She’s A Sentient Shampoo And He’s A Living Conditioner Who Wants To Pound My Butt - (Classic Tingler Revisited)

its a big bisexual day in the tingleverse. today audiobook for NOT POUNDED BY BI ERASURE BECAUSE MY CURRENT HETERO-PRESENTING RELATIONSHIP DOES NOT INVALIDATE MY QUEERNESS is out and to celebrate i have done two things. FIRST OF ALL i have trotted back and made this tingler available to ALL patreon buckaroos not just true buckaroo tiers, so if you are bottom tier bud you can now access this post from about half year ago on this timeline

then decided we might as well get some more tingles going, specifically the tingles you feel on a scalp when you rub minty shampoo and conditioner into that hair.

this tingler is light on the commentary and heavy on the fun i would say and THAT IS OKAY. sometimes these stories have a deep meaning and sometimes the deep meaning is 'its fun to pound with my bi buds and FIND QUEER JOY'. heck yeah buckaroos lets trot

Carl is a struggling actor with a huge audition on the horizon, and he’s determined to embody every aspect of the role. The man Carl’s hoping to portray is ultra clean-cut, which couldn’t be farther from Carl’s rugged ways, but his sentient shampoo wife, Rinby, is willing to help him out with a bit of a makeover.

It suddenly becomes apparent that Carl has never once used conditioner, and to obtain the look he’s going for, this is a must. Now the loving couple is bringing home a handsome living bottle of conditioner named Norb, and Carl is about to experience the bisexual encounter of a lifetime. But is this shampoo and conditioner combo enough to spruce him up for the big audition?

This erotic tale is 4,100 words of sizzling bisexual human on sentient hair product action.

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SHE’S A SENTIENT SHAMPOO AND HE’S A LIVING CONDITIONER WHO WANTS TO POUND MY BUTT

By Chuck Tingle

I rarely find myself getting nervous, but this morning I’ve woken up with a sort of strange nagging in the back of my mind. It’s a feeling I can’t seem to shake no matter how hard I try, and as I pull the covers away from me and stumble out into the kitchen for a bowl of cereal, this anxiety only grows.

Of course, I know exactly why it’s there, but I’m trying not to think about it until I have to. Tomorrow is set to be one of the biggest days of my career, an audition that could change my life forever if it happens to go well.

I’m an actor, and while I’m not struggling like some folks are, it’s still a constant battle out there in the audition studios and acting classes of Los Angeles. I’ve been blessed enough to have a small career going for myself, managing to keep a roof over my head with a small string of guest appearances and low paying commercial gigs here and there, but I dream of more.

After all, I came out here to act, and I wouldn’t exactly call the role of “waiter” with one line in a failing sitcom to be acting. In fact, the last few shows I’ve gone out for have been a disaster even after I got the job, and when they finally aired I found myself cut from the final product.

It’s getting depressing, honesty, and wearing me down.

I’m a fighter though, and even in my darkest hours I’ve never really considered packing my bags and heading back to the Midwest with my tail between my legs.

Thankfully, this steadfast determination has finally paid off. I don’t know how she managed to swing it, but somehow my agent has me going out for a prominent part in a new feature film, a ninety million dollar adaption of Chuck Tingle’s classic tale, Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt.

If the chips fall in my favor, then I might find myself with a contract to play the notorious living butt, Portork, by this weekend.

Suddenly, a wave of nervous tension washes over me, nearly knocking me backwards right there in the middle of the kitchen. I realize I’ve been holding a spoon full of cereal directly before my mouth for the last five minutes, and finally force myself to take a bite. This is exactly why I can’t even think about the big audition.

While it’s important to know your sides and understand the character, I’ve found I need to focus just as much energy on not overthinking things. Its very easy to get too locked into an idea before your audition, just to show up and find that the producers and casting director have seen it from a different angle and want you to try something new.

Of course, there’s also this anxiety issue that’s been slowly creeping up on me.

“Hey, are you okay?” my wife suddenly asks, breaking through my haze of thoughts and pulling me back to reality.

“Yeah,” I reply, smiling wide as I turn towards her and wrap my arms around her cylindrical plastic body.

My wife, Rinby, is absolutely gorgeous inside and out, an absolute rock in these trying times. She’s always been there for me when I needed her, and knows exactly what to say to pull me out of one of my funks. She’s also not human, but instead an enormous bottle of sentient shampoo.

“You thinking about your audition?” Rinby questions, already knowing the answer but hoping to open a dialog with me.

I nod. “Yeah. It’s really hard, you know? Part of me wants to make sure I’m prepared, but I also don’t want to focus too much and end up freaking out. This part would be huge for me.”
 “I know, I know,” the beautiful shampoo bottle says, rubbing my back. I can tell by her silence now that she’s thinking about something, her mind silently working through a mysterious master plan.

“What is it?” I question, pulling back to get a good look at her.

Rinby smiles. “Well, you know I love you and I’m here to help any way that I can,” she begins. “How about you keep your mind fresh and free, and I’llmake sure you’re prepped for your audition.”

I consider her words for a moment, then finally accept. “Okay, sounds like a plan.”

“Explain your character,” my wife continues.

I take a deep breath and then let it out, trying to focus as hard as I can right now so that I won’t have to in the future. “Well,” I begin. “I’m playing a businessman who is very confident and exceptionally good looking.”

“Not much of a stretch,” Rinby offers. “You’re handsome, baby.”
 “Thank you,” I reply with a grin, “but this is a different kind of good looking. This guy needs to be clean cut and perfectly groomed. Not a single thread is out of place on him.”
 “Oh yeah, that is a problem,” my wife replies, now investigating my shaggy haircut and taking note of the various things I could possibly straighten out.

I’ve always been naturally handsome, and unfortunately this means that my grooming habits aren’t entirely flawless. I take care of myself, of course, but there’s another level in this arena that I have yet to reach.

Of course, my wife has always been a little frustrated by this, mostly thanks to the fact that she’s a sentient health and beauty product. This is her world, and the fact that I’ve never once used moisturizer on my face, or taken the time to trim my eyebrows, drives her crazy.

Now is her chance to let out all of that pent up beautification energy.

“This is going to be fun,” Rinby finally offers. “Let’s go shopping.”

As crazy as it sounds, this plan to divide my attention up and let Rinby handle my audition prep actually seems to work. You’d think being here are the store with her would send me off on a mental tangent of nervous anticipation, but instead I find myself just going with the flow, gladly allowing my wife to take the reins.

As we stroll along the aisle of this beauty shop, my sentient shampoo bottle lover begins to pull down items and toss them into her basket, an assortment of creams and lotions unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I’m so overwhelmingly thankful that she’s here to help me, realizing now that this extra attention to detail is exactly what I need to put my audition over the top.

I catch myself, pushing these thoughts out of my mind. Don’t think about the audition, this is just another day with Rinby.

We round the aisle corner and suddenly find ourselves in a much different section of the store. Here, all of the bottles are enormous, about the same size as the woman of my dreams and featuring an assortment of beautiful faces. We’ve reached the shampoo section.

“Home sweet home,” Rinby offers with a laugh as we stroll along this seemingly endless row of gorgeous ladies.

My wife appears to know quite a few of them, and they excitedly take a moment to catch up on things.

“What are we doing here?” I finally ask my wife when she catches a break. “I already have the only shampoo I’ll ever need.”

Rinby laughs. “I know, that’s the problem. You only use shampoo. It’s time for a little conditioner.”

We continue on our way and, the next thing I know, we’ve found ourselves in yet another section of the store. There are just as many enormous bottles stretching out before us here, but this time they’re all men.

“Oh, hi,” I blurt.

“Take your pick,” my wife offers.

These guys are just as attractive as the shampoos, but there’s something even more exciting to me about this particular stop. Rinby is correct, I’ve been using shampoo my entire life and I know exactly what it’s like. Conditioner, however, is a different story. It’s certainly something that I’ve always been curious about, but I’ve never taken the time to give it a try.

“Really?” I question.

Rinby nods. “It’s for the role, right?”
 This is only half correct, as a bisexual man who is happily married to a beautiful woman, this is a side of my sexuality that rarely gets a chance to come out any play anymore. My body is trembling, but not from the awful anticipation of my audition. Instead, I’m quaking with arousal.

I begin to stroll down the aisle, my eyes wandering across the various conditioners with their extensive variety of scents and ingredients.

Suddenly, one catches my eye, a handsome bottle with a playful smile and a slightly mischievous twinkle in his eye.

“Hey,” is all I can think to say.

“Hey man, how’s it going?” the conditioner replies casually. “I’m Norb.”

“I’m Carl and this is my wife Rinby,” I tell him, extending a hand.

Norb gives me a firm handshake in return. “I couldn’t help but notice your hair,” he continues. “I hope I’m not speaking out of turn but… you’ve never used conditioner before, have you?”

I shake my head. “Just shampoo. I mean, I’ve always been curious about conditioner but I guess I’ve never really gotten around to it.”
 “That’s cool,” Norb continues, very causal and nonchalant. There’s something about his relaxed and confident demeanor that really gets me going, an upside-down reflection of my own tightly wound nature.

My wife and I exchange glances, saying more through a single quick expression than words ever could.

“Want to come with us?” I question.

“Hell yeah,” replies Norb, stepping down off the shelf. “Sounds good.”

Instead of heading right to the shower, my wife and I decide to get to know Norb a little bit. It’s around dinnertime as we’re driving home, so we decide to stop off at a local restaurant that’s quickly become one of our favorite spots.

“So how long have you been on that shelf?” I ask the handsome conditioner after we put in our orders.

“Not too long,” the enormous sentient bottle informs me. “I’d say about a week. We’re a pretty successful brand, it goes pretty fast.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t on the shelf for very long either,” my wife chimes in longingly, gazing over at me with a powerful warmth behind her eyes. “Then this handsome guy over here came and swooped me up. That was… eight years ago now.”
 Norb smiles when he hears this. “You two seem very in love.”

“We are,” Rinby replies, then allows a slight smirk to cross her lips, “but that doesn’t mean we don’t like to have a little bit of fun every once in a while.”

Norb nods understandingly, his gaze slowly making its way over to the top of my head. I can tell he’s trying not to stare, but this is proving to be very difficult for the man.

“Damn, you really haven’t used conditioner before,” Norb observes, more of a statement than a question.

“Nope,” I reply.

“Why now?” the enormous bottle continues.

“I’ve got a big audition tomorrow, and it’s a very important part,” I explain. “I need to be meticulously clean cut for this character.”

“Shampoo and conditioner,” my wife chimes in.

Norb definitely understands the subtext of this conversation, nodding along with us.

As we continue to talk about my situation, I can’t help but find myself getting more and more turned on. I can feel my cock getting harder and harder as the arousal flows through me, suddenly realizing that this encounter is actually going to happen.

The most amazing part of it all, however, is the fact that my beautiful wife is right here with me, helping me out and being a meaningful part of this journey. There are plenty of other couples who wouldn’t even consider something like this, and that’s fine, but the fact that our open and loving nature has brought us down this path is actually something that I’m kind of proud of.

Glancing over at Rinby, I feel a powerful surge of love and appreciation.

Our food finally arrives and the three of us dive in, but the whole time all I can think about is what’s going to happen next.

The last thing I’m focused on right now is the big audition tomorrow.

The second we arrive home, the three of us head straight for the bathroom. I turn on the shower and immediately begin to strip down, tossing my clothes into a haphazard pile nearby. I barely wait until the water’s warm before stepping inside, the enormous shampoo and conditioner bottles following closely behind.

The next thing I know, the three of us are all pressed up against one another, a beautiful body on either side of me while I remain sandwiched in the middle. I’m achingly horny, but for the time being we remain focused on the task at hand.

First, it’s my wife’s turn.

Rinby pumps out a plentiful helping of liquid shampoo onto my hand, watching as I lather it up a bit and then get to work on my hair. I rub the pleasantly scented froth across my head, taking my time to really work it in as I clean myself off.

I’ve done this plenty of times before, obviously, but tonight feels extra special. I’m truly appreciating just how effective my wife is at keeping me clean, and at the amazing sensation of my scalp as she works her magic.

Eventually, I step forward into the heavy stream of water nearby and begin rising myself off, working my hands across my head until there’s not a single trace of the shampoo left.

Now it’s Norb’s turn.

I turn to face the enormous, handsome bottle, holding out my hand as he pumps in some liquid of his own. I’ve never touched conditioner before, but it feels almost identical to the shampoo I’m used to. The second I put it into my hair, however, I begin to notice a difference.

“That feels great,” I inform them.

I’m rubbing this new substance into my scalp now, taking note of the differences between this and my previous showers. Suddenly, however, I freeze.

Another set of hands joins me, Norb reaching out and taking the time to help me with a potent scalp massage. The sensation is incredible, and I immediately find myself at a loss for words as a long, satisfied groan escapes my lips.

“There you go,” Norb offers soothingly.

Eventually, I step into the water as Norb continues to massage me. Gradually, his attention begins to drift lower and lower, stopping briefly on my shoulders to work my muscles and then continuing onward.

Soon enough, the handsome shampoo bottle is reaching around and playfully teasing me, not yet grabbing onto my stiff cock, but hovering just above it as the tension builds.

My wife is watching this with a huge smile plastered across her face, clearly enjoying the show.

“You want him to touch you?” Rinby coos in my ear.

I nod excitedly.

“You really, really want that?” she continues, egging me on.

I nod again. “Please,” I groan. “I need it.”

Finally, Norb has mercy, wrapping his grip tightly around my shaft and then getting to work as he slowly beats me off.

The second this handsome conditioner bottle touches me I let out a startled gasp, not entirely prepared for the touch of another man. My wife and I have always been open to a little fun here and there, but this is much farther than either of us have previously been willing to take things. I can’t even remember the last time I was touched like this by a new set of hands.

Soon enough, my wife joins in, dropping down to her knees before me and gazing up excitedly. The beautiful shampoo bottle begins to playfully lick my balls while the man behind me continues to beat me off, the two of them working together as a potent sexual duo. Eventually, Rinby opens her mouth wide and takes my cock into her throat, the handsome conditioner bottle behind me continuing to grip the girth of my rod while my wife orally takes care of the head.

The sensation is incredible, and the excitement within me only continues to build after the two of them decide to switch places. Soon enough, my wife is standing up as our new conditioner lover takes his place before me, dropping down to his knees.

The enormous bottle opens up and takes my cock deep within his throat.

Norb immediately finds a rhythm as he pumps his head up and down across my length, starting slowly at first and then gradually gaining speed. All the while my shampoo wife is cradling my balls, whispering sweet nothings into my ear as she watches another man suck me off.

Soon enough, Norb takes things to the next level by pushing his head down as far as he possibly can across the length of my rod, swallowing me completely in a stunning deep throat. The conditioner bottle holds me here for a while, and in this glorious moment of oral acrobatics I can actually feel the head of my cock dipping into the liquid within him. We stay like this for what seems like forever until finally, Norb pulls away with a frantic gasp.

“Fuck yeah,” the conditioner offers happily.

“I want you inside me,” I groan, helping the bottle back to his feet. “I need you to pound me up the ass.”

I turn around and place my hands on the wall before me bracing myself as the warm water continues to pour across our nude forms. I playfully wiggle my ass from side to side, then reach back and give it a hard slap.

“What are you waiting for?” I coo, glancing back over my shoulder and offering a wink.

Norb confidently steps up behind me and aligns his massive cock with the entrance of my tightly puckered asshole. He pushes up against me, teasing the limits of my anal rim and then pulling back.

“Please,” I beg. “I need to be fucked!”
 Finally, the giant conditioner bottle has mercy and thrusts deep within, causing a startled groan to escape my lips in a long, aching cry. I’m diving into this head on, and now I’m not entirely sure I can handle everything that Norb has to offer, reeling from the sensation of his giant rod.

The giant bottle of conditioner is a patient and giving lover, however, and he takes his time with me. At first, he doesn’t move at all, just allowing my body to grow accustomed to his mighty girth. I feel absolutely stretched to my limits, but the longer we remain like this, relaxing in the warm water, the more my body starts to loosen up and give way to the sensations that are flooding through it. What began as a dull, aching pain begins to gradually transform into a wonderful fullness, and when Norb eventually begins to pump in and out of me, it only gets better from there.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck,” I start to repeat over and over again, the words falling out of my mouth in a steady mantra.

Soon enough, Norb has picked up speed, pumping deep into my butthole with a steady rhythm. Harder and harder he pounds, hitting my prostate just right as he angles his body in just the right way. Deep down in the pit of my stomach I can feel a warmth beginning to build, the sensations flooding across my form in a way that’s completely new.

Suddenly, my shampoo bottle wife appears before me, reaching down and grabbing ahold of my cock. Rinby pumps her hand across my shaft in time with the pounds up my asshole, the pleasure that surges through my frame now emanating from two distinct sources.

“The feels so fucking good,” I tell her. “Thank you, baby.”
 “No, thank you,” my wife replies with a smile.

Without another word, Rinby turns around and positions herself in front of me, now pressed up against the shower wall. She glances back at me mischievously, but doesn’t have to say a word. I know exactly what’s happening here.

Moment’s later I’m sliding deep into my wife’s pussy, watching as she braces herself against the shower wall and a long, drawn out groan escapes her throat. It takes a moment to figure out how to do this, but eventually all three of us fall into sync with one another.

While I fuck my wife, Norb continues to hammer me up the asshole, overwhelming my body with potent erotic sensation. Once we’re locked in, the feelings that flow back and forth between us are utterly surreal, a triangle of carnal electricity where every stop along the way only serves to charge up the next.

Soon enough, I can feel my wife beginning to quiver in a very specific and recognizable way. I keep my pace, carrying her closer and closer to the edge of orgasm until, finally, every muscle of her body pulls tight and holds.

“Oh my god! I’m cumming!” my wife screams out, her plastic form finally releasing in a cascade of spasms that rock her to the core.

The orgasm lasts for what seems like forever, until finally Rinby finishes and slips away, panting with exhaustion. She could easily climb out of the shower right then and there and I wouldn’t blame her, but it appears this climax has only made her potent lust blossom even more.

My wife turns around and throws her shampoo bottle arms around me, passionately kissing me while the conditioner behind me continues to hammer away at my asshole.

Deep down within the pit of my stomach I can feel an orgasm of my own starting to blossom, the ache to erupt flowing through my veins now and filling me up to the brim. Seconds later, Norb reaches around and begins to beat me off, his hand wrapped tightly around my swollen rod. My wife immediately joins him, and the next thing I know the two of them are stroking away with frantic excitement. They know that I’m close, and they just can’t wait to send me tumbling over the edge.

Suddenly, the climax hits me hard. I throw my head back and let out a wild howl of passion, completely lost in the moment as surge after surge of orgasm rips through my body. I nearly buckle at the knees but somehow manage to stay upright as my jizz splatters out onto the ground below.

Seizing the moment, my beautiful shampoo bottle wife drops down to her knees and catches as much as she can, swallowing gleefully.

Following suit, the conditioner bottle slamming up into my asshole suddenly pushes deep within and holds. Norb lets out a frantic cry of his own, and the next thing I know I can feel his cum pumping out inside me, filling me up to the brim with his conditioner spunk. I can feel his load building and building, and when the man finally pulls out a whole mess of conditioner spills behind, running down my legs as it’s washed away in the warm water.

My shampoo, my conditioner and me are all utterly satisfied, making out a bit longer as we clean ourselves off and step out of the shower. I glance in the mirror, taking note of just how lush and clean my hair looks.

“Whoa,” I blurt. “I really can tell the difference. Conditioner and shampoo are a hell of a combo.”

“You can say that again,” my wife coos, stepping up behind me and wrapping her arms around me.

For all of that build up, my audition goes about as well as they typically do, which isn’t to say it’s particularly good or bad. It just is.

After a few days, I actually forget it even happened.

Thankfully, I managed to get much more out of this whole thing than a new acting gig, and my showers haven’t been the same since.

I’m actually in the shower one morning with Norb and Rinby when the call comes in. While I’d normally just ignore it and check for messages later, something about the faint ringing catches my attention more than usual. I feel compelled to answer.

“I’ll be right back,” I tell the others, wrapping my towel around me and climbing out of the shower.

I stroll out into the living room, where I’d left my phone, and notice that the number calling me belongs to my agent.

Immediately, I answer. “Hello?”

“They want you,” he says. “You got the part!”