regularfeatures

139: Urinals Against Humanity

There's a bit in this episode where we fold ourselves through a couple of the higher dimensions of irony, sarcasm and self-awareness to form an obscene podcast tesseract in which it could be mistakenly conceived that we are being hugely offensive for no reason. I believe, however, that we're attempting to make a larger point about the feckless deployment of offensive language as a substitute for thoughtful comedy. We also explore the commuting of an author's moral responsibility to an unwitting ...

138: Richard Burton's Urban Shit Farm

137: The Regular Features Poetry Hour

We did poems because we can do anything if we just put our minds to it.

136: City of Grapefruit Arsehole Love

Matt's been on holiday like a big lar-dee-dar, Steve is adamant that he isn't there, Gavin seems keen to offend everyone, and Log is talking about his bumhole again. Congratulations, you are listening to Regular Features. Also we love you hello kissy kissy nice time

Who framed Roger...Rabbits? Or the Liberal Agenda?

I know you think we forgot to post the podcast but it was actually with our legal intern, Denise, who took fucking ages giving it the thumbs up. To make up for this horrid situation, we've decided to give you this podcast for free. Fans of the Roger Helmer newsletter saga will be happy because it's basically a megamix of all the best bits chucked together. LoL (lots of love NOT laugh out loud) Regular Features xxx

135: Do Androids Dream of Electric Dicks?

Enjoy some post-live-show funk as Gav tries to work out if Matt & Steve are a bunch of replicunts.

Regular Features LIVE at the Canal Cafe Theatre

Here's an early peek at the video from last night's live show! Enjoy, you LOVELY PATRONS, YOU.

133: Piss-soaked Eggs of the 1970s

Matt has problems with his bladder, Steve invited the team to embrace his eggs with both hands, and Log gets everyone up to speed on everything that happened in the 1970s.

CLICK HERE to support 13 Dates with Gav

As promised in previous episodes, if you're coming to the live show this week then you can give some cash to charity and have a pre-show date with Gav. GET ON IT. https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/13-dates-with-gav

132: The 4,400 Bad Horse Reviews

In this episode of Regular Features, Log reacts professionally to a bad review of his pub on TripAdvisor by reading the review out in a silly voice, Steve has some good ideas for new science fiction drama television show, and Matt has a go at being Gav by abusing a stranger over text message.

131: Killer Tom From The Ghost Dimension

It's been a bad day, please don't take a picture. Please, it's my last picture. It's the only remaining picture I have of my dead wife. Please, man who is repossessing my home because I am depressed and out of work, do not take this picture of my dead wife. It is worth nothing to you. What's that? Did this unassuming podcast description just unlock a cool and original new way of interpreting the lyrics to the song 'Bad Day' by REM? Yeah it did, you better believe it booyyyy. This episode has J...

130: Spiders, Scripts & Fancy Tangents

Gav's got the cure for arachnophobia, Log finds a sitcom he wrote when he was 16 and Steve brings in another guest who manages to outshine us all.

129: The Big Gay Experiment

Hey guys. You like it gay, don't you? How gay do you like it? THIS gay? Oho. Not gay enough for ya? Well... how about THIS gay? Yeah, now you're talking. Let me just adjust the nozzle settings and we'll get started. Hmm. Is the nozzle supposed to just come off like that? I can't turn it off. Can someone give Katherine from Logistics a ring?

128: Sonic and the Infinite Wall of Arseholes

Matt's done it again you guys, now you'll never get to hear about drugs and Hitler. THANKS MATT. YEAH. THANKS. (I'm actually Matt it's me writing this description, I just wanted to do my bit for trying to appear self-aware whilst also writing about myself in the third person. Listen, it's complicated. To be perfectly honest I don't know what I'm doing.)

127: Awkward Eyes With The Skrebel MC by Regular Features

After one failed feature, Steve talks about a traumatic injury to his gigantic eyeballs. Gav recalls a traumatic injury to a social situation, caused by his own behaviour, and Joe Skrebels causes traumatic injuries to Regular Features, by showing us all up for the low-effort amateurs we are. BONUS FUN!!!

126: The Big Book of Liver and Chianti by Regular Features

Don't stop til you get enough, sang Michael Jackson. Enough is enough, sang Barbra Streisand. The world is not enough, sang Shirley Manson out of the band Garbage. Enough is as good as a feast, is a thing your mum might say. Un oeuf is French for "a egg". The point I'm trying to make is that it's episode 126 of Regular Features and nothing you can say or do will ever change that. Log doles out gifts, Matt sets Gav up on simul-dates and Steve does that thing where you repeat the same joke over a...

125: Sex With 20,000 Onions

Matt solves Log's catering problems, and Log populates every Patron's sexual kiss fantasia.

123: Purple Prozzie Scum Bus

Remember episode 123? What a classic! Well, we (Gav) forgot to put it on Patreon so you almost got it for free. Why didn't any of you tell us?! Trying to get our podcast for free is it? We've got our eyes on you...

124: Date-a-Hipster Death Street

Gav wants to date a hipster and Steve's gone Corrie mad. This one's for you, Deirdre.

122: Trigger Trap a Corrie Napper

Why yes that IS the best title we've had in ages. In this episode of the podcast, Log asks: "are you napping too much?", Matt wonders: "have I triggered all of my sleeper agents of 2014?", while Steve queries: "what happens at the tops of stairs in Coronation Street?" All of those questions are answered and more in this very hungry and sort of sad sounding episode.

121: New Year's Day Emergency Clip Show

A series of unfortunate events (starting with us putting Gav on editing duties for New Year's Day) has resulted in us losing this week's episode to some gremlins. So this week, Gav's whacked together some of our favourite bits from the last year into one file for you. Normal podcasting services will resume next week.

120: A Crambus Miracle

Welcome to this very special episode of Regular Features, in which Matt discovers the true meaning of Christmas, Steve discovers the true meaning of Christmas and as for Log, well, you'll just have to wait and find out! (He discovers the true meaning of Christmas). In fact, all o dem boys be learnin bout Christmas, and now YOU CAN TOO. Merry Christmas from Team Features!

119: Michael Barrymore's Magician Redux

Gav brings up a magician from the past, Steve has dire warnings from his driving instructor, and guest Joe provides a "choose your own god" adventure quiz thing.

118: Proper Moist Comet

Hey there ding-dongs! It's podcast time. What time is it? I just told you it's podcast time. Jesus don't you ever listen to anything I say? Steve recounts the final hours of two robotic friends in space, Matt helps out a fellow comic in need, and Gav gets into an argument about how many letters are in a word.

117: Lazy Compilation Special 2

Lovely Patrons, whom we loooove, this is a FREE compilation episode for you as we've had to scrap a proper episode due to a technical flitzch. Thank you for your support. LOVE YOU. OKAY. -- Sad news folks. Owing to an unavoidable technical glitch that made us all sound like dirty robots we've had to humanely destroy the *real* episode 117, so instead here's a collection of classic features from the archives. From episode 36, Gav's story about a slurry pervert. From episode 45, Steve and Log's...

116: The Jurassic ECG Taxi Tirade

Matt fails to understand the science behind medical technology and tries to replace it with half-baked whimsy, Steve and Gav have an argument about the Jurassic World trailer that sort of stems from nowhere and doesn't initially appear to be a proper feature, and Log pretends to be angry in the back of a taxi - ALL IN SEQUENCE FOR YOUR EAR-BASED PLEASURE.

115: Let's Go To The Phones

Lift up your jumper and slap your belly to the beat of the rhythm of heart of the night, because it's a one-off voicemail special that's all about YOU. That's right! YOU, the READER, are the star of the show as we read out the voicemail messages you left on our website not seven months ago. Did you think we'd forgotten about that? Hah, no way! Have some faith, we're beginning to think you doubting Jennies don't deserve our magical one-off voicemail specials.

114: The Fast And The Failurious

What do Log and Steve both have in common with the friendly and hard-working bee? Well, just like the bee, both Steve and Log cannot drive a car to any sort of standard that the law would term "basically competent". Also like a bee, Steve and Log can only sting you once before dying. :( In this motoring special, Steve recounts the story of how he failed his first driving test, while Log presents a revealing exposé of the special class for murderous speed freaks he was required to attend in ord...

113: The GameCity 2014 Live Show

"Who wants a Ding Dong?!" Haha! Classic Regular Features. But if you don't know what a Ding Dong is or who's offering you one or whether you want one, then you probably missed our GameCity live show last weekend. Luckily for YOU, we have recorded it on 2D soundribbon, ready to be barked back into a three dimensional noisewave by the speaker system of your choice. What happened? Well, Log reunited the readers with some obscene and long lost friends, Steve cleared up precisely what happened when...

112: An Indecent Chain Reaction

In this episode of the podcast that is called Regular Features, Steve fleshes out the Wikipedia entry for Chain Reaction, while Gav tells the story of a man whose flesh is out in Wales. Which one results in an anti-social behaviour order? You'll have to listen to find out! Log and Matt also contribute, heroically. SECRET BIT FOR PATRONS: Hey! We've got nothing to say to you this week, except that you are nice. Are you coming to our live show on Saturday in Nottingham? Come say hello to us! I...