When it comes to starting sex or intimacy, which one sounds more like you?
Added 2025-09-04 14:36:13 +0000 UTC🅰️ I usually initiate.
🅱️ I wait for my partner to initiate.
🅾️ We take turns naturally.
❓ It’s complicated, we’re still figuring it out.
Initiation can carry a lot: desire, fear, rejection, power.
And it often says more about your relationship outside the bedroom than you think.
Vote below and if you’re up for it, share:
What makes initiating feel safe for you?
Or what holds you back?
Comments
My wife and I have been working with one of your coaches for the last few months (Julia) and it has had a noticeable difference in who initiates sex. My wife has become much more vocal about her desires and regularly initiates sex now.
Andrew Mailhes
2025-09-24 16:23:18 +0000 UTCWe have been married for almost 35 years. She had a great deal of trauma, both from a toxic narcissistic mother and sexual abuse from an Uncle. Not surprisingly, sex was very difficult for a LONG time. We also were living with toxic religious tapes that said that sex was her duty to "keep me happy as a man and to be an obedient wife". Not exactly a recipe for success. Long story short 25 years of an almost dry marriage. Then a blowout with our church made us step back and reevaluate what WE really believed. Fast forward to 4 years ago, and after a lot of therapy I "came out" to her about being submissive, and asked her to allow me to serve her both in and out of the bedroom. Let's just say that the safety of knowing that sex could be done when she wants, how she wants, and that I actually get OFF on her playfully denying me in the bedroom whenever she wants...total transformation. So yeah...to answer the question...usually I ask her a couple of hours before bedtime if she would like a gummy (oh yeah--part of feeling free to make our own decisions was discovering cannabis gummies...WOW!) , and if she says yes I give her one, quietly put down the sex blanket, get out the toys, and light the candles. When she comes to bed I usually put the blindfold on her, and then I take control from there. She gets as many orgasms as she wants, she'll decide if she wants to give me one, occasionally we have intercourse, and we go to sleep. If you told me 10 years ago we would be sexual 4 or 5 times a week I would have thought you were crazy. I GUESS that means she initiates? or at least she decides. But I see myself as the caretaker of our sex life.
Martin Wuesthoff
2025-09-15 14:48:08 +0000 UTCThanks so much for sharing with us!
Lovely Dutta
2025-09-05 13:50:26 +0000 UTC🅰️ I usually initiate. Our love-making is scheduled. So I usually know in advance. It's a priority for me. I don't get turned down; we just reschedule. :)
Lake Zup
2025-09-05 00:11:04 +0000 UTCThis is beautiful! Also sounds like classic responsive desire on her part. Great work both of you!!
Caitlin V
2025-09-04 21:04:31 +0000 UTCIt used to be that I would be the one to initiate, probably 9 times out of 10. I actually had a problem with that. I was afraid that she was just appeasing me. We talked about it. I told her that I was okay if she wasn't in the mood, and she said that she would try to initiate more. But she also stated that I was really good at getting her in the mood. Starting slow with spooning or cuddling, light petting, and kissing when we are in bed together almost always gets her motor running. The fact that we discussed it made me feel better. Over the past couple of years, I've been very focused on improving my performance in bed, from exercises to improve my stamina to learning what I can do to please my partner through experts like you. We have been more active, but I'm still the one who most often initiates. Our sleep schedules are very different. I go to bed around 9pm because I have to be up at 4:30 AM to hit the gym before work. She stays up late in the night working on editing and voice recording when the neighborhood is quiet and doesn't get to bed until 3 AM. So, unless I wake up when she comes to bed and give up my last hour of sleep (which I sometimes do) , our lovemaking is limited to the weekends. A couple of weeks ago, my wife went back to the Midwest to visit family for a week. I couldn't afford to take the time off, so I stayed home. When she got back on a Monday evening, it was past the time I usually go to bed, and I expected a hug and a kiss goodnight, as she would stay up to visit with our boys and do her work. But instead, she took me to bed. It was the first time since early in our marriage that she wanted to drop everything and jump into bed with me. It's one thing to know that I can turn her on, but it's a whole other thing to know that she craves being with me as much as she did when we were first married. I know that is an ego thing and comes second to the love that we have for each other. But it does make me feel good about myself.
Matthew O. Duncan
2025-09-04 17:11:28 +0000 UTC
