BB's dirty thoughts Sept 1.0

A bit overdue, but here we are. We're going Deep lore tonight... to Bordeaux's Win95 machine back in the DAY, and her "homework" folder.

My folks weren't nearly so computer savvy as to be able to find it, but as a young girl, I still wanted to be smart. Besides, I didn't have a lot of ground work for understanding my own sexuality at the time, being that this was VERY early days- all I knew was adult material was something Not Discussed, legally off limits to me, and something very natural HAPPENING to my body. I loved it, I loved the feeling, and I was Glad to be discovering the wonders of anime porn at the time.

(Remember those P F Kiss dolls? Some of them were innocent and fun dress up, and I ALWAYS gave them the gothiest looks before I even know what goth really WAS {further "evidence" that goth is born, not made XD} but others had more.... adult elements. Some just had touches of it, but others were basically early porn games.)

But IN that folder- with my Play F Kiss dolls program and my various hundreds of photos, was a very particular stripe of fantasy. Not dark, but surprisingly loving... and... confusing to my sexually aroused body.

In the many packs of photos I'd downloaded (deleting the ones I didn't care about- anyone else remember Kazaa?) there was this hentai anime series that put out a "wedding series" set. NO idea to this day what it was, other than a blushing, happy bespectacled nerd guy and a porn star buxom, gorgeous, elegant-yet-totally-smutty goddess at his side, smiling her ass off with a gigantic boquet.

And this... HIT something in the young romantic mind. Here was a ridiculously happy couple, one gartered and curvy and Stunning, and next to her was this sweet shy dude who couldn't be more thrilled to have landed such a stunner. The first photos weren't even pornographic- just your average anime-style wedding photo, an action shot, really. Later ones showed her stripping down to her bridal lingerie, and other shots involved the wedding night, itself... but most of it was... just them happy.

It was an set of 6 or so photos, amongst the other things I'd retained; werewolves brutally mauling buxom babes creaming themselves, lesbian kisses and tribbing, fucking machines, close up angles of entry, throats bulging, stuffed full with cock, excited subs all bound in rope, tall, gorgeous women stepping on eager prey, elegant shibari, bishounen making out with each other, erotic piercings, corsets and stockings and boots, all the things you'd expect of a young burgeoning nerd and kinky person.  It seems shockingly mundane compared it's surrounding jpegs, but it nonetheless still hit those buttons in me- true love was a kink to itself, and marriage, a form of intimate, highly consensual bondage. that set off something I didn't yet understand, but absolutely got off to.

I would later learn what this was- a love of romance, an almost fetishization of things beautiful, tragic, romantic or longing. Love remains one of my biggest buttons (not shocking in a human being, many of us have it), a desperate lover helplessly in love being a GREAT way to bring out passions of my own.

But there was something special about the wedding night.

(Not in the virginal sense- to me, there is nothing sexual or interesting about female virginity and the fetishization of vaginal pain. It isn't fun pain. To start with, girls who haven't had sex before OFTEN do not have what some might expect. Hymens actually come in a variety of configurations, and often, through sport or tampons, have already been torn or don't exist. I understand why male virginity is very sexy, because it's pleasurable right out, but female virginity takes greater care to be so, the first time. Imagine how much better the world would be if young women were encouraged to gently stretch and break their own hymens, such that their Very first time with their chosen lover was far less painful! The whole "first dick" thing could still be a thing, if that was wanted!)

But in the ritual sense, in the "we've made beautiful, undying vows to each other" sense, in the "we've come together before gods or community or whatever is important to the couple", in the white garters and heels and tender words and the start of the rest of their lives as a unit. That... THAT.... was not just something to be celebrated, but something to joyfully sexualize.

And I sit here, dear reader, pounding at the erotic notion of it- at the sheer concept of commitment so dear and sincere that both would wish to make the statement publicly, coming together for all to see.

And perhaps it's sheer fantasy, but the idea of bending the bride over and taking her right there after vows for all public eyes to see, for sheer inability to wait, is UnBearly sexy (and of course, presses that voyeur button ;) ). Slamming your cock home, or pressing vulva to vulva together right there before your Priestess or Priest.... there are just so many things that make it sexy! The love, the promise of sex, all of the finery and expenditures put into location, dress, and vacation after... pearls and diamonds, ribbons or garnets, Autumn leaves or spring flowers, utterly DESTROYED lace panties covered in cum....

It's ridiculously erotic to me, dear reader. The promise of undying permanence, of security and sweet safety, of dedication lasting. (Plus, if you do it right, what a God Damn Party you get to throw! Screw making a stressful event for everyone else- making something you and your partner can enjoy, and everyone else after.)

And tonight, I'll dream of red ribbons and white lace shredded open, the sweet, succulent fruits of sacred bondage, tying two beautiful creatures together in something intimate...