Old memories are hurting right now, and you can't quite see a way out of it. Though most of your cups have fallen, there is still hope remaining! There is a path to better things on the horizon - one just has to find it.
Xerxes is a character who looks cheerful on the outside but secretly has many regrets and points of past hurtful memories. He fled the Sect without Ravi (as he had no choice, but still), to Ravi it seems like he chose Osric over him (since he could not just leave him to go back and risk getting caught in the Sect), and even his troubled childhood and adolescence in which he was named Vessel of Strato behind closed doors brings him shame. Fortunately, he is loved by many, and he has learned to love himself as well.