Heres What I Dont Get

Episode 156 - Four More Years!

Hello fellow HWIDG-icans. For the past three years, we have served as your commanders-in-rage. Now, these years have not gone by without change, and, we'll admit it, some bit of scandal. But have we not been truthful with you? Have we not been the most upfront? We haven't. And that is what we are here to talk to you about today. We're here to tell you that, unfortunately we *do* get these things. Not only do we get them, but we enjoy them. This guise of hate and not understanding has been a s...

Bonus Episode 37 - Apartment Pop!

Now that the prayer is over, it's time to go around the table and tell everyone what you're thankful for this thanksgiving, if you're having a hard time thinking of something because some fucking moron rear-ended your beautiful Honda Accord that you've literally driven all across the country, you companion through dozens of audiobooks, a mule that has carried almost all of your personal possessions across the state or across the country... Oh is this just me I'm describing? Anyway if your loo...

Episode 155 - Boom 'Em Up

Everyone, it’s time to gather ‘round for another special Podcast! Since last you joined us, Tim has been called to the European Invitational for Non-professional Destiny players and joins us live from Italy. Don’t count out Newly broken Tab though, because he’s been entered to fight i...

Episode 154 - Funko Poops

Welcome back to Here's What I Don't Get. Now that Halloween is over, we're moving on to the most American of holidays, that's right i'm talking about National Fast Food Day. The 16th is coming up fast so we're making sure everyone is ready to stuff themselves silly yet somehow not feel full. We're talking Taco Bell breakfast, Wendy's for Lunch, and Popeye's for dinner. Super sized, smothered, crunchy, extra bacon goodness on everything, and don't forget the 64 ounce Diet Coke. And this is Day...

Tab and Tim Watch - Die Hard: With a Vengeance

7 years ago John McClane threw a man off a building and never thought of it again, someone thought about it though and his name, was Simon Gruber. Now Gruber is back and he's out for revenge against his brother's killer, and a billion dollar payday care of the Federal Reserve. McClane's only hope is a racist electrician HeyZeus Carver, will the two of them put aside their racial differences and stop this madman, or will Simon get away? Only one way to find out in this month's movie commentary...

Before and After - Terminator: Dark Fate

Welcome to our new movie review show, where instead of just telling you what we think. We discuss what we think it will be before we go see it. Reflect on the franchise as a whole and then tell you what the movie was actually like once we get back. 

Our inaugural episode is Terminator: Dark Fate, the first direct sequel to T2 since Terminator: Genisys, and before that Terminator: Rise of the Machines. Dark Fate brings back Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor and two people you don't car...

Episode 153 - Stolen Lightbulbs

This is it. Halloween. Hallow's Evening. All Hallow's Eve. Samhain. Parentalia. No matter what you call it, it's time for the dead to come back to life and feast on our flesh. So gather up your torches and pitchforks and see how many waves you can get through in one life. I hear if you get through 50 waves you unlock the Headless Horseman costume and:

* Fallout 1st
* Upselling
* Bad Candy
* Halloween Haters

Bethesda. What are you doing. We know you're greedy, I mean, you...

Minisode 22 - Pacific Cooler

Spooktober is almost over and with the end of one season comes another Minisode from HWIDG. This month we're bringing up childhood trauma while talking about these issues.

Costume with a Jacket
Milk
Modern Trick or Treating
Beverage Injuries

You were good in school, worked hard, and got the perfect costume, but it's October and you live in not California, so it's chilly. Time to add this seasons #1 costume accessory for moms, and #0 costume accessory for kids. Your fuck...

Episode 152 - Sea Turtle Odds

Welcome to Here's What I Don't Get About Destiny, you number one source for Destiny news and guides! This week we take a look at masterworks and the new exotic bow quest. Don't recognize any of these words? Don't worry, for the complete opposite is happening to me! God help us all I'm dreaming about Calus tributes and sparrow racing. I think I need help...wait what's that? A NEW EVENT? HALLOWEEN THEMED? SCREW THE PODCAST, WHEEEEEEEEEEE!

* Friends That Don't Drink
* Sports Bars
* S...

Bonus Episode 36 - Dunko Plops

Welcome back Patrons to this month's sniffled bonus episode. This month we're having an allergic reaction to these great pleasures.

- Panel Shows
- Pumpkin Carving
- Critical Role
- Rockets

Not a comic con panel which is the lamest thing on planet earth. No a British Panel show, maybe the apex of live improv comedy and culture on display in 2019. Doesn't work here in America though, we're too interested in the Bachelorette, fuckin degens.

It's October and you know w...

Episode 151 - Pwnage

Welcome to Here's What I Don't Get: Hong Kong Edition! On today's episode we review the top 5 most stylish gas masks, test out our new laser, and discuss the pros and cons of molotov cocktails. But first and foremost we discuss good ol' Blizzard and our support of the #Blizzard Boycott. It'll be interesting to see BlizzCon next month, it's too big for them to cancel now, and they've got no new games in the pipeline....wait what? They're announcing Overwatch 2, Diablo 4, and Starcraft 3?.........

Episode 150 - RPG Talk (feat. Mandi Weems)

Welcome to a very somber episode of Here's What I Don't Get. Usually we're boisterous and jolly, but after the events of this weekend it's hard to find any light in this dark world of ours. Usually we don't get political, but we feel in this case we must. It's time for our government to finally do something about this problem plaguing our nation. The founding fathers could not have seen how advanced the technology would become, and in their days it took many times longer just for one use. It'...

Episode 149 - Enjoy the Chaos

Welcome to Here's What I Don't Get, now with 100% more Spooky Scary Skeletons! It's October finally, so get your spook on, your colonizer on, your hay ride on, and most importantly, on October 17th, get your virtual desktop cleaning on. Put on your favorite Halloween song, warm up some cider and sit back as we tell you the tale of:

* Positively Platitudinal
* Settling for Windows
* Social Media Skeletons
* Ugly and Unorganized Files

Keepin' it posi. PMA: positive mental ...

Tab and Tim Watch - Halloween III: Season of the Witch

Hey Mega Producers you voted and we listened and watched, this movie! So grab your stark gray suit, mirrored sun glasses, and HWIDG token and gather round the TV for a special advertisement at the end of the commentary that totally won't turn your face into snakes and bugs.

Warning: Halloween 3 Commentary should not be consumed by those with brittle bone disease, or any hot 17 year olds into middle aged alcoholic doctors.

Minisode 21 - Shrinkage

Thank you patrons for another month of support, in this recently washed and chilled podcast we're talking about...

Bans
No Clocks in Games
Fifth Wheels
Surprise Family Visits

Why remove someone from something when there are millions of ways to just ignore them? It's because you're weak willed and a coward, plus you're probably afraid you're too stupid to be able to think for yourself if they start making too much sense. Oh well guess you better ban them.

What time ...

Episode 148 - High-Priced Nazi Memorabilia

Welcome back from vacation folks! Welcome back to city life, being underpaid and overworked, a general rudeness and much much more. But, maybe instead you can think back to your vacation. Whether you spent your time with your toes in the sand, or your boots on a mountain, or standing in line at the all-you-can-eat shrimp buffet on a cruise-liner, think of it as your happy place. Don't picture your boss, picture your tour guide. Don't picture the hammer you're holding, picture a nice stiff dri...

Episode 147 - Chinese Mario Vape Juice

Welcome to Here's What I Don't Vape, the only formerly non-vaping podcast to tackle all of life's strongest strains. I'm your host Tim the Handlevaper and with me as always is my friend Dab Birt. On this week's episode we try Dab's Colorado haul! He's got everything from Carrot Cake Wake n' Bake to Bob Barker's Right Hook to Alabama Thunderkitty! So sub-ohm your rig and light up with us as we discuss:

* Giving Away Time
* China Owning Amazon
* Sudden Vape Problem
* Nintendo Fa...

Bonus Episode 35 - Accidental Discharge

It's September, Green Day is asleep. Earth, Wind, and Fire is getting ready for the party of the year for the end of fall. Spooky Skeletons are rattling around, college girls are prepping their yoga pants and boots, and we're in the last days without pumpkin spice. But the best part is here, Here's What I Do Get, and when we don't fuck up the intro we're talking about this;

Spare Parts
Modding
Gradualism
Bingeing

It's more than just an insult it's a way of life. You can't...

Episode 146 - Dishonorable

Apple apple apple, apple apple apple? Apple apple Apple Apple Apple Apple Apple! Apple apple's apple, apple apple apple apple, apple apples, apple apples. Apple apple apples' apples? APPLE! Apple apple apple Apple apple apples. Apple Applebreaker apple's apple apples, apple apples apple apple applin'. Apple, apple apple apple appled apple apple apple apple's apple:

*Having to Turn to Reddit
*That One Song
*Making a Problem for Yourself
*Discord Culture

 Tim the Handl...

Episode 145 - Bear Mace Windu

2019: the year of long-awaited fulfillment! TOOL, Missy Elliott, and The Raconteurs dropped new music after 10+ years, we saw the culmination of 10 years or Marvel movies and were graced with both a new Tarantino film and Alita: Battle Angel which was announced in 2003. But if there's one thing that has been most looked-forward to by millions of people around the world, it's this month's update for Steam! That's right, after a measly SIXTEEN years, the schlubs at Valve have finally decided th...

Tab and Tim Watch - Highlander

In what is widely regarded as the Greatest Movie of All Time. Connor MacCleod plays Russel Nash, a bookish antique dealer with a heart of gold, and a neck as brittle as a toothpick. Watch as he slays his foes and absorbs their power in The Gathering a contest of immortals in 1985 New York City. With music by Queen, and appearances from some people that were also in Star Wars, grab your Katana because There Can Be Only One - HIGHLANDER!

Minisode 20 - No Touching!

Gather round ye HWIDG-ets and bear witness to these trivial annoyances given voice by our faithful heroes.

- All This Hair
- Touching the Screen
- Calling an EP and Album
- Migraines

How does Cousin It survive the summers? Tim has no idea because while his mane isn't as glorious as the aforementioned member of the Addams Family it sure feels like it holds in the same amount of heat. Hair is a great insulator, that's why polar bears have so much of it, sometim...

Episode 144 - Lesbian Space Crime

Welcome to the First Annual HWIDG Space Crime Consortium. We've gathered top leaders in space crime knowledge from around the world and are here to start the path on space crime imprisonment and rehabilitation. First off, we've got a preliminary list of your classic space crime prisons, including: self-sufficient spaceship prison, space mining penal colony, cryogenic stasis laboratory, and the classic fend-for-yourself survival planet with killer aliens/ environmental hazards. A popular vote ...

Episode 143 - First World Problems

Forget everything you know about 2019 and start looking to 2020. Why? Only because the greatest sport to ever hit the airwaves is coming back for your pleasure. That’s right, the XFL is back, and they’ve announced the first eight teams already, and we here at HWIDG are proud to bring you the official announcement of the ninth team! Joining the teams from Dallas, Houston, L.A., NY, St. Louis, Seattle, Tampa Bay, and Washington will be the Tulsa Handlebreakers! Featuring the original himsel...

Bonus Episode 34 - Who is Your Daddy?

It's mid-month and that means it's time for another laid back non-angry episode of Here's What I  Do Get. This month we're hitting pause, cracking a beer on the roof, kicking back, and starting a new game with,

- Recliners
- Taking a Break
- Character Creators
- Roof Top Bars

The throne of the house, sometime between College and Death a man gets a recliner, and it's his. A lot of people are over and Dad isn't home, well don't sit in that seat because it's his. I reme...

Episode 142 - Hobbit Bread

The Return of the King. The Dark Knight Returns. Taken. Rambo. Harry Brown. JOHN FRICKIN WICK. I'M THINKING HE'S BACK. Pulled from retirement, forced into the spotlight again, he returns. One last mission. Crown and cape ready, he soars into 2019 with The Bestest Documentary in the Universe. Nominated for 53 Academy Awards and 1 Razzie, own your copy today! Also, something about a podcast:

* Other People's Kitchens
* Subscriptions
* Delivery Drivers Forgetting Your Stuff
* Li...

We Left the Mics On - Serenity

Here it is the movie no one was looking forward to. Serenity, not that one a different one. One man's 3rd year film school story finally comes to life in 2019's Serenity. Join Matthew Mcaoun- how ever the fuck his last name is spelled, a down on his luck fisherman trying to catch Justice, a big fuckin Tuna. His fortunes change suddenly when his ex-wife, Selina Kyle, comes to his small island and asks him to kill her husband, the man she left him for. Will Matt kill her husband, will he bang S...

Episode 141 - Freaky Cats

From the minds that brought you HWIDG, comes a brand new podcast, its Todd Explains the 80s! Remember the 80's? Tab and Tim don't, so Todd sits down with them every week to explain The Cold War, Reaganomics, John Hughes, Family Ties, Madonna, Duran Duran, and more! So, put on your best shoulder-padded suit, use half a can of hairspray on your hair, an pump some jams on your Sony Walkman and get ready to warp back to the 80's! A magical place where you don't have to deal with:

* Cats: ...

Tab and Tim Watch - Kung Fu Hustle

Welcome back HWIDGets to this month's looney toons movie commentary. Join Tab and Tim as they sit down to watch the most Mr. Miyagi movie to ever wax on or wax off. In a world without phones, or people who speak English, only two things prevent total anarchy. Ax wielding gangsters, and flip flop wielding old ladies. So sit down, relax, and join us for a bit of light reading, Kung Fu style!

And be sure to go Subm...

Episode 140 - Ya Nasty

Welcome back to HWIDG Presents: Wacky Facts! Did you know everything The Beatles wrote took just 8 years? Or that Michelangelo spent 4 years painting the Sistine Chapel and 3 years sculpting the seventeen foot tall David? Did you know that Alexander the Great's massive empire expansion took 10 years? And did you know that from conception to opening, Disney World took 6 years to make? Or that the discovery and implementation of nuclear power was just 10 years? And what about the musical artist...