Heres What I Dont Get

Episode 86 - Sweater Swirl Brain Freeze

And as we finish this time capsule of 2064, to be opened in 100 years, we place in it an audio recording once thought lost: Episode 86 of the podcast know as Here's What I Don't Get. The rage fueled diatribes of host Tab, later known as The Supreme Killdozer, gave us unprecedented insight into serial killers. The calm, puzzling demeanor of co-host Handlebreaker gave us insight as well. Insight into a tech visionary, and the creator of the now standard handle-less door. These two men shaped the w...

Bonus Episode 21 - The Great Chili Debate

This month we've got these exciting do gets!

- Salsa
- Chili
- 40 Hours
- Rain

Quickly becoming the leading condiment on Earth Salsa is like ketchup, but for Mexican food, and has many different flavors. I guarantee out there somewhere is a Salsa for you. I think I am going to create an online dating website for Salsa, then one for Whiskey.

Hotly contested second Do Get this month. Chili, one host loves it, and one host hates it. Is this the end of HWIDG?

Bouncing o...

Episode 85 - New Vegas Statues

You've won! An all-expenses paid getaway to HWIDG Island! Enjoy the tropical beaches, where the sand is filled with broken glass and used needles, and the water is definitely not infested with mutant sharks. Rest in one of our many resort hotels, complete with scummy pools and even scummier sheets. Savor the local cuisine, including such dishes as:

* Minimalism
* 40 Hours
* Waking Up
* New Math

Let me tell you about minimalism. Minimalism is about maximizing the usage of your ...

Tab and Tim Watch - DOUBLE BONUS - The Ladykillers

What is my favorite movie of all time. Tom Hank's 2004 incredible role as Golthwait Higginson Dorr PhD a mastermind of the heist of the century. Watch this fuckin movie, it's literally the best thing the Cohens have ever done. Then get ready to watch it again, because I hit play immediately after watching this movie.

Episode 84 - Sweaty Used Hats

Whoa there brother, slow your roll. You're messing with the most American™ formerly international podcast around, HWIDG®. You step up to us on this, our most hallowed day? The day to end all days?! The day represented by red, the color of the blood we shed? And by blue, the color of the blood we shed before we shed it? And by white, the color of the cells in said shed blood? Back down brother, or you'll wind up like these puny issues:

- Communism
- Coke Freestyle Machines
- Flag ...

Tab and Tim Watch - Independence Day (ft. Truckin and Tuckin)

This month features the greatest american story ever told. The 1996 BTFO of a bunch of hentai aliens from the planet fuck off. In a movie that peaked Jeff Goldblum, Sky Rocketed Will Smith, Features Jayne Cobb before the Cobb, and stars the greatest movie extra the world has ever seen. Independence Day should be your most beloved American tradition.

We also bring in our long time friend Truckin and Tuckin who we've talked about on the show. How long does it take, and who is the first one ...

Ask Uncle Buck Ep 04 (Ft. Nick Rekieta)

Professional lawsplainer Nick Rekieta joins me this month to ask the burning questions that YOU want answered!

Minisode 8 - Tweet Tweet Pop Pop

This month these tiny issues annoy us.
- Grass
- Watered Down Fruit
- Birds
- Not getting the pop
- Yoga

Episode 83 - Bootleg Hotdog Water

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY! Only on Sunday can you catch X-Treme HWIDG! Watch as they fly through the air and crush issues with their bare hands! Adult tickets are 8 dollars advance, 10 at the gate, kids' tickets are free with purchase of one adult tickets. Concessions are half price for seniors. That's right! Only 21 dollars for a Hot Dog Water! Come grab one and see if these issues can stand the heat:

- Our System is Down
- Future Tech
- Notifications
- Off Weekends

Society is scre...

Ep 82 - A Febreze Bottle Full of Vodka

Four Issues, only one winner. Welcome back to the International Here’s What I Don’t Get Cup, where finest issues from all around the world come to do battle. That’s right Russ, and tonight we’re down to the semifinals of this competition, where the last four issues are going head to head, just like the heroes of Battle For Earth 3: Devastation, in theaters now! And, before we get to tonight’s first match we’re proud to present a 45 minute experimental dance routine brought to you by ...

Bonus Episode 20

This month on Here's what I do get.

Getting Back to Work
Steam's new content policy
Meat
Garbage Collection

Episode 81 - The End of an Era

Welcome to St. Here's What I Don't Get's today as we gather here to celebrate the life and mourn the death of these four issues. Now, these issues were never the best members of society, we can all agree. But, they lived truthfully and on their own terms which is something that the rest of us can only strive for. Now, I'd ask a member of the family to come up and AHHHHHGGGGGGHHH IT'S ALIVE! IT'S BITING ME, KILL IT! KILL IT!!!!

-Other People on Drugs
-Smartwatches
-Spoilers
-The S...

Episode 80 - New Mic, Who Dis?

Your mission Agent Here's What I Don't Get, should you choose to accept it, is to take down an extremist sect of the terrorist organization known as I.S.S.U.E.S. These are well known radicals that will not hesitate to put you down so you must act swiftly and without prejudice. The names of their four lieutenants are as follows:

- Movies and Shows leaving streaming services
- McDonald's
- Other People Driving
- Sweatpants 

It's a cold winter's night. You've been at work all...

Tab and Tim Watch - Bloodsport

The results are in and Bloodsport is this month's winner. A movie that Tab has never seen and Tim hasn't seen in a long time. Bloodsport brings back the best of the 80s! Stereotypical honor minded oriental characters, easy casual sex with reporters, endearing bromance, and most of all a simple plot that explains itself in 20 minutes, and the rest of the film can just be awesome fights. What isn't there to love. So sit back and enjoy this month's Bloodsport commentary.

Episode 79 - Worst Night Court Cosplay (ft. Tony from Hack the Movies)

Here's What I Don't Get, a podcast. A show barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild it. We have the technology. Combining it with Tony from Hack the Movies, we have the capability to create the world's first bionic podcast. Better than it was before. Better, stronger issues like:

- Graduation
- The Social Justice Droid from Solo
- Allergies

Pomp and Circumstance, that dumb Vitamin C song, having to send invitations to people that will never come but will send you a check for 10 dol...

Ask Uncle Buck Ep3 Extras

Peek behind the curtain of HWIDG with some pre-show banter!  Why does Tab have pizza?  Who gave Buck the creeps?  How do you clean a soldering iron?  Find out inside!

Ask Uncle Buck Episode 3 (ft Tab Birt)

If you miss that "season 2" vibe, then Buck-le up, because Tab joins me as the guest moderator, and wow was it fun!

Minisode 7 - Little Women

Welcome to the final bonus bits for this month.

- Windows Notifications
- No Mens Dish Gloves
- Lack of Backup Shopping Baskets
- Small Monsters
- Flys

Hey, it's Windows Here. I need to tell you about this important Bonus Episode that just released on HWIDG!

Maybe you're a sensitive man, not wanting to have a bunch of chemicals directly on your skin. Well fuck you because latex gloves, are the only thing on earth that are safe for women, and fuck you for trying to co-op...

Episode 78 - Bones and Cobs

Okay folks, for my first trick I'll need a volunteer from the audience. Anybody? Yes,  you sir! Come on up. Okay, hold this hat please. Reach in. Nothing, yes? Now, I say the magical phrase "Here's What I Don't Get" and..... Abracadabra it's four magical issues!

* Fort Knox-Level Account Security
* My Culture is not your Viral Marketing
* Bones in Food
* Rush Hour

Let's get a heist crew together and break into Tab's ISP account. We'll need the world's experts and probably ...

Episode 77 - Rocket Elevators

Apologies upfront, we had an issue with Tim's gate in the new studio setup. It's fixed for next week. Sorry guys.

Hundreds of years ago, on the island of Here's What I Don't Get, an American nuclear test went horribly wrong. The blast triggered a dormant volcano, whose lava was then irradiated. Nearly all life on the island was wiped out, except for four species of animal that were transformed by the accident into hideous creatures known as:

* Being Outside
* Hospitals
* Han...

Bonus Episode 19 - Water Heater Hacks

The heat is on, folks. On the stove, in the sky, oppressing the ones you love with it's sweltering radiance. Here at Here's What I Don't Get, we're trying to keep cool by any means necessary, cold showers, popsicles, the works. We find what works best is sticking the following do gets in the freezer for about 15 minutes:

- Hot Water
- Cooking Competition shows
- Bullying
- Getting rid of things

Due to the amount of rage Tab has to deal with, he often comes home from a long day ...

Episode 76 - #GroundhogsToo

OKAY LOOK, I DONT HAVE MUCH TIME TO EXPLAIN, BUT THIS EPISODE OF HERE'S WHAT I DON'T GET IS COMING IN HOT! IF I DONT KEEP THIS BABY UNDER 70 MILES AN HOUR IT'S GONNA BLOW US ALL TO HELL. GET OUTTA THE WAY! HERE'S THIS WEEK'S ISSUES!

* Funko Pops
* Birthdays
* Summer
* The Useless Things Taught in Schools

Funko Pop? More like Funko Poop. I hear if you look into a bathroom mirror while holding one and say “Wow, look at me I’m so nerdy” three times, Will Wheaton will show up...

Road To Infinity War - Episode 10 - Guardians of the Galaxy

Tim joins me for this thrilling recap of what may be the most fun movie of the MCU. I know Infinity War is out, but I'll keep powering through these until the end with a big recap of Infinity War at the end.

Tab and Tim Watch: Tucker and Dale vs Evil

It was a close call in the voting this month and we had to actually go deep into the rankings to figure out a clear winner. So we will be updating the votes for a ranked choice vote point system. The winner with 82 points for May was Tucker and Dale vs Evil a movie half of us have seen. It actually turns out really good, we both enjoyed it and you will too. Thanks for supporting the show this month and don't forget to sub...

Episode 75 - Jedi Master Fozzy Bear (ft. Uncle Buck)

Well, well, well. Looks like we’ve got ourselves some trouble in this little town. Seems like Sheriff Here’s What I Don’t Get doesn’t like the Buck gang hanging’ ‘round these parts. We ain’t got no love for you ourselves lawman. Guess we’re gonna have to settle this the ol’ fashioned way. Get ready, Sheriff. It’s you and your deputies versus me and my men:

* Age Gates
* Faked Authority
* Star Wars

BEWARE YE WHO ENTER THIS PLACE. ’TIS A LAND OF VIOLENCE, ALCO...

Minisode 6 - Patreon, We Shrunk Ourselves

Sliding in at the last second is April's Minisode where we discuss these minor issues.

- The Room
- The Premature Nod Off
- People That Don't Eat Pizza Crusts
- The Inconsistency of Movie Popcorn
- Post Movie Shoes
- The 45 Minute Snow Day Make Up

What may be the most boring movie ever made, The Room. Why do people watch this movie? Ironically? No you're all idiots this movie is bad, and you should feel bad, it puts me to sleep.

Putting me to sleep, well that is ou...

Episode 74 - Beer Face

100 criminals. 100 parachutes. 1 island. The event of a lifetime: Here's What I Don't Get Royale. Watch as hardened criminals bash each other's faces in for the chance at freedom, blow each other up with improvised bombs, and behead one another with glee. But watch out! There's kill zones, where their neck implants explode if they enter, genetically modified killer beasts lurking in the jungle, but worst of all.............these issues:

* Blowing your Second Chance
* The Royal Family C...

Buckin' Around Episode 6

Buck gets pissed off at a coworker and makes his boss crack up.

BONUS pre-show chatter from AUB S2E2

A few minutes of catch up banter between Chaco and Buck.  A few laughs, and a behind-the-curtain explanation.

Episode 73 - Gotta Captcha 'Em All

The year is 20XX. Machines have taken over the world. The human resistance Here’s What I Don’t Get has been forced into the subway tunnels underneath New York City. They thought they were safe down there. They were wrong. One day while searching the subway, they came across an odd room. Filled with empty pizza boxes, skateboards, and martial arts equipment, they had stumbled upon a lair. From the back room four shadowy figures emerged, weapons raised. The resistance had found what they neede...