Heres What I Dont Get

Episode 181 - Mandatory

Coming to NBC this fall, The New Normal, from the creators of the legendary Life. In this futuristic sitcom, we follow John Everyman in a post-apocalyptic New York City. After a virus wipes out a large percentage of humanity, John must go from eating from cans and virtual conference calls to having to put pants on again! And if that wasn't enough, his ex, Sarah, is back in town having recovered from the terrible flesh-eating virus! When they get back together it seems John has some issues wit...

Episode 180 - Sdrawkcab

All this and more on this week’s episode! Don't  forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON, NEWPROJECT2 or  by BUYING A SHIRT!

What's the difference between 11 and 12? Nothing. The 11th could...

Episode 179 - Kraft Tuna Melt

Quarantine log day, forgotten, we’re on full blown coronatime. I haven’t showered in 4 days. I no longer own any pants. Food supplies are running low, fortunately the cat food is pretty tasty with a caprisun chaser. I have seen everything offered on Netflix, and can now confidently say, it’s all garbage. There were a few good new documentaries talking about,

- Live Services
- Modelers
- Stopping the Bleach Drinkers
- Amazon

Long ago games were a one time purchase. Y...

Episode 178 - Spare Parts

Welcome back to Here’s What I Want to Reopen, the most popular podcast about reopening things! Number one this week is………. this bag of Doritos! A lovely spicy nacho flavor, orange dust all over your fingers, what’s not to love about this bag of Doritos? Second on our list………… the investigation into D.B. Cooper! Don’t you want to know what really happened to him? Who was he? Did he actually fight Bigfoot? Was he Bigfoot all along? We need to know the answers, sheeple! And R...

Tab and Tim Watch - Mortal Kombat

Truckin and Tuckin joins us for a commentary on the greatest Kombat franchise in history. We also enjoyed a drinking game during the game, and you can play along.

Pose - Sip
Character Intro - Sip
Mortal Kombat! - Drink
"Soul" - Drink
Fatality - Shot

We get pretty drunk so see if you can keep pace.

We recorded a commentary for the sequel, but the files were deleted by a spinning kick to the delete key.

Bonus Episode 42 - Wizard Toilets

Welcome back HWIDGits to this month's bonus commentary this month we get these important pleasures.

- Just Right Bad Movies
- Swiffer
- Jack Box
- Harry S. Plinkett

Be sure to vote for May's movie commentary! 

Episode 177 - Junk in the Trunk ft. Tony from Hack the Movies

Just another regular day here at the HWIDG offices. Tab is shambling around with a bottle of Jameson in each hand, Tim is meticulously counting number of tiles on the floor, and Todd is cooking up a nice squirrel and possum stew. Oh, and Tony from Hack The Movies came by to drop off three pallets of Speed 2 Blu-Rays. So join us in our locked-up stupor as we yell about:

* Neo-Hygenists
* Where's Antifa?
* TV Show Movies

Apparently no one cleaned anything before the 'rona hit....

Episode 176 - Mammonaut

Hello there. Sergeant Jones reporting here. We recently carried out a raid on an illegally operating business during this quarantine. Two men were found and turned over to the CIA for disposal err I mean questioning. These men were conducting illegal broadcasts denouncing our supreme leader and other highly respected members of the government. We have hijacked their signal and broadcasted this dummy episode as bait. We've backtraced all of your IPs, and you too, their loyal listeners, will be...

Tab and Tim Watch - Rhinestone

That's right the movie commentary you've been waiting for, Rhinestone. This movie quickly entered into our hearts with just how absolutely ridiculous it is. A great pairing, of Dolly Parton's Left and Right Tiddy, Dolly Parton, and Sylvester Stalone. In the gender swapped country music version of My Fair Lady you never knew you wanted to see. So grab a torrent, and sit down with us as we watch the legendary film, Rhinestone

Tab and Tim vs Pickard - Episode 10 (With Video)

 Looks like we made it folks. The Series Finale of Gene Luck Pickard and this episode takes a huge dump on all common sense. Magic Doctor Who fixit devices. Stupid robot Golems. A a character of such little self esteem she is easily convinced to destroy the universe and just as quickly convinced to stop. Thank god it's over. Here's a final set of Numbers for the series. Our big winner was Tim who won 875 Quatloos from our bets. I won 750, including our bet on the series total. 423. Comin...

Episode 175 - Lizard People

Quarantine Day 962: Being King of New Canada is not all lollipops and poutine, contrary what you may have heard. The serfs are never happy with what I graciously give them. Other lands could never afford to pay their peoples such a large sum of 1,200 caps. Frequent assassination attempts mean I must be on watch at all times. I must even have my most trusted assistants test my food and drink. Despite all this, I have brought my glorious nation from the brink of destruction to one of the top po...

Minisode 27 - Escalators are Stairs

Thank you patrons and welcome back to this month's Minisode. This month Tim's allergies are flaring up as we talk about these minute annoyances.

Microwave Beeps
Peek of Summer
Internet of Lies
The Speed of Luxury

Under the hood microwaves have changed very little, sure they're more energy efficient, and bigger and have more settings. The biggest change to your microwave is the interface, we went from functional buttons, to lousy membrane buttons, now I'm sure touch sensit...

Retrosode - Buck and Tab

It's a blast from the past in this early morning throwback to a bygone era. Buck's got issues and now, you're gonna hear about 'em.

Being Essential
$50k Paperweights
401k Taxes
Walk-In Tubs

The grass is always greener, for one of these co-hosts is essential and one is not. If only they could switch places. Seriously though you'd think that no one has ever delivered a pizza before, but while we suck off Amazon driver's who are spitting on your stuff when yesterday you woul...

Episode 174 - Closed on Sunday

Quarantine Day 236: Finally, I made it to Canada. The trek was arduous, and I had nothing to keep me warm in the cold Dakota wilds except for a light jacket and my HWIDG Uncle Buck Signature Hat. It will be tough adapting to life in this new place. It's so bright, even at night, it seems they still have some form of electricity. People look at me with curious glances. Their culture in the apocalypse seems almost unchanged from what I can recall about the old ways. I can see no signs of quaran...

Tab and Tim vs Pickard - Episode 9 (With Video)

Well here it is folks. The Penultimate episode of Star Trek Pickard. I can't get over how pointless this stuff is anymore. Tim and I spend a good portion of this episode in stunned silence with our head in our hands. Fuckin Embarrassing.

Check out the video over on youtube https://youtu.be/gerhWu823yU

By The Numbers:
Funny Eyes 7/38
Directly Contradicting Canon 9/76
Cool Sci-Fi Bro 15/42
Cameos and Ca...

Bonus Episode 41 - You're Late

Welcome back HWIDG fans to this month's Bonus Episode. It's a shitshow outside so the only thing you have to do is lift weights and listen to our podcast. So grab those barbells while we talk about,

Self-Isolating
Reassuring Leadership
Buzzer Beaters
Civil Disobedience

Tim is in Utopia. No reason to go outside. A new Doom game has been released. He's happy as a clam. He gets it. Don't be around other people, just be inside your own home. I get it I can hangout inside all ...

Tab and Tim vs Pickard - Episode 8 (With Video)

Oh please god let it end. This episode we set some new bets, but more importantly go where no eye clicker has gone before.

Video Episode https://youtu.be/Vck9V1Ue2ZA 

By the numbers

Funny Eyes 14/31
Directly Contradicting Canon 18/67
Cool Sci-Fi Bro 26/127
Cameos and Call Backs 18/75
Called It 15/40
Old Man Deaths 1/13
Total 92

Episode 173 - Quarantined (ft. ASERiley)

Quarantine Day 6: The bunker still stands. Despite the constant raids and attacks by packs of rabid dogs, our stash of TP has been mostly untouched. Tab and I ran out of Todd meat yesterday, so I had to make the choice. It was either him or me. I set a trap with some new shiny Mustang parts, and he fell for it. I guess that means no more podcast anymore. So for one last time, here's what I don't get: having to eat your friends in the apocalypse. I'm sure you've all had to the same or worse in...

Tab and Tim vs Pickard - Episode 7 (With Video)

Remember Riker and Troi! Well guess who's back and has a sob story about a dead kid? That's Right a poorly written facsimile of a beloved character. Witness the most interesting character this series has to offer in an episode that is pure filler between the events of last episode, and the action packed race to the finish coming next week! I for one cannot wait for this piece of shit series to be over. Check out the video version that is almost entirely video and no filler title card! 2020-03-12 03:34:36 +0000 UTC View Post

Episode 172 - Drag n' Drop

Welp, this is it folks. Our last transmission. The government has raised the Rage-o-meter to DEAFCON-1. Rage all across the world is at an all-time high, and there are no signs of it letting up. As Patient Zero, Tab has bravely decided to go into quarantine where his body will be submitted to dozens of rigorous tests and ultimately will be dissected and studied in hopes for a cure. We here at HWIDG wish him well and wish all our listeners a Merry End of the World.

* Apple
* Timewaste...

Tab and Tim vs Pickard - Episode 6 (ft. Truckin and Tuckin)

Welcome back Trekkers and MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU.

The force of Suction of course, because this episode is terrible. Join us as we spend nearly the whole episode with not Spock and Soji Tabuchi and they finally figure out she's a robot. Then Pickard finds her and they get away to safety.

WHAT IS THE REST OF THIS SERIES GOING TO BE ABOUT?

I don't know, and certainly the writers have no idea.

On the plus side, some Quatloos are owed here and there for the bets we've be...

Minisode 26 - Unrelenting

As with everything with the garbage schedule I've had this month, THIS EPISODE IT LATE. But Fuck you, you paid a dollar for it. So here it is finally our Minisode for February, a fucking bullshit 29 day month.

Not Enough Syrup
Cutting Your Lip
Hair Ties
Rewatching Shows Online

Fountain Sodas are great, all the way until they aren't, and the failure point is the same thing every fucking time. No syrup. Look I know you have a hard day of dicking around on your phone between...

Episode 171 - Hello How Are You Today

Everyone's sick. We've all got a bit of the coronavirus in us already, and now we're just waiting for the alien eggs to hatch from our stomachs. That's right folks, in my 4 AM congestion-fever haze I discovered that COVID-19 is actually alien babies that want our warm bodies as incubators for their furtive young. Also, Jim Henson was assassinated by the CIA, Hilary Clinton's lizard baby grew up to be Katy Perry, and Tupac and Elvis were the SAME GUY. Row row row your boat gently down the stre...

Episode 170 - Air Hockey Shark

1973. A failing radio show on KHWIDG. Co-host The Big Breaker found murdered in the studio. Only one man can solve his murder and simultaneously get the show back into the big time: The Machine. He stalks the bars looking for answers and chumps. He challenges the scummy gangsters to a game of life or death: air hockey. One puck. Two paddles. A high-stakes game where one wrong move can send you to the brink of the edge. The Machine will make his way to the top one way or another. For his frien...

Tab and Tim Vs Pickard - Episode 5 (With Video)

Hey look video is back! Two in a Row! There is a brief pause at 14:53 we give you a recountdown to restart the episode once we regain our composure.

Welcome back Patrons episode 5 of Picakrd introduces us to the worst named villain in the history of Star Trek. Also the lamest death of a character Tab cared more about than he realized. Plus a cinematic blue balls to equal no other. Hey though there are a bunch of jokes! What if Pickard wore an eyepatch and was very very french?! How fun...

Bonus Episode 40 - Hippity Hop

Sorry for the late posting on this, with all of the other content we've had in the pipeline this one kept getting pushed down. Here it is though, and with just a few more days to vote for March's movie commentary! So go do that and while you're voting we do get this important pleasures.

Short Stories
Dat Bass
The Next Level
Retiring Accounts

Look a long narrative filled with intrigue and be...

Episode 169 - Type 2 Jediabeetus

Welcome to another episode of Here’s What I Don’t Get About Sonic, the only formerly non-hedgehog-related podcast to tackle all of the issues of the Blue Blur’s universe. On this week’s episode, we discuss Sonic’s recipe for chili dogs and finally tackle the big issue: Who’s the sexiest ancillary Sonic character? So join us as we go fast and collect just enough rings to stay alive until the boss fight, Todd in his Floating MegaVape Pod.

* Sneaky Political Ads
* Robert's...

Tab and Tim vs Pickard - Episode 4 (With Video)

We're at it again and coming off the high of the best episode so far is the most eye rolling episode we've seen this week. We posit some theories, give some alternate takes on the plot, and generally dislike most of what we see. We're filming this episode in a space ship, but we recreated my apartment to not shock your senses. Who will we see as a cameo? What new ancient enemy of the people emerges? And will this episode have a flashback, to establish the relationship of the people in this ep...

Before & After - Sonic: The Movie

Rise up Gaymers and go see Sanic, the beloved autism hedgehog in what will surely win an Oscar for best movie that isn't Birds of Prey this weekend. It's a simple enough movie with a straightforward plot that was executed surprisingly well. It's the first movie of 2020 that I will recommend to you the fans of HWIDG.

Recommendation
Tim - Yes
Tab - Yes

Before and After - Star Trek: Nemesis

Well this is it, the final entry in the TNG universe for Tim. We're sitting down and discussing a possible Star Trek 11. Autism robots. Plot holes. And everything great and terrible about Nemesis. We hope you've enjoyed this retrospective look into TNG, hopefully we'll be back with more Star Trek discussion.