BB's dirty thoughts, 16th Jan

It's time to talk about it; my lifelong obsession, one of my biggest erotic inspirations, something I've been both student and teach of, possibly my favourite forms of communication and intimacy next to sex itself; the tango.

And we're not talking about French / International tango, used in competitions. We're talking true to it's roots, developed in brothels as a cover for sex, Latin down to blood... Argentinian tango... or just... el Tango.

A bit of background- I started ballet/jazz/tap as a very young girl (5 or so) and stuck with it till my early teens, when my true love became books and music. I had already started my musical training (around 7 or so) in theory and chorus (it's not appropriate to start on operatic vocals till the later teens, but even so my professional teacher had me on age appropriate material- art songs and such through my early teens). But I still danced- salsa, rhumba, merengue, rock, Broadway... whatever I had records or tapes of. I started ballroom in my high school years, and it stuck with me throughout my life...

...but when I met tango, I was changed.

Here was a dance that could flirt; that could exchange delightful, fun and casual intimacy and never breech the surface. And yet, if you want to, here was a dance that could cut down to the very core of you, discussing the deepest and most painful parts of your personality whilst being held, exorcising passion and vivacity reserved for the Longest of long term lovers. I won't say that a good tango is better than sex; the two really are separate things. But a good tango (between two people who both have a solid grip of the language) leaves you as Satisfied as sex; exhausted, emotionally run through a ringer, passionate feelings manhandled, wrestled or played with, comforted by the connection of a person completely separate from you, touched intimately, adored, worshipped and returning that adoration and worship, and best of all, your body used to communicate what you truly feel; words aren't needed.

A good cabeceo can undress me, leaving me feeling completely naked. This can either be quite exciting and embarrassing, or utterly liberate me; I run to a good cabeceo, because I've been promised an excellent time, and I'm never one to turn down pleasure.

A cabeceo in the strictest, most boring explanation, is the way a lead asks a follow to dance. It is done silently, simply for convenience; you can ask in a noisy milonga hall without those pesky words (or possible language barriers!), and you can do it across an entire room without needing to be close to ask. It can also potential spare the requester embarrassment, but there really shouldn't be any shame in rejection, and while negative feelings towards a refusal may be understandable, never should they be put upon another person, who the requester has absolutely no entitlement to. And it's convenient! If she's tired or simply not interested in dancing at that moment, a brief break of eye contact is all it takes from the recipient, and you can scan for the next partner that captures your interest!

But when an experienced dancer locks their eyes on me with deadly intention and I'm in the mood to dance? Oh, that lead may has well have invited me to caviar and a sunset over Belize, or champagne and secrets. I can't resist. I don't want to. Run, don't walk.  

Not that I hurry, of course. Like anything intimate and proper, I take my time. I prepare their appetites as mine have already been stimulated by the intivation. I play, I flirt... I test. I sample the waters that my lead has invited me to, taking cues from the music they've selected to dance to, and their body language. I get a feel for their skill level; they don't need to be especially skilled, but an unconfident lead is likely not going to do much more than focus on getting the dance right, and I won't be able to sink into to well. And that's okay; practice makes perfect. But with a confident lead, even if they only know some basics?

Oh, OH, dear reader. The release of a good tango is Just as satisfying as an orgasm. The stranger is not a stranger, but a human with aches, pains, needs, boundaries and a human requirement of intimacy... just like me. I feel their direction, their language, their style, and I respond.

I learn if my partner is shy, or bold. I learn what they like. I listen.

I have a very fond recollection of a tangero I once went home with; every chance he could, he danced with me. When I was tired, he put water- or wine- in my hands. He asked for consent and took away my pain. He touched where I invited him to touch, and seeing it desired, took a goddamn mile. The sex was five Times as good as the dance, whispering to me in Spanish all the while. And I highlight this because neither of us spoke the other's language. We didn't have to; the physical attraction was instant, the spiritual connection grew and fused over the course of the dance, and provided all the requirements were covered (aka protection), all we were interested in was the other's pleasure. I never saw him again, and yet, I know in my gut that he fondly remembers the night as well as I do.

The most undiscussed part of tango is the emotional floodgates. Everyone sees the intricacy, the passion, the sensuality and sexuality. To be frank, that's the easy part. Strip humans down to their base and we all have an instinct to procreate- that's simple biology. But my fanvourite quote about tango illustrates the point:

"Life is like a tango; sad, sensual, sexy, violent and quiet."

Tango is more than just a physical way of exhausting emotion- that we know from exercise. As I've mentioned, tango can be simple! Light, sweet, nothing to deep, maybe a little flirty. Or you can bear your soul, talk about your embarrassment and shame, be fully accepted and needed by another. Certainly a lead must lead- they're the traffic controller and the driver, the decider of where both of you will physically go, and what, strictly speaking, the dance is going to be. But the dialog between two compatible dancers reveals a form of language- a strong lead can be gentle and tender or it can be furious and violent, and should respond to the stylizations of the follow- "listening" with his body to how she responds. A good tango can leave you raw and a little bit in love. Or it can leave you laughing and grateful. I've Never had a good tango with a lead who hadn't had their heart broken at least once.

And like kink, there are very strong delineations between Demanding in a way that's appreciatively received, and being Pushy. A pushy lead, like a pushy sexual partner, will find the dance awkward and ill-liked. They Won't get another dance. In the right mood, a demanding partner can have their Complete way with the follow, guiding her into motions so compromising you might as well be literally fucking right there on the dance floor, for all eyes to see. The difference is, as with all things, consent- really listening to your partner, and this is made a little more tricky by being a strictly physical language. But it's not hard- someone paying attention knows the difference between stiff, unwelcome dislike, and heated, sensuous welcome.

In times I've lead, more than once can I recall the small, jagged intake of breath as I guide my partner through something daring. It's Exciting. I don't need to undress her to know that I've aroused her, or simply tittlated her taste for adventure and socialization. Historically speaking, dances have been places for humans to come together, blend and exchange culture, and mate; it's a poor cultural idea in the US that says men don't dance. They've Utterly Robbed themselves of one of the Best ways to meet mates, casual or serious. (I am TEN times more likely to get involved with someone enthusiastic about trying to dance, regardless of skill level. Again, like sex, enthusiasm counts for a lot-!) Anyone who's serially avoided clubs "because they're crowded an noisy" has utterly robbed themselves of something delightful, fun and freeing- not that there's anything wrong with wanting the one on one, and there are certainly times for gentle music and conversation that goes on for hours. That's what dinner, or cocktails are for. But always avoided dance? No... there is fun there, there is beauty there.

A good lead can pull me against them and learn every secret shape of my body. Can feel the weight of my curves, the softness of my skin, learn whether or not I'm wearing panties that night. Or better- learn about how I like to be touched, and thusly, what I do and don't have in my life. What I'm missing. What I can give. How I like to give it.

But I encourage everyone here to try a dance just once- any kind of dance, and I don't just mean ballroom, tango, or the mosh pit, though those all work as well. The human brain correlates dance to sex, and it's one of the easiest ways to connect with yourself, even if you're doing it in a bedroom with no skill at all, shades down. ;)

And who knows-! Maybe one day, you'll see me on the dance floor.

But the tango, ah, the tango. My heart and soul, the tango... and all of it's emotion.... there simply is nothing like it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxGB6WUPJog