm now listed as "denying work", as having done "job sabotage". i tore off a bandaid that had been rotting and festering since i had been 18, and it fucking hurt! and now i'm on my own, the office won't get their fat cheque, and i'm free. 

the hardest question as an adult you are never taught is "how do i live a meaningful life?". and there's no clear answer to it, but i'm starting to start to figure it out. for the time being i'm still employed, but without a financial safety net this is where having this patreon becomes important. as i work on Wyvern i will eventually revamp my page and (as a heads up) the tiers. the comic is what i want to make, so i'm making it. for a long time i've ummed and ahhed about what to say to people when they ask me what i do, and i'm tired of it! i'm an artist! it's all i ever was!

i'll leave you with a short blurb on what Wyvern is about, written as part of my grant application. and as always, thank you for being here.

P.S.: Fuck the australian government