Notes for Episode 8: The River

Hey everyone! Hannah here, with a new benefit for $1 patrons. Every month, we keep a pretty robust set of notes going as we watch the show in question, and sometimes it's just not possible to cram every observation or joke from our notes into the episode without things feeling awkward or repetitive. But there's still a lot of fun stuff in what we write down, so I thought it'd be lovely so clean them up and share them with all our patrons. Sections might vary from episode to episode, but generally speaking they're going to look like this and be about this long. I've also attached a PDF of the notes in case that's easier for anyone to read. Hope you enjoy them!

PATREON NOTES: THE RIVER

• Notes on Format / Found Footage:
  • It’s so wild to contrast the trashiness that this demands with the glossy sheen of HD era network television. Could’ve been a generative tension, but wasn’t
  • Less than 3 minutes from start to “enough with the cameras”
  • Lot of bleeping and pixelating of disturbing footage
  • Having a traditional score also hurts the found footage atmosphere a lot
  • The confessionals that are specifically noted to have been recorded days before the footage they’re interspersing is an interesting choice
    • I like the clearly asynchronous audio aspect. I’m a sucker for that stuff. Let a character continue to monologue while they get a second close up
  • Episode 2 I had my first “so who is filming this and why” moment when Lincoln talks about his dad being kind of shitty
  • Worst lit nature documentary of all time in Episode 3. You’re outside, dude. I know outside doesn’t look like that
  • Episode 4 starts with not only a good visual gag (vines mysteriously return after being cut, the second the camera pans away and back) but one that gets what found footage is (you can do that effect for zero dollars)
  • Episode 5 ending with an “in memory of” card for the ghost dad is delightfully tasteless. This show needs more of that energy
    • Honestly, this show’s refusal to leverage its format makes me think of Ti West’s The Sacrament! NOT a flattering comparison, is it
  • When it comes to the anti-ghost action scenes… be for fucking real
    • Like I get they’re on a TV budget. But you’re telling me that Oren Peli needs bills now? Oren Peli? He can’t film something scary for cheap?

• Notes on Plot / Structure:
  • Jumping straight to a creaturous freak in Episode 1! Pretty effective scene but also really transparently “guys we gotta do the smoke monster again, that’s what other Lostalikes have been missing”
    • This note turned out to be inaccurate, we assumed the episode 1 monster would be a much larger deal than it actually was. In truth, they ended up doing “smoke monster of the week” plots
  • Oh man they are so doing videogame quests as of Episode 2. They are so wishing they have a waypoint marker. It’s a circle and then the bottom is a triangle, and above it it says “5m”
  • Is that how they’re gonna make this a TV show? Every episode there’s a new ghost that gets mad at them and they have to figure out how to apologize?
  • The monkey wearing a doll mask in Episode 2 was a delight. Just put creepy incongruous stuff on camera, it’s not so hard
  • Esther: How many FUCKING guardians does this forest have??
    • Hannah: I have a feeling it’s gonna be one per episode
  • This really really did not want to be a TV show. Born too early to be a pretty good streaming moving, born too late to be a prime time limited event LIKE STEPHEN KING’S ROSE RED THAT’S RIGHT HANNAH’S MENTIONING IT AGAIN
  • You really can’t structure an episode around the tension of this character goes blind… then this one goes blind… then this one goes blind. That’s not a tension
    • If it’s one character getting worse maybe it’s something that just fucks a side character for the rest of the show. Here, obviously this is just The Blindness Episode and they’re all gonna be fine
  • Eventually the sense of conflict and pace in Episode 3 just grinds to a halt and every time you look up someone else is writhing. I’m not here for writhing
  • The episodic soft resets are so funny. Multiple characters tried to kill themselves in Episodes 3 and 4 and now they’re just chilling as of Episode 5
  • Another important thing about found footage is limited perspective. Obviously audiences can see things coming but if three characters have already been captured you can’t get a good found footage tension out of a fourth character walking into a situation where he might get captured

• Character / Performance Stuff:
  • I gotta say from the jump bootleg Amy Brenneman is not doing it for me
  • Mason Verger is great though. Great type of guy… the overachieving failson
  • Really funny that they were doing parasocial relationships on the fake Steve Irwin show. All the clips of The Undiscovered Country are just Bruce Greenwood looking into the camera and saying “I hope you’ll be part of my family, to whom I’m not distant and unapproachable in real life”
  • Sorry that’s the resolution of Episode 3? AJ, the guy who’s afraid of caves, has to go in a cave? You brought us to THAT?
  • The mom is the captain of the boat?? THAT wasn’t clear before!
  • What does the mercenary guy do. What does he secure
    • Throughout the whole run of the show, he ended up securing nothing
  • Lena’s thing in Episode 5 of “it’s really awkward to be on here to rescue a family member that everyone else keeps forgetting exists” is good. I miss Jaume’s version of Lincoln but she’s still a good character when she gets something to do
  • I could tell you about the slightly different ways in which every Flashforward character is an asshole but these characters are just NOTHING. Like zero impression from almost any of them over halfway through
  • The shot of Tess watching Katie Featherston rabidly flirt with Emmet is funny. It rules that that’s why they bring Katie into the show
  • It would’ve been really easy to make Episode 6 just be Bruce Greenwood Gets 5% More Crazy Every Scene but the way they handle it is actually really good. There’s a lot of vulnerability and regret all over
  • “Every time we’ve seen a dragonfly it feels like we’ve been getting closer to finding dad” C’mon, man. Faith in Lostalike audiences at an all-time low
  • Kurt to AJ: “I never liked you, always talking” Was THAT his trait??
  • “So how was my funeral?” legit great line, great performance, Bruce Greenwood in this show is like those clips of KD swatting an 11 year old

• Cute Things We Said While Watching Episodes:
  • Layers of footage… which means layers of FEAR!
  • “Physics breaks down” is my personal cellar door
  • The Undiscovered Country with J. Cole. Your father disappeared in the Amazon shooting a music video. We found some footage and it’s disturbing… the whole time he’s weirdly patronizing toward women and he makes a lot of corny puns
  • Doesn’t sit right with me that they’re on land. The show’s called The River, no?
  • The gun POV shot lmao. Shades of the video where a guy sings “you can suck my d you can suck my d” on his dashcam before shooting up his own car
  • In Episode 4 they’re gonna go to a place they’ve never been before. Where there’s no Hulkamaniacs. And it’s not hot
  • This acoustic guitar accordion song is so 2012
    • Why is there an accordion on the boat. Every episode there should be something else added to the boat that shouldn’t be there. In Episode 5 it becomes clear they have an Xbox 360
  • Exploring abandoned Facilities is an easy win for found footage. It’s like a pro wrestler talking about how great it feels to be in PITTSBURGH tonight
    • If I’m in an abandoned Facility capturing Footage and I find a piano, you better believe i’m playing one high note
  • How come all the CGI bugs. How come that’s your move. Your use of CGI bugs is like when LeBron looks at a basketball like “wh-what is this… in my hand… what do I behold…” before shooting a midrange
  • I love to say shit like “I don’t think it’s over” an episode before cancellation
  • This row row row your boat shit in Episode 8 is deeply embarrassing. You can’t just shrug and have a demon sing a nursery rhyme menacingly, that’s quitting
  • The Boiuna is the god of all demons apparently is what they’re saying
    • All the lore on show is some shit BuiltByGamers would say
    • “Wait, so how do they bring him back?” “That’s the thing. The Boiuna isn’t just a spirit, but even the god of all demons”