2020-2021

Hey everyone. I wanted to send out an apology, and I wanted to give an explanation of what's been going on with me for the past year or two. It's been kinda weird, and bad. Bad weird, or, Badeird. But also things have been getting better. So I wanted to thank you, too.

I'm sorry I haven't been keeping up with things for the past year. I'm sorry for any stress I gave you, keeping you waiting, wondering if I'd get around to your picture soon. I'm sorry I haven't been more vocal about it. It's been a big point of shame for me. I was doing good for a while there! Staying on top of things every month. I felt like I was running at 120% for a while. Buuut then I burnt out hard. The stress of a pandemic in a world trying to deny all accountability on top of me trying my hardest just to make it is what it took to make me absolutely crash. And I crashed pretty hard. Without getting into details, I can just say that last year pushed me to my limit until there was nothing left.

I don't even remember what happened over several months from last year, but when I came out of the depressive spiral I realized I had only been focusing on my art for the past 5 years, maybe more. I had never taken any time to improve myself. When you're trapped at home with nothing but your thoughts, it's easy to start seeing your flaws, and I had a lot of them. I hadn't really done much for my health (especially mental health) for a long time. Anxiety, depression, and a general lack of focus had been plaguing me since high school and I never did anything about it. I decided this was the year I did something.

I started going to the doctor, and dentist. Started seeing a therapist. Started taking medication for my issues. Eating better. Brushing my teeth regularly. I even have a morning routine.

I have stomach issues, an anxiety disorder, occupational burnout, and ADHD which... I guess I always sorta knew but thought I'd just be strong enough on my own to deal with it. Well, I'm finally getting the help I've been needing for most of my life. The only problem is, I've been running on empty for so long that it's been taking all of my energy just to start doing these things. I've had just enough time, just enough money, and just enough mental capacity to take it one step at a time.

The important thing is, I CAN do these things. 

And its because of all of you.

And I'm so happy to have all of you, and to have this opportunity I've never had before.

So, sincerely, thank you for sticking with me. You've helped me a lot. And I want to pay you back for what you've given me.

-Gor, trying his best (art by DeeDee)