If you know, you know.
Nick has to stop the evil ambassador to Kazakhstan before he kills again! Or, presumably, another person. Maybe it's someone else, you never know. I mean, it'd be weird for me to just say who did it right here in the description. Kind of a spoiler, you know? Oh shit, forget I said all of this!!
2025-03-07 23:03:49 +0000 UTC View PostOur most overtly copaganda episode yet! Nick and Schanke must not only deal with escalating gang tensions, but also wacky hollywood libs who don't back the blue! Cops don't just shoot people you know, sometimes they also cover up other cops shooting people. It's hard work!!!
2025-03-06 23:53:12 +0000 UTC View PostAt this point I'm not even sorry. I have extremely poor time management skills, and that's just how the good lord made me. I set the tenor of this project ambitiously, and it was always gonna be 50/50 to see if I was gonna stick to a schedule reliably. I tried to get ahead, but then I had to write a summary for an episode I definitely watched, but do not remember anything but the last two minutes of.
Rest assured, I take my duties to this dumb show nobody but me cares about extre...
What amount of money would you be willing to bet that Forever Knight handles an episode centered around the Vietnam-American war poorly? Well it's a fool's errand, because against all reason, against all common sense, they somehow make a pretty good episode out of it?
Our most based and LaCroix pilled episode to date! Nick tries to protect the son of a mafia don trying to escape DA LIFE, while LaCroix tries to do whatever the opposite of that is.
Also, presented without comment, some things Premiere Pro thought I meant when I said "LaCroix":
LaCour
Well What
Le Choir
Look What
Le Choix
Macguire
Luka
Le CLOS
La Clause
Liquid
Look
Requires
A Club
The Car
Le qua 2025-02-27 21:19:22 +0000 UTC View Post
Uh-oh! Natalie's god-daughter got totally killiified! Womp womp! Now she's gotta go through a whole crisis about whether the justice system is capable of holding people accountable. Not so nice when the shoe is on the other foot, huh Natalie? You can't just yell at Nick for having a crisis on conscience this time, you gotta do it yourself! Let's see how you like it!!!!
2025-02-26 22:16:37 +0000 UTC View Post
Oh boy, Knight has really done it this time! He's effed up in a major way! He got drawn in by the honeyed words of the dastardly cult known as Luminology, who use the power of the sun to something something help you. The sun? But Sun is bad for vampires! Nick, what are you thinking man? You're in major trouble now! Dude! Come on dude. Like, for real.
2025-02-25 21:34:44 +0000 UTC View Post
Oh boy howdy, this one is an absolute banger folks! It is a travesty of the highest order that the guest star in today's episode would never reappear. This one goes places!
2025-02-24 20:38:42 +0000 UTC View Post
Can Nick protect this lady you've never heard of from being executed for a murder she may not have committed?
There is, of course, no death penalty in Canada so this episode contrives a reason why Nick might have to investigate a murder which took place in Texas, half a continent away.
Does Texas not have it's own homicide detectives? Are any of them vampires? What's it like being a vampire in Texas? Obviously it's a big state, and there's a difference between being a vampire in...
That's rude! You shouldn't be doing that, we should be cherishing the elderly, listening to their stories, eating their hard candies.
Nick's old pal Katherine is in trouble! I bet you're invested already because of the deep, emotional connection you feel to everyone's favourite Forever Knight character, Katherine Barrington. Well rest easy, Nick is on the case!!
What if we took our heady vampire melodrama, and for one episode and one episode only made it into a goofy action movie?
To answer your question, Nick fights Jack the Ripper in this one. That is not an analogy I'm making, that's what happened. Watch if you don't believe me.
Have you ever imagined what it would be like if Nick met famous vampire author Anne Rice? Well congratulations I guess, you're qualified to be a writer on Forever Knight. Too bad the show stopped airing 30 years ago.
2025-02-16 18:02:45 +0000 UTC View Post
I want to make it clear that I don't decide what happens on each episode of Forever Knight. If I did, I would not have chosen the things happening in this episode. I think, and you'll likely agree when you see it, that it is #problematic. OH BOY! I bet you're looking forward to me on my high horse now!!
2025-02-15 19:24:30 +0000 UTC View Post
I got you something, it's not much, but I hope you like it...
What better gift than something I owed you a month and a half ago?
WELCOME TO THE FOREVER KNIGHT-A-THON, SEASON 2!!!
That's right bay-bee! We're doing this shit again! Hahahaha! You thought I wouldn't? Just because I failed to communicate that I would?! NEVER DOUBT ME AGAIN!!
2025-02-14 19:12:35 +0000 UTC View Post
Some of you still don't get it, you can use multiple slurp juices on a single ape, and you can use hear multiple As to a roughly similar amount of Qs in this video.
You might be asking yourself- NO. Stop. Do not ask yourself, let me do it. There are no more questions. This is it. The moment you've been waiting for. Learn such thrilling facts about me as "Which cartoon characters frightened you as a lad?" and "Have you seen Terrorision?"
All this and more!!!
2024-09-27 19:21:41 +0000 UTC View Post
Ho ho,
You think I'm above posting a video at 10:30 PM on a Saturday night just so TECHNICALLY I uploaded something in August? Well once again you've thought too highly of me! SHAME ON YOU.
Today we're looking at Dellamorte Dellamore (also known as Cemetery Man for people with no poetry in their souls.) I could not explain why, but this is just one of those movies that people constantly request. Who am I to deny the people what they ask for? ANSWER: I'll do what I fucking pl...
2024-09-01 02:29:05 +0000 UTC View PostLook, there's not a lot to say! I didn't make a video this month! I only made ONE last month. I'm not letting you pay me for that! What kind of message does that send? That I can just NOT make videos and paid? Phooey! To heck with that I say!!
I could have asked if you'd let me get away with that, but I know you, I know you my beloved patrons, you'd let me. You'd say it's fine, and coddle me like onto a weak little baby! Well I'm not a baby! I'm a toddler at least!! I don't intend to ta...
2024-07-31 21:56:17 +0000 UTC View Post
You can all stop asking! For years all anyone has said to me is "When will you finally talk about the movie Goke Body Snatcher from Hell (1968)?" When will you discuss that movie, at length, and unpack it's bleak, hopeless worldview?
I assume anyway. I don't really listen to people when they talk, I mostly just wait for my turn so I can say something witty. Bazinga!
Whatever, here's a video about that. That movie I was talking about. It's called Goke Body Snatcher from Hel...
WHAT HAVE YOU WROUGHT!
You have done this! You have nobody to blame but yourselves, and also me and the various fiction characters who help me run this channel. Anyway, it's not even a big deal, don't worry, it's just a review of Destroy All Neighbors.
Personally I would never destroy my neighbors. I know the pain of losing neighbors, because back in the 90s mine were eaten by zombies. I meant to make that joke in the video but I forgot so I'm using it here. There, it's not wasted. ...
2024-04-11 23:04:12 +0000 UTC View Post
I have recovered my mind and spirit from the dark energies of Forever Knight, now it falls to you dear patrons to direct my abyssal gaze! Which of these do you want to see me talk about next? Which excites you? Point me at it, turn me loose, I will consume it for you and make its power my own!
It's been such a whirlwind, taking you with me on this journey through a TV show I liked when I was 9. There were those among you who thought this would be a foolish endeavour, and I hope you have learned to be gracious in victory.
What a ride it has been! We've been through so much together! So many wigs! So many times Schanke got horny about something he should not have been horny about! So many dubious bits of medical guesswork from Natalie! So many times unreasonable requests gi...
2024-01-29 21:57:10 +0000 UTC View Post
Stonetree is sad that he had to kill somebody, and so is Nick. Turns out in both cases it was fine, so I guess it's really kinda up in the air whether it is good or bad to kill people, huh? Seems kinda like maybe you're fine to do it.
In this one, our intrepid hero has to fix the mistakes of his past by... by killing the same innocent woman he killed hundreds of years prior. Only then will he know peace.
Nick's cutaway gags emerge at the worst possible time, making him incapable of saving Natalie and the rest of his friends when a gunman takes the precinct hostage. He could just, like, hypnotize him in two seconds, but he's too busy remembering a thing that happened a few years earlier. We're all dead.
2024-01-27 18:52:45 +0000 UTC View Post
In this episode, Nick (and Sailor Moon) have to stop the dastardly plans of a conventionally beautiful withered old crone, in her plot to use the science of vampirism to eliminate all milfs.
2024-01-26 23:14:08 +0000 UTC View Post
18 episodes in, and Forever Knight finally revisits the concept of Nick's blood drinking being an addiction in the most half-assed kind of way. Carrie Ann Moss guest stars.
2024-01-25 20:06:52 +0000 UTC View Post
If I asked you to come up with the worst possible pitch for an episode of Forever Knight, just utter dogshit, what would you return to me with? Don't over think it.
That's right! You'd say "Nick is being followed by a documentary crew filming an episode of cops!" Good job! You nailed it! I'm so proud of you. And that's what this episode is about, WAIT COME BACK it's a good episode I swear, where are you going?
Natalie Lambert is a woman who knows what she likes, and what she likes apparently is dudes who kill people. Her latest fling kills people in the wrong, bad way, and it's up to her heroic murder boyfriend to save her.
Also, how did these two crazy cats meet each other in this mixed up world? We're gonna find out!!
Taking a break today, Forever Knight videos will continue tomorrow. as long as we get the season done in january, I'm considering it a win.
OK thanks BYEE-EEE
Whoops! Looks like I jumped the gun a little. A few episodes I facetiously made a joke about Nick appearing before the House Un-American Activities Committee, and uh....
Well in this one he actually does. He's accused of being a secret communist, which is ridiculous because actually he's a cop.
Many people have been saying, "Sure, Forever Knight might be a good show, but it's far too scrutable."
Well don't worry, here comes episode 14 to just... just confuse the ever loving tits out of you. In this one they just kinda threw some stuff at the wall to see what stuck. Turns out, none of it stuck. In this analogy, they made a bad spaghetti.
Does that make this a bad episode? Well that depends. In terms of story structure, sure. In terms of entertainment value? You'll have to ...