372 Pages We ll Never Get Back

372 Sample Mini - Johnny Jenkins "I Walk On Guilded Splinters"

Conor here. Mike seems to have so much fun with his Classical Minis, that I wanted to try my hand. So please join me for a journey through the history of one of the most famous samples in hip-hop history, the drums from Johnny Jenkins "I Walk On Guilded Splinters", a fairly obscure cover of a fairly obscure song that was given new life when rappers discover that its drums kicked ass. Contains some early 90s ra...

Conor stands in for Every Human Alive

That is "in understandably not getting" and "not appreciating" this """joke"""
So here's the explanation and in real time, Conor's reaction.

Conor's Next Vacation?!

I came across this in the wild very shortly after once again talking about Conor's favorite comedian and enthusiast of the word "alright."

https://www.capturepics.com/3d-model/mark-twain-house-hartford-connecticut/skinned/

372 Pages #116 - Antigua Ep 3 - Holograms

You know how when a friend says, "You have to see this video!" and then thrusts his phone in your face and stands awkwardly watching your expression as you watch a video of a guy shooting a Roman candle into his dad's crotch and you have to pretend to think it's funny? Well, we insist you read this book. Here - here's the book, read it and we'll sit here and look at you while you do. 

Seriously, it's that bananas.

This episode may be on the long side but spe...

Antigua Flags

Loyal Jackal Stephen writes in:

"So I'm not a cartographer but could be an amateur vexillologist I guess. At any rate here is my attempt at creating flags for the kingdoms/cultures of Antigua. Some are better than others..."

Sword hands octopus may have to go on a t-shirt... Check out the full gallery here and we'll be back with a new episode tomorrow!

An EXTREMELY special Bonus Antigua Real or FanFic

Once in a great while, we are privileged to behold someone at the height of their athletic powers, transcending greatness to achieve the sublime. Whether it be the magical run that was the NBA's Linsanity, the undefeated '72 Dolphins, or the great McGwire/Sosa home run chase (minus all the injections in their asses), we still speak reverently of these displays of prowess. 

I didn't expect that, when I proposed a bonus Antigua Real or Fanfic to Mike this morning, that I would be abo...

372 Pages #115 - Antigua Ep 2 - Timothy!

A jam-packed episode for which we will not apologize: there are roughly 8300 characters mentioned in this reading alone. And we barely touch on the Great Wizard Agnessa!

We've got fairies, fairiettes, pixies, mini-wads, Wizard Apprentices, retiring Wizards, sorceresses, man-sized spiders, holograms, spinning hats and... komodo dragons! And the mysterious, suddenly-appearing Timothy. (Don't even get me started on Benjamin and Leonard!) 

Plus all the departmen...

Our tropes are inescapable

Happy new year, Jackals! Hope you enter 2022 relaxed, merry, and with a hankering for hot centaurs. I blissfully did not wallow in terrible movies or books for the final week of the year, but even with that intentional break, I found myself encountering... yep, long fingers, in a book about baseball pitching. At least it kind of makes sense there.

New episode coming Friday!

372 Pages #113 - Antigua Ep 1 - Beautiful Horses

This book is amazing! It's an amazing book! Conor, 40 years-old, yelled to Mike, who was made of human parts, "I can't believe how amazing this book is!" They then both galloped over to their special sticks* and said words into them about the book!

*microphones!

Assignment: Read up until the thrilling, dramatic sentence "He then finished doing all of his chores." This is the end of Chapter 5 in the paperback version. We will include Chapter 3, which we did not have time for this t...

LDB Challenge - Mini

A Chicago story from Conor that doesn't involve his sincerely held belief that there were ropes along the sidewalks of that town to prevent you from blowing down the street.

Edit: I THOUGHT THOSE ROPES WERE A THING DAMMIT!

Anyway, here's the video of the costly performance, and here's the wikipedia description of the 2021-12-16 20:51:38 +0000 UTC View Post

Meet The Authors - Ham Bushmiller

Mike is joined by cartoonist Bob Fingerman for a special holiday edition of Meet The Authors. Joining them from an alley behind a hardware store is Ham Bushmiller, who takes classic public domain Christmas characters and spices them up in a myriad of questionably erotic ways. Here about his takes on A Christmas Carol, Rudolph, Frosty, Mr. Magoo, Home Alone, and many other once-beloved, now irreparab...

New Book Announcement!

Conor challenges Mike with a quiz (he does poorly) and then the new book is announced!

EDIT:  Well this should be interesting. The kindle (CANON) version does not have chapter breaks. We will read until Location 737, ending at the sentence "The rulers of the easternmost province were King Arlexjandrio and Queen Gwyndeth." 

This is through Chapter 3 in the NON-CANON paperback version. Mike will weigh in on the hardcover when he gets it.

2021-12-03 16:03:16 +0000 UTC View Post

Classical Mini - Bruckner - FIRM Settle Down

Mike here: I have not asked him but does anyone for a second believe that Conor wouldn't issue all of Anton Bruckner's works an official stamped and certified by a Notary Public, Settle Down?

Because this is an unpopular opinion of Austrian composer Anton Bruckner I know we're going to get a lot of blowback so I just hope our servers hold up and that Patreon can handle all the new users.

372 Pages 112 - Irene Iddsleigh Ep 3 - HAWKES! (The Gardener)

Wow, there's no way around it, we unabashedly loved the places this book went! (If you don't agree with us please contact our solicitors, Messrs. Hutchinson and Harper.  If you find no relief and require medical assistance please get in touch with the eminent physicians Doctors Killen, Crombie and Smiley and they will cable for medicine from London [please allow six weeks for delivery]).

[EDIT: Mike adds, It took me a moment but I recalled why "Messrs. Hutchinson and Harper" was bu...

Irene Meme Contest Winners!

Wow, this was a good batch of funny images! Some very creative entries. The audience pic was a tie between Lorne's "Drake" and Edmund's "Sweaty guy pushing buttons", and Joel's "Sierra adventure game" gets the judges' award!

Email 372pages@gmail.com and we'll get your prizes in the mail! Check out the whole gallery here: https://imgur.com/a/1kpx074 

372 Mini: Conor Befuddles a Contractor

Conor (and to a lesser degree Mike) are burgeoning Crypto Guys, and it's progressed to the point where Conor called a guy to come out and give him an estimate for installing an antenna on his roof. It did not go well. Hear about our adventures in the wacky world of Helium, as well as Lauren's take on how her beloved husband is potentially going to burn down their house.

Drop your handle if the initials HNT mean anything to you!

Uh oh...

Conor here. I logged on to my local Nextdoor.com page for the first time in months, and this is one of the first posts I see. Guess I should abandon my plans to sell drugs at the local community college!!

Irene Iddesleigh meme contest!

Alright, we've all spent 80 pages and approximately 30,000 excessive words in the IdeesVerse, so lets see the memes!

If you've been here before you know the drill. If not, post a link to your image in the comments, then come back to vote on your favorites. The one with the most likes, as well as a judge's favorite, will win some sort of prize that we've yet to determine.

Enjoy the above new format, which is Conor's mom and his nephew Henry.

372 Pages 111 - Irene Iddesleigh Ep 2

Just when you thought Irene Iddesleigh was just going to be kind of old-timey funny, the type of funny that would cause Samuel Clemens to sort of let out a little laugh through his nose, it goes completely bananas off-the-rails insane!! Beheaded ancestors, murder rooms, cocoanut matte carpeting, grim gore, hair-raising escapes led by loyal maids, the firing of Rachel Hyde and Tom Hepworth, trips to Dobb's Ferry.

Trust us, it's deranged.

Oh, and there's Real or Fa...

372 Mini - Time for Timer

Please help Mike and Conor work through one of the most important issues of this or any age. 

Looks like these fools came to their senses!!!

Dale M Courtney is not mentioned in this article, but we'd like to think that one of these astronauts was reading Moon People last night and burst into the control room yelling "WE CAN'T DO IT ON HALLOWEEN!!!"

Conor makes a confession

I had to tell Mike something, and it was serious enough that I had to do it in person. I'm just glad that he was able to forgive me.

Three idiots about to eat the world's hottest pepper

Greetings from Nashville! I spent all summer growing Carolina Reaper peppers in my garden, and decided to bring the first one I picked to Nashville to share with two guys who will eat anything, Mike and Kevin Murphy.

We did not get video of the actual moment when the heat hit but all three of us immediately realized it was the hottest thing we've ever eaten. Which, you know, duh: it's the world's hottest pepper...

372 Pages 110 - Irene Iddesleigh Ep 1

This book was a surprise, packed with hidden delights. So too this episode including

• A brand new department: Appreciate Mark Twain
• Several dives to the Dark Web
• More than one improv regarding Sir John's locked rooms
• Dumb Sentences
• A stunning Real or Fanfic

READING ASSIGNMENT: Read through chapter 14!

I Saw This in the Wild, on an Ebay Item

Very mild language warning (it is, after all, an eBay listing).

As Conor said when I sent him this: "He's a patriot!"

EDIT: The original listing is gone but I saved the web page. Someday it will be worth as much as the Magna Carta.

2nd EDIT: Ok, it's either back or I missed it. Bet on my incompetence and you can't go wrong. 2021-10-19 15:18:16 +0000 UTC View Post

New Book Reveal!

Modelland 2? Shadow Moon: Willow Becomes the Ceiling? The Secret Unpublished Diaries of Dwight David Thrash, Certified Public Accountant, Forensic Certified Public Accountant, and Chartered Global Management Accountant?

You'll have to listen to find out!

Reading assignment, read through chapter 9.
And get the (PD) book 2021-10-08 15:18:10 +0000 UTC View Post

New book tomorrow!

Tomorrow we'll be announcing our EIGHTEENTH book and it's one we're quite excited about. Any guesses...?

Classical Mini - Beethoven's 10th?!

AI is writing Ludwig's 10th?
We have thoughts, and by "we" we mean of course, Mike.

Modelland Extra - Acknowledgments, aka Library Fudge

Reading a 563 Tyra Banks book just wasn't enough. Listeners insisted we read and report back on her six pages of acknowledgments!

Many exotic locations are thanked, as are bodies of water, buildings, food items, museum stores, the occasional co-writer or agent; and one of the actors who played Batman (who isn't Jason O'Mara, Kevin McKidd, Julian Fletcher, Adam West, Ben Affleck, Will Arnett, Peter Weller, Ben McKenzie, Bruce Greenwood, Ron Perlman, Christian Bale, Val ...

Smizecream Tasting!

As promised, Conor brought out his copy of Modelland and the six pints of Tyra's Smizecream that Nathaniel sent him. Let's see how the three year olds liked it!

(My review: It's very good ice cream. I thought there might be some weird fake sweeteners in it or something, but it was very good, even if there wasn't any BBQ in the Chocolate BBQ. Pick some up if it ever makes it to stores!)