EPISODE 12 PT 1: THE COLLAPSE OF THE TOWER
Added 2024-02-29 17:22:44 +0000 UTCThe final cycle of this series, the final ordeal of depression. With this episode, we're embarking on a journey that should end with the collapse of this mysterious tower—first, though, we have to set some things straight. Before we can even approach the tower, we need a more nuanced definition of depression. With the help of phenomenologist Matthew Ratcliffe, we closely examine what depression literally "is," possibility, and significance. We also look at anticipation, grief, and memory. With this episode, we're beginning to circle the very core of my theory. The end is in sight.
Text from the original guide:
"The Bargainer’s Dream allows the dreamer to reestablish connection with the Self. For a time things may even appear to “get better.” Full healing cannot be completed, however, until the dreamer allows for the collapse of the tower. This entails destruction of previous value hierarchies and attachments that do not serve the inner self. Symbolically this stage is a death, and may even dredge up fears of mortality from the frightened ego."
Comments
My lost object is a relationship, and my tower is the attachment I have to the unconscious belief I have had that romantic love is the most necessary form of love. I realize now that it is because of that, that I gave the most sacred and vulnerable parts of myself to someone who was never going to have the capacity to do anything but neglect and abuse them. It felt like I had sold my soul for a dream only to wake up in a nightmare where I had no connection to the world or myself. Last week I ran the code on what it would really look like for me to choose to die. I isolated from people who wanted to help and started making arrangements to take care of my affairs. It was like I had to tangibly bring this dark thing to the light so I could see for certain that was just another dead end in the labyrinth. I have had this unconventional relationship with pain ever since I birthed my children. Going through that taught me that pain has something incredibly valuable to offer us if we are curious and brave enough to lean into it. I needed to go right to the edge in order to find where the actual boundary was between learning from it and being lost in it. It is a hell that I both wouldn’t wish on anyone, and at the same time believe is one of the experiences we are all meant and even need to have at some point or another. Thank you for all of the extensive labor and love you have put into this. It has been one of the ways I’ve been able to keep my hand on the wall for this long. It is liberating lives that long to be free. Looking forward to the rest of the series. ♥️
Sarah Steinhauer
2024-03-29 21:46:57 +0000 UTCNow with the memory...of a time not long after walking out of the hospital ward, after learning how to walk again. In my home, not there now, walking outside to sit by a quiet brook running along the back. A quiet place I could sit and be. Standing there, quiet, poised, still, was a heron. That was over 20 years ago. That same animal is a totemic animal to me.
Rich Lamb
2024-03-29 11:14:04 +0000 UTC
