Heres What I Dont Get

Minisode 19 - Advertisement Wars

This Minisode is brought to you by our fine sponsors, please enjoy your ad by choosing your own ad experience. Your choices are.

- Choosing Your Own Ad Experience
- People Who Don't Use Their Turn Signal
- False Advertising

Ads are the worst part of basically everything, they're only meant for women. Often they make zero sense, and the majority of the time it's just white noise while you play on your phone. Advertisers are trying to give you a voice in what you consume thou...

Episode 139 - The Walk of Life

Welcome back to C-SPAN 5’s coverage of Tim the Handlebreaker’s Testimony about his Handle Report. We join Senior Member of HWIDG Tab Birt right….now. Mr. Handlebreaker, I appreciate your giving us your time to help us clarify some of the language in your most recent report. Now, you claim that in this most recent event that you and I quote ‘Were of sound mind and body’ end quote, when this most recent event occurred. But, sir, I have to ask, do you think that anybody of sound body o...

Bonus Episode 33 - Learning is Power!

In a world filled with podcasts that focus only on bitching and moaning a bonus episode stands alone, Here's What I Do Get. With their super human hearts these two men talk about their feelings in a way that is approachable and not unmanly, listen as they diatribe about:

- Bot Accounts
- Watches
- Learning
- School House Rock

In the slog of terrible bot accounts there are a few that rise above and deliver actual humor. TMNT Wikipedia Pages, Dime Store Novels, or Dick Out ...

Episode 138 - My Bodypillow Will Protect Me (ft. Ethan Dudenhoeffer)

Welcome to the Here's What I Don't Get Area 51 Betting Special! In just two months, millions of Americans will do their civic duty in disclosing information and objects found at Area 51. We here at HWIDG understand that many do not have the opportunity or time to attend this specific gathering, so we are offering you our state-of-the-art betting services where you can bet on just what exactly is or isn't found on the base. We've got our most popular bets: the Roswell category including bets o...

What's Wrong with Spaaace Episode 5 Part 2

Transmission Reconnected:

Units 1 of 2 and 2 of 2 are back again and they are finishing what they started. Season 5 of Star Trek: The Next Generation. The second half of season five has some truly great episodes, and we're gonna tell you about them.

Episode 137 - HOGS (ft. kotojack)

Welcome to 80's: The Show on Netflix! Remember Stephen King? Remember The Goonies and Ghostbusters? Remember Dungeons and Dragons? Remember Synthesizers? Remember skateboarding? Remember smoking cigarettes? Remember Motley Crue and Michael Jackson? Remember going to the mall? Remember Russians? Well we've conviniently stuffed them all and more into one TV show ready for you to binge. And if you dont think this is the coolest thing since sliced bread, well you can go to hell. Straight to hell,...

Episode 136 - Ya Dun Goofed

Introducing the HWIDG Quadruple Bypass 5XL Bacon Cheeseburger. No sissy vegetables, just 5 layers of juicy 100% all-beef patties, Wisconsin cheddar cheese, and Applewood-smoked thick-cut peppered bacon. Served with our 128 oz. Freedom Mug with your choice of soft drink float. Don't forget the cement mixer full of loaded fries! Our delicious thin and crispy fries are tossed with Monterey Jack cheese,...

What's Wrong with Spaaace Episode 5 Part 1

Attention Cadets your mission briefing for Season 5 of Star Trek: The Next Generation is finally here. Unit 1 of 2 and 2 of 2 are regenerating and transmitting your orders as we assimilate. Stay tuned for Part 2 coming soon.

Tab and Tim Watch - Ghost in the Shell

It's July and that means one thing. Loving America, and yet you weebs decided we would be better served watching a robot lady fight some anime people. I know less than nothing about this franchise other than everyone was super pissed off that Scarlet Johansen a WHITE woman who puts asses in seats and is part of the biggest movie franchise on the planet was cast to play an ASIAN character. HOW DARE THOSE HOLLYWOOD STUDIOS TRY AND MAKE MONEY. Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to go see Hamilt...

Here's What I Don't Game - E3 2019

Rise up GAYmers and give praise. The lamest E3 in recent history has come and gone. Tim sits down Tab and tells him about all the new games coming in the next few years and why they will or won't suck. Get lost in some tangents about other non gaming stuff. And leave your thoughts on a new $15 tier.

Minisode 18 - 50 Ways to Rip Your Pants

Welcome back Here's What I Don't Get True Believers whis month we're talking about these small pedantic complaints.

- Ripping Your Pants
- Strip Clubs
- "50 Ways to Cook _____" YouTube Videos
- Not Wearing Shoes

It's the baseline cartoon comedic moment, a guy bends over to do something, and boom, his pants rip open and you see his heart boxers. In the real world it's not as funny because it's happened to you. Why would your pants betray you like this, after all the ball f...

Episode 135 - This Is Mark

It’s official, Summer’s here. Time for mosquitoes, beaches, sweat, sweat, and more sweat. It’s all of your least favorite things in one convent package! But! IF you order now, we’ll thrown in the Best Of Summer Pack, which includes: grilling, ice cream, summer blockbusters, and an ice-cold soda. So get your board shorts on, catch some gnarly tubes, and eat some strips and cheese. What’s strips and cheese you ask? Oh boy get ready for a doozy. Strips and cheese is a “world famous�...

Episode 134 - You Can't Fist A Zombie

Some days you just don't feel like you. Back in your 20's you had all the energy in the world! But these days it gets tougher and tougher every day to really let your spouse know how you feel. If your life is missing that special feeling, then it's time to talk to your doctor about Hwidgra. Hwigdra is the world's only FDA-approved rage enhancer. It's like the little blue pill for the voice in the back of your head that wants to let your boss know how much of a screw-up he is, or to give that ...

Bonus Episode 32 - Take Two

Welcome back HWIDG supporters, and to the pirates, I hope someone bites off your privates. This month we're pulling a Scruff McGruff and taking a big ol' bite out of:

- E3
- Grilling
- 4K
- Charting the Journey

Every year we get new video games, and the best time to find out about it? E3. This year was pretty lame, but no doubt the ones in the future will be great and the ones in the past have been great too. It's a chance to get your first glimpse of the games of tomorro...

Episode 133 - Fudgesicles and Baguettes

This week on Unsolved Mysteries…a podcast, known as HWIDG, is under attack by forces from the other side. Or is it something even more sinister? The hosts were recording on a Monday night, as they usually do. When all of a sudden, the inner-most studio door shakes violently. Its inner handle now dangles precariously loose. What sort of demon could be haunting this place? And is it the studio that is haunted, or is it one of the hosts? It’s that. His name is Tim the Handlebreaker. Why is t...

Tab and Tim Watch - The Matrix

It's June and finally I had some time to open my computer again to edit this commentary. This month Tim and I sit down to watch a movie that shaped the 2000s like no other movie could. The Matrix. We talk about the sequels and the effects and how we got into our leather fetishes. Who didn't get to dress up as Neo for Halloween? Do you remember the Rad packaging for the original DVD? Why do the lights come on halfway through? Find out when you strap on your PVC bodysuit and watch The Matrix wi...

Episode 132 - Dame Julie Andrews the Machine Gun

Welcome to HWIDG's Believe It Or Not! Tonight we tackle the mysterious case of “bag-fling". This forbidden martial art has popped up many times throughout history, and each time, the legends around it... have only gotten deadlier. The earliest record of bag-fling was actually known by a different name, “Osshet” which we believe was the name of its founder, and ancient Mayan warrior. Legend has it that this defensive but deadly fighting style was discovered by him…on accident. One day ...

Episode 131 - Dragonfly Armor

Hey there folks! We know it's been a rough few months since launch, but we're still hard at work over here at HWIDG Studios to give you guys the best experience that PODCAST: THE GAME can be. So, here's the list of updates we're rolling out today to address some issues that have popped up since the Season Four update.

OPENING
We've completely overhauled the beginning of the game to coincide with the "Flood" update. You'll see that the whole starting area is now underwater, giving yo...

Episode 130 - Jalapeño Cappuccino Ice Cream

Dearly beloved we are gathered here today at HWIDG Ministries to finally wish farewell to our console brother, the OUYA. Let him serve as a warning to any start-up company thinking they can infiltrate the market and grab a slice of the pie despite us already having eaten. From his dumb curved box shape, to his flimsy, terrible, terrible controller, but most of all his thought that people would want to play mobile phone games on their televisions. He was not a smart man. But, he brought us lau...

Bonus Episode 31 - Finish Him!

Welcome back HWIDG Patrons to this month's bonus episode. We just finished seeing John Wick 3 and it's great. After we finish adoring all things Keanu Reeves we're discussing these great pleasures.

Going Cold Turkey
Working with Your Hands
Mortal Kombat
Heads Up Displays

Being a quitter, some folks need to ween themselves off an addiction but not you. No you're going COLD TURKEY. That's right you're dropping it like it's 2013 and JJ Abrams just got announced as the new di...

Episode 129 - Buy A Shirt!

Hello and welcome to the Grand Opening of Here’s What I Don’t Wear! We’ve got all of your favorite brands at low, low prices! JNCO, Punitive Efficiency, GAP, Controllers on PC, The North Face, Non-Profits, FUBU, Bringing Back a Franchise to Fit Something Popular, Reebok, and more! Come in for our Early Bird 5 AM specials and receive a special kick-in-the-pants-because-we-aren’t-open-that-early-what’s-wrong-with-you! Plus, HWIDW Card members receive double rewards points every Saturd...

Episode 128 - Son of a Biscuit (ft. Joel Chaco)

 Whenever there's danger of any kind, from cats in trees, to a spilled double double at the Timmie's, the HWIDG Mounted Brigade is there to help! Officers of her majesty, they enter into the most dangerous situations! Whether it's a burning Kraft Dinner, or a rampaging moose, our officers are ready to deal with it all. From Newfoundland to Vancouver, and everywhere between, these men and women are ready to protect all Canucks, unless there's hockey on. Then, you'll have to deal with thes...

What's Wrong with Spaaace? - Episode 4 Part 2

Welcome back to season 4 of TNG. We're wrapping this season up with some of the best episodes in TNG history and some of the worst reasons why Counselor Troi is on the show. Tim has some strong thoughts on these and we're not sure what he's going to watch next! Stay tuned for Season 5 coming soon?

Episode 127 - Accapella

Welcome to the HWIDG open mic comedy night! You get 5 minutes, and if the crowd is over 50% unsatisfied with your performance, you get shot in the head! Don't forget to tip your bartender and a reminder that we have our crowdfunding jar over there by the bathrooms to get Carrot Top to come join us here! Alright let's have some laughs, first up is Mike Rondell!

* Bad Comedy
* Party Poopers
* Pick and Choose Spoilers
...

Tab and Tim Watch - John Wick 2

It's May HWIDG fans and that means John Wick 3 is 16 days away. What better way to say please don't kill me with a pencil than watching John Wick 2 for the dozenth time. John Wick is back to fulfill a debt, a blood oath, and he's got the weapons and tailors to do it.

Minisode 17 - The Phantom Zone

After thanos snapped, the world hasn't been the same, but we have a plan to make a counter Infinity Gauntlet we just need to get these last four stones.

- Scheduled Delivery
- Not Being Acknowledged
- Fast Seasons
- Non-Complainers

The Scheduled Delivery stone's power is annoying the customer by delaying gratification on a timed schedule instead of just getting the delivery over with. It's said no one has ever been able to get their hands on this stone, because on the day...

What's Wrong with Spaaace? - Episode 4 Part 1

Tim and I sit down to discuss the first half of TNG season 4, who will be the captain, who will be the first mate. Who gets The First Dutied into a totally not the same character role on Voyager? Listen to find out!

Road Through Infinity War - Episode 22 - Endgame Predictions

Warning: This episode is better as a post mortem to see if what we thought was right or not. I highly suggest you listen to this after seeing Endgame and not before.

It's time folks, if your podcast app is updating it means that Tim and I are in the theater watching Endgame right now. In this Penultimate episode of Road Through Infinity War Tim, Todd, and I sit down to discuss what we think may or may not happen in the conclusion of the MCU. Who will Price is R...

Episode 126 - A Bunch of Lesbians (ft. JP & Grant from The Dickheads Podcast)

Summer is Coming. On the final season of Game of HWIDG no one is safe. Watch as approximately 4,562 plotlines converge and people are crossed, double crossed, backstabbed and frontstabbed. Aren't watching? What's wrong with you? Are you living under a rock? Everyone's doing it. It makes you look cool, c'mon. Just try it. Just a lil bit. Be a man. No? Alright then have fun with your:

* Instant Gratification
* Warning Labels
* Pronouns
* Easter Grass

Now. That's when I wan...

Road Through Infinity War - Episode 21 - Captain Marvel

This is the penulitmate episode of Road Through Infinity War. Captain Marvel brings us Brie Larson the most boring, bland, flat, lame character of the Marvel Universe. In a film where the child actor out shines you, you have to really suck. Join Nick Fury, a Cat, and Carol DanVERS as they fight the Skrull Menace. Oh wait, it's actually the Kree who are bad, you know the bad guys from Guardians of the Galaxy, go figure they are still bad guys even in a prequel. In what is sure...