ernaburn

The Crush

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More from Paris

I have so many photos I still haven't shared from this trip! Including a huge nude set coming next ; ) 

From blue to red...

Photos by Erin Mae, on film. She's only on Twitter now, no instagram.

I wrote a really heavy, long entry then decided to save it for another time perhaps. I want this place to be...a place of beauty and truth and sure, sometimes ugliness and darkness too. But it may be too much for people who just want to see boobs today, haha.

Entering my reverse seasonal depression phase...don't mind me.  Call it restlessness.

Wishing I wore makeup for this shoot, but I guess somethin...

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That's all ; ) 

Moody

This week has been one of those weeks when I ask myself why I'm doing this. 

Working harder for less, feeling burnt out and uninspired.  There are Ai deepfakes looming ahead, inflation nobody can keep up with, and a growing bodycount of people I've burned bridges with in this city (aka boundaries).

This week I was thinking about this color...a certain shade of blue. A kind of artificial cobalt, one that cannot occur in nature - the kind of blue on the sparkly vinyl seats...

Polaroid Emulsion Lifts

I'm also making a process video so you can see how these are made.  Some are on expired film and shot on a vintage camera, some with newer film on a newer camera.

Amber glow

On film again by Louie Salto.  Kodak ektar100, in Paris

Hasselblad Portraits - quick post

Louie Salto aka @louielumiere on IG took these on a Hasselblad on my hotel balcony in Paris! 

We also shot a bunch of different lingerie that day, so more coming in a few days.  Enjoy your weekend

Featuring Finn

He loves getting in my photos!  

Also here's a fresh OF link if you need.  Business is down 20% on there, times are tough : / I feel like I'm working harder for less these days, but I try not to take it personally because it really is a hard time financially for a lot of people.  Inflation is crazy, weather is nice and people are outside, Covid isolation has calmed down.  Anyways, appreciate your support as always - you keep me going!

2023-05-28 16:06:26 +0000 UTC View Post

Experimental

experimental self portaits 

Notes on Paris

I want to tell you more about this Paris trip. But the story actually starts long ago, long before any of you ever knew me.

However, I am writing a book - so I don't want to give it all away just yet. Let it suffice to say, it's not my first time feeling completely alone in Europe. Not my second time either, but actually my third.

My European travels continue to have a gently sad nostalgia. Without getting into a very long story just yet, the first time is an especially wild tale ...

Alone in Paris

This is what it looks like.

Photos by @andrecelinephotographie 

I was recommended to work with her from one of you ; ) Thank you!  Many more shots coming from our day together.  I love how different her work is than anything I have done before...I ended up gifting her this top because she loved it so much.  So perhaps you'll see it on her or another model she works with!

Hold pls

Thank you for your patience as I've been on a whirlwind trip in Paris, rushing to photo shoots and dinners and trying to walk around and see art in between bouts of rain.

I was supposed to come with someone to help photograph me, but...sadly they had to cancel last minute. So it's been difficult to manage self portraits without a tripod (and with jet lag), but I'm taking selfies when I can and shooting with some amazing photographers I was able to connect with here.

Much more to c...

Chilly morning at Seneca Lake

Prepare yourself

Ladies and gentleman, Dr. M.  She prefers to censor and I respect her wishes ; )

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Incapacitated

My first time being tied up...

Viewing shibari in photo and videos is one thing, seeing it performed live is another.  Experiencing it first hand is a very special moment indeed. If you've ever gotten to see a performance, it very tender in a surprising way - especially considering the history behind the practice.

Watch this for some background info (also follow Marie Sauvage):
2023-04-25 19:42:06 +0000 UTC View Post

Featuring Dr. M

Including me trying to be as short as her so our butts line up...

If you're not familiar, she's Dr. M aka @drmthesciencefemme on Instagram and on Patreon. We met through a friend when I first moved back to NYC from LA, and after nerding out together about psilocybin at a party, we instantly hit it off.

Using her doctorate in science, Dr. M's Instagram (and swiftly deleted TikTok smh) accounts focus on delivering useful scientific information - complete with references of studies t...

Just a lot of photos of my butt.

I've been feeling better lately (besides having an annoying seasonal sinus infection!). But, I mean mentally.  I feel more confident, beautiful, powerful. I am enjoying the sudden summer weather, cuddling my cat in the mornings, meeting friends under cherry blossoms in the park.

I discovered a new bus line that goes upstate (as well as to CT and MA!) and opens up a ton of new options to access nature without a car this summer. The Metro North train is great too, but I love the opti...

VIVA

This vintage women's magazine from the 1970s called Viva has been inspiring me lately.  It was an "international women's sex magazine" that ran for about 12 years.  Apparently they could never quite commit to showing D or not, which is kind of funny. Towards the end, it became more of a Good Housekeeping style mag with home decor tips etc, and no longer focused on women's sensuality.  I can't share more image of the inside pages with you here (all these platforms use Ai to dete...

Changes

When I get restless, I write about it on here.

When I get restless, I am pushed to make changes...so it's not exactly a bad thing.  Even though my writing sounds very discontent, it really does push me to figure out a better way of working and living.

This week I went back to working part time in a design office doing consulting/design work for a lingerie brand I admire.  It's been 3 years since I quit my full time fashion design job to model / content creation full time...

Best of Both Worlds? + OF link

I don't shoot a lot of black & white, but I thought these were kind of slick. Which do you prefer?

Thank you, by the way, for letting me vent a lot here lately.  I really appreciate that you care.

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Craving peace

I've been doing this for a long time. Modeling for 16 years, being a "creator" for 7. Full-time independent artist for 3.

All around me I have watched others get excited by what they think is easy money, I watch them think they can become an overnight success. I watch them fight their way to come up in this world. Then some of them come into my sphere, and make requests to use me. Use my advice, my name, use my followers, my apartment, my body. "Friends" or "Creators," they call themse...

just one photo & some thoughts

I talked a bit about this on Instagram this week, but I'm having a bit of an existential crisis. I think I've really been in denial about this ADHD diagnosis, and I need to write some things down.

I just started taking medication last fall, and then a national shortage hit. I thought I was fine without it, but I've been so stressed and anxious lately. I've been crying a lot, which I never do. I've been experiencing a lot of intense anxiety symptoms. So today I took one from my emergency...

Blue Velvet Part 1

Maybe I draw a lot of inspiration from my surroundings...from furniture, from light, plants, etc. Finding new ways to shoot my apartment has also been really fun.  And this sofa has history...it was used one of the first times I photographed someone else, in April 2020. I've included a shot from that at the end.

The person who owned the studio and sofa was someone I met through a sex-positive club here in NYC.  We went on a couple dates, but ultimately became friends and helpe...

Tax Season

Sorry I've been quiet, I'm drowning in data and expense reports.  They really make it harder for a freelancer / independent artist.  The last few years I paid insane self-employment taxes, but this year I created an LLC (yay). There are many hoops to jump through however, and I am hopping along now.  My month of social respite  was refreshing, but I could have /should have used that quiet time to do this. But I'm so so good at procrastinating...

Wish me luck!

I love these so much...

Here's the thing.  I lost my main account on Instagram at 241k. Now I'm watching all these other redhead models around me with 100k etc and feeling that urge to be in the rat race again.  But why?  Numbers don't define me.  Could I post a bunch of thong wedgie photos and stripper-wear thirst traps?  I could, I would get followers.  But this...this is more what I like.  Art with the female form.  

Anyways that's all : P

Female gaze

feeling raw + free OF link

For the month of February, I am saying no.  No to shoots, no to social gatherings.  No to favors, requests, bookings.  No to endless scrolling, dinners out, wearing makeup. I am saying no to distractions.  I am reading, I am drawing, I am eating healthy home-cooked food.  I am not playing the game, or running the rat race. Just days in I already feel more inspired.

On my first day of this hiatus, 5 people texted me inviting me to do things, or asking for help or...

Soft

With Valerina Kalabina

this is a reminder to take down your christmas tree

if you haven't already ;P