damianojeda

sadness - be happy

Added 2021-06-29 02:15:50 +0000 UTC

my inclusion towards a split album with the band "to be gentle". the beginning of this song (clean guitar intro) was an unused idea I recorded in 2015 (it says october 8 2015, but I feel like I remember recording that months before in april.. maybe I was wrong). I started building upon this song in october 2020 and I managed to completely track the entire instrumental side of this track RIGHT before I lost all my song sessions in february, so I was forced to work with a draft mp3 version of the instrumental and just place the vocals over it. this obviously leaves me little room to mix the song beyond what I have here, but at the same time it's basically black metal and it doesn't really matter if it sounds rough. I kind of like the way it sounds actually in a way, relating to the lyrical themes at least. it kind of sounds uncomfortably desperate, which is what went into the song in the first place. the lyrics are me pining for just simply being happy. "be happy" as in I'm trying to tell myself to be happy. I had spent over a year of my life being consistently and significantly unhappy and it was like those circumstances couldn't be escaped. eventually it adds up and I kind of was reduced to just begging something out there to let me just be happy, as if by some brute force I could just yell at myself to stop being miserable. in the lyrics i refer specifically to youthfulness and my younger years where I truly felt glimmering happiness in me everyday, and as much as I try and feel like I couldbe that way again the last two years of my life I was in a very unhappy situation and so on so forth long story many details I won't get into here. today is monday june 28 and I just finished recording what was left of the vocals, which the first half of were recorded in february. that's a long time for me to progress through life and change and enter new chapters, so right now that feeling I was feeling before is something of the past, my desires and emotional fixations and cathexis have centered around new things, which has slipped into what I projected into the vocals. I also couldn't help but throw in words that have nothing to do with the song originally, but also in a way sort of do, simply because I can't stop thinking about and crying about one thing in particular. think of the song "blue" and whatever that's about. anyway this is incoherent rambling at this point.

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spring day blue as youthful tears 2004

2015 a soft crystalline river, soft to touch, soft crying eyes and soft whimpering voice

alone in such a small place in such a big way

hoping for your sophia hand

i want to be mid 2000s spring day

of a delicate soft sun as burning as our perfect smiles

perfectly dreaming and playing in the grass

green as the coloring mind

bright as youthful feminine laughter

i want to be this happy

and be beyond time

beyond tolerance

and brimming in purity