#937 Trying an Isekai Diet

At last, the hot-blooded adventurers have gone home, and peace has returned to our farm.

The party-like buzz is nice and all, but I find myself yearning for the calm of daily life after everything’s been topsy-turvy. It’s weird.

This year, too, the golden grains have ripened, and winter is nigh.

Amidst this, my wife Platy dropped a bombshell.

“...Dear, have you gained weight?”

...

Huh?

No, no, no, no, no…!

That can’t...That can’t possibly be!

Don’t you know who I am?!

I’m a farmer, you know? A farmer!

I’m out in the fields from dawn, swinging a hoe, slashing with a scythe, using my body till dusk.

Desk jobs can’t hold a candle to my calorie burn!

There’s no way...I could have gained any extra flab!

“But look…”

Oof!

Platy? I know we’re married, but you can’t just roll up my jacket like that in broad daylight!

Blop.

?! What is this squishiness?

“Dear, I can grab your belly fat… vertically.”

That’s ridiculous!

A laborer like me getting pudgy?

That can’t be right!!!

“But, Dear, you are getting on in years, aren’t you? Maybe with age, you’re just getting easier to plump up?”

A double whammy!

To think age would bring buddies, and they’d be fat!

I’ve heard that metabolism slows as one gets older, making it easier to gain weight…

Me, succumbing to middle-age weight gain?

I thought I’d be fine as long as I worked hard...!

“Sure, you exercise more than the average bureaucrat, but the body gets used to repetitive movements, so you end up using the least amount of energy possible. That’s why you might be tipping from break-even to surplus.”

Whaaaaaaaaaaat?!

Sure, my eldest, Junior, just turned five, and my younger, Norito, might start talking soon.

There’s even talk of a third child with Platy.

As our kids grow, so do I, but in my case, it’s aging rather than growing.

“You can’t stay young forever…!”

No, even if this body ages, it’s not impossible to keep some youthful vigor.

I must stay healthy for the kids.

First step, I need to maintain a proper weight!

Excess fat is the root of all illness!

And if there’s only one brilliant way to shed the unwanted pounds, it is…

“Dieting!!!”

Who would have thought that one day I’d have to do what I once did against the Demon King...

Incidentally, the Demon King managed to slim down from a bit chubby years ago but has since returned to a fuller figure.

It’s all because he won’t quit mayonnaise.

Even his face has rounded out.

And while one could say he looks more distinguished, there’s no need for a fierce wartime expression when peace reigns. Maybe a plump, jovial Ebisu-like face suits a king…

No wait.

Ahem. I’m getting sidetracked.

I’m in a different boat from the Demon King, so I can’t afford to worry or hesitate about shedding this fat!

“Alllll right, let’s do this!”

I’ll totally clean-slate this fat!

“Oh? What’s this, Master? A grand diet battle?”

“Ah!”

Suddenly, a figure sneaks up behind…

Veil?

“This brings me back. Was it a century ago when I slimmed down that Demon King in a grand battle? Good times.”

No, it hasn’t even been a hundred years.

It was, at most, two or three years ago.

Dragons and Lifeless Kings always play fast and loose with time.

“Crossing time, now it’s a grand diet battle with Master, huh? I’m getting excited! Oh! I know! I’ll call that winged woman! We need my ramen and her natto for a proper diet battle!”

“Wait, wait, wait!”

I hurriedly try to pull Veil back.

Let me explain! The term “diet battle” has become distorted as it crossed into another world, turning into something utterly different.

In a dragon & angel tag team, engaging in repeated bouts of eating ramen and natto, one would die before slimming down, which turned out to be a chaotic and hilarious ordeal.

Yet, if the precedent set by the Demon King worked, who am I to argue?

But alas, I’m just an otherworldly farmer.

The Demon King, a prime candidate for the strongest being alive, endured that ordeal, but if I tried, I’d be dead meat in seconds.

So, with all due respect, I politely declined.

Instead, I really need to find a safe and sure way to slim down.

And what better place to start than the belly?

The belly fat.

It’s the most noticeable and plentiful, after all.

And if it’s belly fat I’m tackling, then it’s crunches to the rescue! An ancient and revered form of muscle training!

All right, three thousand crunches a day, and I’ll carve out those abs!

“One, two, three, four, five, six...!”

...Ugh.

This isn’t a movement I’m used to, and boy, do my muscles feel like they’re seizing up.

Now my back’s starting to hurt, too.

Maybe I’ll stop there.

Fifteen crunches and time for a break!

“The path to a six-pack is long and winding...!”

And it’s not great to only work on the stomach.

The whole body needs attention, after all.

So, I switch it up with push-ups and squats...

But, if I want to shed weight, aerobic exercise is key, I’ve heard.

Anaerobic boosts muscle, but aerobic burns the fat.

The quintessential aerobic exercise... Jogging!

It burns fat with persistent effort!

Okay! Time to joyfully sprint around the farm!

It’s blast-off at the farm with me leading the charge.

Tatatatatatatatatata...

While jogging, I naturally end up in the middle of the farm...

I feel like I’m being watched.

And not just fleetingly.

There’s a horse sticking close behind me, following my every move.

His name is Sakamoto, a dragon horse. He’s a homunculus horse created specifically to be my mount.

— “Running? You running?”

—“Wouldn’t you go faster if you rode me?”

— ”Come on, wouldn’t you go faster on my back, hmm?”

I feel like he’s trying to communicate with his gaze.

But no, this jogging is meant to be my workout; riding him would defeat the purpose, right?

If it comes to moving fast, that’s Sakamoto’s domain, so ignoring him seems almost like I’m stealing his job.

Truth be told, I’ve been riding him for most of my travels anyway.

Could that be why I’ve put on weight?

But continuing to run with Sakamoto, who gives me those looks, feels almost unhealthy in a different way.

So much noise on this farm!

Maybe I should hit a gym...

Wait, that’s right! There are no gyms in this other world!

In that case...That’s it!!!

***

It took about an hour, but I did it!

I’ve invented the other-worldly treadmill!

A human-sized wheel is set up to spin as I run inside it.

The more I run, the more it turns, letting me run in place effectively!

Sakamoto watches me run inside the wheel and then goes back to grazing, probably thinking, “So we’re not going anywhere after all.”

This way, I can get my aerobic workout without anyone looking weirdly at me!

...And then it hits me.

I’ve essentially turned myself into a hamster, haven’t I?