Pride spotlight - Branka

I always wanted to do something like this but each year I was too busy or too scared to share or talk about it in any capacity. Ive seen folks do art of their OC's identities and it looked like fun. I don't know if I can do ALL my OC's but I wanted to give it a shot with as many as I can.

So let's start with Branka!

I wanted to start with her because writing her helped me discover my own ace identity. Though it unfortunately was an experience rife with aphobia. In Branka's story, as a krogan female, sex was a means of work and not pleasure, and an individual's fertility determined their worth. I wanted to draw and write the conflict she went through coming to terms with her own inner worth as well as exploring the concept of sexuality without the pressure krogan women face.

A lot of writing partners didn't give me a chance, didn't respect mine or Branka's boundaries. Since it was Mass Effect, the big draw was the romances. So romancing plots were a big thing in the roleplaying community I joined. And there was nothing wrong with that, but when I wanted to try an idea it always got dismissed. Ive mentioned it before but Branka was remarked as being boring, a prude, or slow to romance because I didn't make her immediately desire someone. An old writing partner said their male character could "fix her" and it left a bad taste in my mouth.

So I would wonder "what was wrong with me?" Why couldn't I go along with these plots, why was I so hesitant? I never had that issue in past roleplaying spaces but than again this kind of pressure didn't happen either. So I started looking things up and came across information about asexuality and other orientations, and its like "oh wow this is making so much sense to me!" Learning about the a spectrum helped me get a better idea of how to approach Branka, and be alert of the aphobia I was starting to face.

When it came to myself I never really spoke about it with people, save for a small number of close friends. This might be the most I spoke about it in a public space. I used to try and have Branka talk about her feelings, using her as a way to channel things I felt, but in the roleplay scene she was dismissed or mocked ("shouldn't you be having babies or something?") so I took that as a sign to stay quiet. Responses to her fictional story of being on the a spectrum was so bad at times it gave me small panic attacks because what would happen if I spoke out?

And I still experience aphobia here or there, whether intentional or not. When there was a space that I thought was safe I'd follow the lead of others on how much to say about myself, but then I was excluded anyway. It was like everyone was given a platform to express themselves, but my own expressions or boundaries were somehow simultaneously too boring and too scandalous. Its frustrating, and infantilizing. I mean, even writing this I was trying to word it in a way so that it wouldn't offend someone; as if to say please don't be mad that I exist.

I'd like to say Branka is in a place Im satisfied with, but Im still figuring things out myself! She's been one of my favs with how she was an unexpected but helpful starting point for me, and if she can be happy, I know I can be too 👍