therealprettyboygirl

My Postmodern Marxist Agenda

Through the years I’ve touched a lot of people, pun intended. I’ve had conversations with men about masculinity, sexual dysfunction, mental health and mental illness, suicide, stigma, gender expression, and of course, sex work. Sometimes I wish I could discriminate against people with conservative belief systems, but I don’t really have that privilege. It’s hard gaining ground when a person's baseline belief system doesn’t value my life, my right to bodily autonomy, the histories of...

Working the Super Bowl

I joined a PMDD support group. I haven’t been formally diagnosed with premenstrual dysphoric disorder, but I know that every month for a week or more prior to my period my skin crawls, I lose sleep to insomnia, my thinking gets blurry, I lose my ability to temperature regulate, my breasts swell with discernable cysts, and a slew of other chronic symptoms. I also know that the medical profession is woefully ignorant of a lot of menstruation-related disorders and most doctors only prescribe b...

This Is It

“You finally came over to me. I’ve been waiting to talk to you for months now.”

I looked at the man, not recognizing his face. He was round and hairy. His belly was hard as I leaned against him, trying not to grimace as the stench of his breath lingered in my nostrils. He seemed sweet. He opened his phone briefly to check the score on a football game, revealing his background: an elderly man and woman standing together beside a green garden wall covered in ivy.

2022-02-14 03:26:06 +0000 UTC View Post

From the Vault: A Danny Story

hi everyone, i took a week to travel. i will have a lovely new story this week, but for now, here is a danny story throw back.

It had been so long since I’d seen Danny. What had once been a monthly occurrence, abruptly stopped. In previous entries I’d mentioned that Danny had caught and recovered from covid-19. In the interim America opened up enough that he could travel to LA for business again. He’d been holed up in New York since the start...

I. Love? You?

“You’re getting antsy? Okay, I gotta go to the bathroom first and then we can go to the back.”

He made no move to go to the restroom, so I stood, and looked down at him expectantly.

“What’s your rush? I’m going.”

He attempted to push himself up, but struggled. I instinctively reached out to help him up. It was a bit pitiful to witness, but he swatted my hand away.

“I got it! I’m okay,” he shakily stood and...

Touch My Nose pt. 1

The slow season can force even the most spoiled strippers to put their pickiness aside and talk to the oddball customer they might not have spoken to otherwise. When you’re sitting in a club for hours without a single customer to keep you busy, just killing time pondering how you got here and how bad the night might be, even the regular who you know is extra work starts to look tempting. I was in this boat on Thursday. I was worried if I sat around idly any longer I might just re...

Dry January pt. 2

I want to say that *Not All People In Colorado Are Racist*, but a group of White people in camo jackets from Colorado miiiiiiiight just be racist. I gauge whether or not White customers are racist based on whether or not they tip Black dancers less than White dancers performing equally complex routines. The Colorado group did not pass the vibe check. They definitely were stingy with the Black strippers. If I’d been doing worse that night, I might have made the mistake of taking their bigote...

The Holiday Dry Spell pt. 1

I love xmas in spite of being a staunch atheist. It’s a magical time of year, rich with the remnants of pagan solstice traditions. There’s nothing further away from baby Jesus lying in a manger somewhere in the ancient Middle East than a home intruder in a red velvet matching set sneaking in to place presents under an evergreen tree. Snow, reindeer, all these frosty Northern European traditions obviously have nothing to do with celebrating a bygone savior’s birthday, and perhaps that’...

teaser: top secret comic illustrated by yudori

yudori and i are working on a graphic novel. here is a sneak peak of the work. yudori is such an incredibly talented artist and i’m so stoked to be a character in her world. more to come in the new year. for now, happy 2022 ✨

What Does Strippers United Do?

It took me a week to finally look at the Flaunt Magazine spread I orchestrated. I felt like I was once again stepping into the lineage of sex workers who have fucked their way to the top, even if I didn’t necessarily have to fuck my way into this opportunity. After a year of work on a variety of projects, I’m finally reaching the finish lines. The new strippersunited.org site is up and functional, and it’s rocking the new logo I commissioned (all of this thanks to help from Evan). I als...

Writer’s Block Post

For the first time in a while, I had a moment of writer’s block. All this week I’ve tossed around ideas of what this entry should be, and come out with jack shit. It’s not that my life as a pampered whore has been less interesting this week, nor is it that I don’t have a laundry list of writing assignments to complete, but I haven’t been able to distill anything into something worth writing.

The strip club has been empty: not just lacking in clients but also lacking...

Tips for the house and for the use of my body

Rose came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist as she gave me a peck on the cheek.

“How are you?” she asked.

“I’m good! How’s it been today?”

“Slow, but not bad.”

“What time did you get here?”

“Around 3, but I spent a while on the patio just zoning out on my phone. Suddenly, I snapped out of it and realized an hour had passed,” she chuckled.

I took off my ...

A Love For Men

It’s the holiday season and while I am anti-Thanksgiving, I am pro having national days off because working is a scam. I took as much time as I could away from the work I do; partially because of the holiday, partially because my period was ravaging my body and I’m beholden to it for now. There may come a time when I’m ready to consider *endometrial ablation, but for now, the question of whether or not my uterus has a use is TBD.

***minor detour***

You...

Not Enough Strippers

It was 8pm on a Thursday, which is a special hour. Neither early enough for the dayshift gyals, nor late enough for the night shift strippers: 8pm at the strip club is a notoriously sleepy hour. A few strippers lounged on the vacant VIP couches, waiting like beached mermaids for a customer to walk in, worthy of putting away their phones. The rest hid away on the smoking patio or in their cars, sneaking a quick nap before the 11p rush.

I took one of the VIP couches facing the...

Casting Couch pt.2

“Excellent! Do you mind if we start recording now?”

“Let’s do it!”

Jeff hurried out of the frame and Spencer hit record. Candy watched the little red light blink, indicating they had begun.

“What’s your name, beautiful?”

“Candy.”

“Because she’s sweet like candy! Bet she tastes just like candy too,” Jeff said, cutting in.

“And how old are you?”

�...

Candy and the Casting Couch pt. 1

Candy consulted her phone to see if she had the right address. She stood in front of the glass double doors of an innocuous business in the middle of a strip mall with little more than the address number signaling that this was it. She checked her reflection. She’d straightened her long dark hair and parted it in the middle, hoping to evoke a bit of Cher in her youth and the unbridled abandon of the Summer of Love. Her thighs stuck together under a tight jersey sundress, sweat collecting in...

A Natural Woman

Wednesday was the annual stripper Halloween party at my club. If you’ve never visited a strip club around Halloween, you’re missing out. Strippers love to dress up. We’re the entire reason for the Leg Avenue brand, co-opted by sluts who want to be us for a night. Sexy nurses and Playboy bunnies with butt-plug tails abound. There were a few outliers: one being a White dancer who dressed up as something like an indigenous witch doctor with a bone through her nose, a belt of bones around h...

The Crazy Russian

Tiger and Rat pulled up to the chain link fence surrounding what was formerly The Crazy Russian. As is the case with most strip clubs, there were no windows, just two front doors covered by tattered awnings, and a set of back double doors painted to blend in with the walls. A faded coat of scarlet red paint covered the building, punctuated by graffiti throw-ups. It didn’t appear that anybody was keeping watch over the property. Even the “For Sale” sign was drawn over, marked with chaoti...

The consultant, the doctor, business tips, a cup of pineapple juice, a baggie of blow, a diaper, and a limp penis

this is a throwback post because i’m on vacation

I didn’t think about making any additional money after Marcus left. I decided to take a dinner break and see if I could soft sell one last dance set. If it didn’t happen, I wasn’t losing anything. I took a seat at the bar and the German coke head consultant plopped down beside me. Earlier, I’d watched him from the other side of the one way glass of the half-hour room. He was jittery, talking to Lelo excitedly with a p...

The Memorable Mr. Solano

“I want you to remember me.” Mr. Solano said as he hugged me tightly against him.

He was certainly memorable, but not in the way he wanted. Solano had become a regular a few months ago. It was one of those connections I hadn’t expected to be lasting. It was during a stage dance I performed early one Tuesday evening that he and I locked eyes. I knew he wanted to talk to me, but he didn’t look like money to me. He looked like a three-song-set kind of man, which is great...

Meditation on Lap Dances

Hi everyone,

I’m about to take a little vacation. I’m planning to write an entry for next week, then I’ll be bringing back one from the vault the following week so that I can avoid completely losing my mind. I’m super burned out, but trying my best to hold up.

For this week, I thought I would share a meandering meditation. I hope it’s not total garbage. Thank you all for your support and for giving me wiggle room to be human.

xo

An End To War: Finale

One evening Juan came in, his face ashen as if he’d seen a ghost.

“Is everything okay?” I asked, ushering him to an empty table.

“Not really.” He replied.

Juan checked the time, frustration evident in his furrowed brow.

“Do you mind if we go straight to the back? My next pickup is in an hour, and I don’t want to rush.”

“Of course. Let’s do it.”

We took a booth and he san...

An End To War pt 4: A Pretty *Woman*

apologies for the late post y’all. i’ve been in a bit of quicksand with endless deadlines. thank you for supporting me and my work.

He thought I was worried about physical violence, but it wasn’t that. I wasn’t worried about people hurting him. Juan is a formidable man. It was more about how little I wanted to facilitate a situation where people joke about “cross dressing” or “men in dresses” i.e. trans women. It’s a slippery slope, and the strip club is not...

An End To War: Pt 3

From that night on, Juan began visiting me every Tuesday. It was like Tuesdays with Morrie, except with less dying and more tits and twerking.

We would alternate between dancing and talking depending on the mood. The flow was easy and never judgmental in either direction. Sometimes you want a dance. Sometimes you want to talk.

Sometimes as my relationship with a customer grows more intimate things begin to change. I mean intimate in the sense of getting to ...

An End to War Pt 2: Tuesdays with Selena

I hoped he would recognize me and save me the trouble of anxiously searching the unremarkable array of men in the club, with the hope that seeing him might jog my memory. I’ve flubbed a customer relationship this way before. I forgot what a man looked like, and he left without revealing himself to me. I kicked myself, but it’s not easy keeping them straight. All men look alike after a while. Thankfully, this time I recognized him as soon as he came in.

He’s larger, with...

An End To War - Pt. 1

My partner and I watched the news of the fall of Afghanistan to Taliban rule with a combination of horror and a sense of woeful irony. The chaotic end of the decades-long war was no surprise. The blatant disregard for the Afghans who had served alongside US soldiers was tragic, but on brand. When Biden promised it wouldn’t be like Vietnam, it was already evident it would be exactly like Vietnam, if not worse, with military helicopters fleeing the scene and airports flooded by people trying ...

Abe

hey everyone, i’m catching up on some projects. here is a story from before the pandemic. and here are some pics from my gyno visit. shoutout to speculums everywhere.

I was lounging beside one of the VIP booths after a series of dances taking a break. When I noticed a black man standing nearby in a white undershirt and slacks. I hadn’t considered talking to him because it struck me as strange that he would show up to the strip club without a proper shirt. But he leaned in...

A [Redacted] Story pt. 2

“You could get me a cappuccino!” Jeremy said, cutting in.

“And two more of these, and one more of whatever this guy is drinking.” David said, pointing to the empty cocktail glasses scattered across the table.

“Coming right up.” The waiter replied.

“Where are you from, Luis?” Jeremy asked, suddenly interested in the man attending to our table.

Luis spoke with a heavy Spanish accent, but I hadn’t clocked it un...

A [Redacted] Story

It had been months since I’d seen Jeremy in person between him living across the country and the pandemic shutting down all of his normal excuses to pop by for the special kind of attention only I could provide. I’d thought about him in passing, particularly as I passed our old haunts, although those opportunities had significantly diminished with the city shut down. I had fewer and fewer reasons to leave the five mile radius around my house, let alone to make the trek out to B...

No More Fire Escapes

Jeff unloaded the first aid kit on the bed beside Rat.

“Do you need ibuprofen or something?” He asked, patting Rat’s hand.

“The doc gave me some Oxy, so I’m good.” Rat replied.

“Lilith, please be careful with that stuff. I don’t want to see you getting hooked on anything.”

“You worry too much. I don’t even like narcotics that much. I’m a stoner above all.”

“You smoke weed?” Jeff ...