372 Pages We ll Never Get Back

Smile/No Smile?

Listener Nick sent this in, what do you think, does he get a Smile out of Alessia?

A dumbass explores a gas station snack aisle

Now that is romance, baby!

Hallmark Movie Channel CEO: Listen up, Hoover

It may not look or sound like it but The Hallmark Channel has standards and dammit, Ugly Love does not live up to them

Two Colleen Hoover characters buy candy cigarettes

Actually, hearing the dialogue out loud does make you understand how Tate is falling for this guy

372 Pages #185 - Ugly Love Ep 2 - Kissing. SO Much Kissing...

Look, Cap is a ghost. Or a specter. Or a haint, or something old-timey, and Tater is clearly either dead or in another realm (full disclosure: that is Mike's guess. Conor has other theories) but no matter what realm we're in, this much does not change: Miles is a dumb ass. And he likes kissing. Tasting and kissing. But mostly kissing.

Does Mike do well at Real or Fanfic? Well, we wish we could center justify this text as a clue, but Patreon doesn't allow it. I think the larger point is ...

280 Mysteries We'll Never Get Back #7 - The Case of Cupid's Arrow (Free Feed)

This episode is going live in the free feed on Monday but here it is a few days in advance here on the Patreon!

Join us once again in Batshitcrazytown, USA, aka Idaville, where Encyclopedia Brown is attempting to solve a case that initially appears to be an attempted murder, but fortunately only ends up beating a savage beating during a home invasion. How many rich people live in Idaville and just how rich are they? Maybe we'll find out more in this episode, which features one of Donald...

Rondo & Hobo Soup

What do you do when you get one of your musical heroes on the podcast? Discuss defunct canned soups and regional sodas, of course!

280 Mysteries - Ep 36 - The Case of the Red Roses - Conor is On the Case!

Let's see if Conor can match wits with Donald J. Sobel circa 2012.

If Ugly Love was the slightest bit realistic

There would be a lot more Chipotle barf, is all we're saying

Y-You remember when you were with The Hold Steady?

Same energy

Conor broke bold new ground in Bad Fiction Gimmicks

We know what you're thinking, but the circular short story has sadly been lost to time, unlike Ugly Love by Colleen Hoover

Don't format your books like this...

If you are

considering formatting

your next book

like

this.

Don't.

Just don't.

372 Pages #184 - Ugly Love Ep 1 - Cap's "V" Points Right to His Bullseye

Ah, a fresh author, a fresh book, a new start; meeting new characters, exciting new locat-- wait. What? Half the chapters are center justified?! And half the words in those chapters are "Rachel"?! And fully half of the characters have distinct odors and / or flavors?

Ok... Let's read through Ugly Love.

Get the book here (affiliate link): https://amzn.to/4kKujs4

READING ASSIGNMENT: All the way t...

Ah, Cap...

Front runner for the best sentence & character in the first 8 chapters of Ugly Love?

280 Mysteries Ep 35 - The Case of the Mysterious Thief - With Craig Finn

Craig Finn of The Hold Steady joins our little podcast and the results are nothing short of spectacular. His new book and his upcoming tour with Bob Mould of Hüsker Dü are of course discussed (and Mike somehow refrained from telling him the story of how Hüsker Dü's Grant Hart and he once emptied garbage cans together...) BUT more importantly, he is presented with an Encyclopedia Brown mystery and it's everything you'd want it to be.

Even bigger news. I mea...

Weekend Thread: Any good books?

We had some technical issues today that mean we're gonna have to finish recording the podcast early next week, but we started the episode by discussing whether we've been reading any GOOD books lately as opposed to the river of slop we wade through on this podcast and it turns out that yes, we are not deranged weirdos who only wallow in the crap we discuss here. So here's the point of the ep where we talk about the GOOD stuff we've been reading lately, and we open the floor to you to discuss ...

Smize Cream Down Under

Lots of questions about this poster that listener Matthew's family member spotted in Australia.

1. Why the rebrand to "Smize Dream"? Had someone in Australia already trademarked Smize Cream?

2. How can "the present", that is the moment time we all exist in, which is simultaneously all encompassing and wildly vague, "inspire" a flavor of Smize Dream?

3. Taking a big bite in the upper right hand corner: glowed up Hunchy??

4. Time travel is part of the Modelland/Smizecrea...

The 372 Pages Oracle

Mike and Conor consult a low rent oracle who tells them they will spend the next two months of their lives immersed in Ugly Love by Colleen Hoover

Talking to Wynn Walent of Locally Haiti

Conor here, with a little something different for you all. This is a conversation with my friend Wynn Walent. Wynn and I went to college together, we'd listen to music, play Mario Kart, occasionally start a fake holiday. But since then, he's gone on to do great work in the humanitarian non profit sector in Haiti, where he and his organization recently helped ...

Mike ventured into Colleen Hoover BookTok

Mike watched some Colleen Hoover tiktoks and does his best to recap this one: https://www.tiktok.com/@eloisehamp/video/6942754389962525958?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc

222

Listener Brian spotted a 2-2-2 in the wild in Arizona last month. No word about tragic menu stories or thundersnow, however.

The people vs Rad Skeleton

The lawsuit about the book we just covered, The Legend of Rah and the Muggles, as not the only one filed against a popular 90s children's book series. The Goosebumps series also got sued for having a skeleton with too much 'tude on the cover!

372 Pages Ep 183: Book 33 Reveal (And YES you will be tested on this!!)

How do we say this without giving anything away...? "You won't be hard pressed to find this book," how about that? Or, perhaps, "The surge pricing will not push it up to $245 ala Super Constitution." We'll even risk saying, "There are more copies of this in active circulation than there are Bob Honey Who Just Do Stuff."

There. I think it makes it pretty obvious what we're reading next.

Assignment: Read thru Chapter 8

Get the book here (affiliate link): 2025-03-12 18:00:52 +0000 UTC View Post

280 Mysteries We'll Never Get Back #6 - The Case of the Skunk Ape

We'll be posting this to the main podcast feed and youtube tomorrow, so enjoy this previously vaulted episode releasing to the public a day early!

Here's another diabolic mystery concerning Idaville's very own cryptid, the legendary SKUNK APE! It also, for the third time since we started doing these, involves a pilfered string instrument.

Muggle Memes

We've wrapped up reading "The Legend of Rah and the Muggles", but if you're waiting for us to announce the next book (later this week on the $5 patreon feed), why not peruse this gallery of high quality muggle memes made by our loyal jackals!

Mike ate a Malt Cup at Wrigley Field, presumably in the 19th century

Mike's dad took him to Wrigley Field once, and this is his tale, from our latest 280 Mysteries episode. Hear the whole thing on the main Patreon feed!

280 Mysteries Ep 34 - Case of the Umpire's Error - with Pres Maxson

Mike teams up with author/musician Pres Maxon and it goes well.

Pres has a new book out, which we think you should check out, and he has a strong connection to Wrigley Field which you have to hear to believe.

Get Pres's new book Chinatown Troubador here: https://amzn.to/3DzWNE5

 EDIT...

Mike knows Porkins' full name

A few weeks ago, Mike tried to recap every Star Wars movie from memory. He did pretty well on The Holiday Special, and then it went down hill. One of the highlights, though, was this casual reveal that even though he struggled to remember the name "that lightsaber guy, Lukey whatsit" he knows the full name of a character who is onscreen for maybe 34 seconds tops.

Muggle Meme winners!

Many great memes, "Bravo!" as Chef Franc would say. Congrats to our winners Elizabeth L & Matthew G! Please email 372pages@gmail.com and we will get you a prize.

Check out the whole gallery here

The Forbidden Secret Room in the Victorian Mansion

Everybody always gets tempted by the secret room in the weird old house that their elderly relative tells them not to go into, but what this podcast presupposes is, what if someone didn't?