TGIS: Solar Eclipse of the Heart

Hello and happy Saturday, patrons! I feel like it's been forever since I've been able to sit down and write a little something here. It's nice to be back(ish)! It's been a whacky couple of weeks, to say the least, and I feel like I'm just starting to get my bearings again. Just in time for another round of chemo on Wednesday! The last week has been a gradual recovery from the previous week spent existing in a literal fever dream. The one benefit of the chemo fog brain is that I remember I went to the hospital but I don't remember the level of physical discomfort I was in. The memory bank chucks out the visceral pain but keeps the environmental context. And, hey, I'll take it! The last time I saw my oncologist (right before my last chemo session) he said, "remember, some of the drugs will create a certain degree of amnesia for you throughout this process." And I was like lol, well how do you expect me to remember that? I didn't say that. I nodded politely and thought about how insane that is quietly to myself. There are so many different things going on in my body currently it's wild to think that the medication creates something like a protective system of selective memory that actually helps you get through the complicated process by means of helping you force-forget the worst of it. Wild. Absolutely wild. 

This week has been a slow progression of trying to regain some sense of authority over my body. It was really out of my control for a few days, and reclaiming management over it proves to be as much mental as physical. The antibiotics are helping physically, but mentally I have to trust the process and work with my body, rather than worry against it. It's a gradual development but we're getting a little better each day. And, thankfully, my determination hasn't been entirely eclipsed by my anxiety. Only slightly. 

Speaking of eclipses! Today is the "Ring of Fire" solar eclipse! The moon is passing between the sun and Earth casting a shadow on our planet. A ring of fire is created as the moon doesn't fully cover the sun's disk, leaving a sliver of sunlight around the shape of the moon. Fun! 

Warning: Astrology talk ahead. 

Astrologically, this new moon solar eclipse is happening in Libra and according to Refinery29, it'll cause "a little bit of chaos and a lot of growth." Well, damn. They say eclipse season can be daunting, but nothing we haven't handled before. Astrologer Lisa Stardust (what a name) says, "Since the eclipse is in Libra, who's represented by the scales of justice, we’ll want to do things in moderation in order to find a balance that works for us." Shout out to my fellow Libras who are on a constant conscious/unconscious hunt for harmony. Narayana Montúfar, senior astrologer at Astrology.com (what a gig), says "this new moon is our biggest opportunity of the year to come back to ourselves and remember who we are. We must stop seeing ourselves through other people’s eyes, and chase the goals our young selves wanted to achieve." Double damn! This is a time for reflection, to consider what you really want out of life. And when the new moon is over it'll be time to enact that forward momentum towards your goals. 

Another astrologer, Stephanie Campos, reminds us that eclipses have a way of encouraging us to confront what we've been avoiding. But this one is a little different than usual. She says "It will be forming a conjunction with the South Node of Fate and Destiny. In astrology, the South Node is a point of release — in order for something new to bloom, we must first let go of what no longer serves us." Our attention will be on creating balance within our closest ties thanks to the new moon's position in Libra. "Which relationships in your life feel reciprocal? Which relationships in your life could use some adjustments, and which have you outgrown but have been too scared to move on from?"

OooOOoooOoOoOoooOOoooo. Libra is often associated with relationships, so time to reevaluate our connections... or lack thereof. 

The article wraps up with "While solar eclipses often bring about radical change, it’s often necessary for us to move forward in our lives. As long as we’re open and receptive to what the new moon has to bring us, everything is bound to be alright."

Alright, y'all, it's time to get those metaphorical mirrors out and reflect. What do we want to achieve? What relationships do we want to nurture? Where's the cosmic junk in our lives that we can get rid of? In an accidental synchronicity I've scheduled my annual junk dumpster appointment for Tuesday and Elliott and I are cleaning house. What fun metaphysical timing! And, damn, the idea of using this time to come back to yourself couldn't be more on the nose for me right now. Sometimes I feel like I'm in suspended animation in this chemo process. Just sort of hanging out, getting through it, and waiting for it to be over before I do or think about anything else in my life. I think there's a little residual uncertainty left over from the height of the pandemic too. That feeling of waiting for some external indicator that life can start back up again but being unsure of how exactly to get momentum flowing. Seems like now is an ideal time to meditate on where I'm at, where I want to go, and what I might need or not need to get there. Hmmmm. We got some pondering to do today! While we try not to look directly at the sun!

Okay, I'm gonna leave it there for now. Feels nice to word vomit at you after recovering from a few days of actual vomiting. I hope you all have nice weekends amidst all of your astrological stewing. Thanks, as always, for being here! 💚G