Look. I’m lucky enough to get to write a column here twice a month. That’s twenty-four chances a year to connect with another human being on this rock-afire ball of mud, and those opportunities have become precious to me - so something has been pricking at my conscience. Last month, as you may know, I had need of some startling and ripped-from-the-headlines butt surgery.
2024-08-22 12:00:06 +0000 UTC
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"Play the hits," they say. Nobody wants to hear your new material — they want the stuff they grew up on. So be it, I say to my trio of muscular, younger men as I begrudgingly rise from the bed we all sleep in together. It's been eight weeks since mama wrote about some forgotten '90s bullshit, so go crank some '90s in Fortnite for a couple of hours while I crank out a few thousand words about,...
2024-08-21 12:00:11 +0000 UTC View PostWe have an animated podcast! Watch us and Merritt K discuss 1986's Heat with Burt Reynolds, the one where he dresses like pimp's couch and does flying jumpkicks that burst men into flames. Yes, that one!
2024-08-21 11:59:00 +0000 UTC View Post
Brockway is back with Seanbaby and Merritt K to discuss the making of Heat. It should surprise nobody that it was one of the greatest disasters in film history.
2024-08-21 11:58:01 +0000 UTC View PostBrockway slips into his paisley blazer to trick Seanbaby and guest, Merritt K, into watching the 1986 movie Heat, with Burt Reynolds. It's a hardboiled neo-noir detective movie, and a Karate Kid mentor story, and also a Jackie Chan style stunt come...
2024-08-21 11:57:00 +0000 UTC View Post
Meet the ultimate team-up: Honda, the Department of Transportation, and death. Supergirl watches.
Feels right. Still, I should check my guidelines.
I’m a pretty confident and creative person, but I don’t think I possess the erotic imagination strong enough to come up with 469 Dirty Drawing prompts, let alone ANOTHER 469 Dirty Drawing Prompts. Who is going around with nearly a thousand Dirty Drawing prompts locked and loaded in their gray matter, and what has that information replaced? How many stories, friends, a...
2024-08-19 12:00:11 +0000 UTC View PostWear your favorite anthropomorphic action hero hot dog boys to any event: funerals, funerals, funerals, or funerals!*
*may cause you to be kicked out of funerals.
2024-08-17 18:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Imagine a sport with the lethal strikes of martial arts but the pageantry of pro wrestling and the choreography of a grade school ninja play. Imagine two biker babes in leather underpants. Imagine seven more nude biker babes. Maybe imagine three more. You fool, your insane and horny imagination has trapped you in…
The Fight Zone.
2024-08-16 12:00:09 +0000 UTC
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Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we ride around in a zeppelin shaped like an amalgamation of our two hogs.
But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!
First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where 99 cents still buy...
2024-08-15 12:00:06 +0000 UTC View Post
This is one of the most popular books in America. Its execution, ideas, and corporate background might be grimmer than its topic.
That book is the graphic novel adaptation of the young adult novelization of the World Trade Center attack portion of 9/11. Here’s a spoiler: this book about ...
2024-08-14 12:00:10 +0000 UTC View PostWe have an animated podcast! Watch us talk with Rusty Shackles about Bangkok Knockout, which is the second best way to watch Bangkok Knockout, aside from actually watching Bangkok Knockout.
2024-08-14 11:59:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Seanbaby forces Brockway and guest, Rusty Shackles, to seek out and revel in Christian clown horror. Rusty was abruptly devoured just a few minutes into this podcast. Send flowers straight to hell, which is where all clown victims go.
2024-08-14 11:58:01 +0000 UTC View PostSeanbaby, Brockway, and guest Rusty Shackles celebrate the bonkers Thai martial arts movie Bangkok Knockout, and mourn the several million stuntmen it surely killed.
2024-08-14 11:57:00 +0000 UTC View Post
We need more dolls.
A theory.
Dolls aren’t innately evil. They just expire. Oranges start out healthy, but keepin...
2024-08-13 12:00:06 +0000 UTC View Post
Oh no, you got your fetish in my athletic event! You got your athletic event in my fetish. Things are going to get sexy, punchy, and confusing this week as we talk about the PFC: Pillow Fight Championships. It's the Muppet Babies version of the UFC. It's what the Slap Fighting Championship would be if its parents had hugged it more. It's competitive tickling with an absolutely equal amount of p...
2024-08-12 12:00:17 +0000 UTC View PostThe Bigfeet Boys watch Season 2, Episode 6 of Mountain Monsters: The Bigfoot of Washington County. Several local children were drowned in quicksand during the making of this episode.
Buy the MORMON DOOM shirt in the Hot Dog store now!
Real ones know Doom Guy is canonically Mormon. Bad motherfuckers celebrate it.
Hi, parents. Witches are tricky, and they have fourteen secrets. Several of them is the television show, Smurfs. Luckily, I have found the book and "Unique Audio Experience" cassette to stop them.
God gave David Benoit mild purpose and dried leaves for brains, and in 1994 he used t...
2024-08-09 12:00:11 +0000 UTC View Post
You all remember Curt Hiss, the Drug-Free Beatboxing Snake. If you don’t, you need to click away right now. You’ve built a Puppet Week mental block and you can’t tear down that dam, or trauma will flood your soul like that village in China it’s illega...
2024-08-08 12:00:06 +0000 UTC View Post
Twenty five years ago, tabletop roleplayers didn't have many options when it came to comedy about their favorite hobby. It wasn't like it is today, where you can type "funny D&D sketch" into TikTok and get a cavalcade of mostly-nude women in elf ear prosthetics joking about casting "Snakes to Sticks." Sure, people would pass around things like the old 2024-08-07 12:00:10 +0000 UTC View Post
After three decades, someone has finally uncovered the pilot for the lost 1990s American live action adaptation of Sailor Moon. Brockway shines the Magical Girl Signal. Seanbaby and Lydia Bugg solemnly answer.
2024-08-07 11:59:01 +0000 UTC View Post
It's time to play the hit game Manimal, Wizard, or Hulk Hogan Speedboat - where Seanbaby and Lydia Bugg must solve the problems of Sailor Moon episodes using Manimals, Wizards, or Hulk Hogan Speedboats. It explains itself!
2024-08-07 11:58:00 +0000 UTC View PostAfter three decades, someone has finally uncovered the pilot for the lost 1990s American live action adaptation of Sailor Moon. Brockway shines the Magical Girl Signal. Seanbaby and Lydia Bugg solemnly answer.
2024-08-07 11:57:03 +0000 UTC View Post
It’s Tuesday! Time to check hell’s slush pile.
Fucking what? What alien infant wrote this? Have they seen a cat? Or tolerated Christmas? Do they think BIll Clinton’s a coercive elf? This is tandem writing with cyclobenzaprine. The brain is holding the...
2024-08-06 12:00:05 +0000 UTC View Post
I would like to be the 1900hotdog columnist who specializes in art that is also literally a crime. Personally, I might have been a fan of the web series Stoner Cats under different circumstances, but do you know who definitely wasn’t a fan of it? The SEC. They filed charges against the NFT-based webtoon that resulted in a million-dollar penalty, with the money being used to set up ...
2024-08-05 12:00:12 +0000 UTC View PostPopsicle Pete. Some websites don't even let you speak his name. We call those websites "survivors."
But that's not you!
Buy his shirt, wear his image, taunt your fate!
We each live in our own silo crumbling to dust on a different entertainment wasteland, so I don't know if you've ever watched the increasingly less popular television show, Britain's Got Talent. It's like American Idol, but some singers do trampoline dunks. Others do something much closer to m̵͓̯̊́a̷̞̭͗͠d̶͉͐͘n̵̈́̂͜e̶̜̗͝s̴̨̖͊͝s̶̖̋.
2024-08-02 12:00:11 +0000 UTC
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Does Austin Powers make you horny, baby? Yeah, baby, yeah! Well, you better (oh) behave, because there’s now two incredible games based on the hit Austin Powers: International Man Of Mystery franchise. And, I know what you’re thinking, and yes, they are actually both parodies of Windows 95 (well, technically Windows 2000) for the Game Boy Color. It’s time to wake up, sweetheart, ...
2024-08-01 12:00:09 +0000 UTC View Post
Some would say picking on a Chuck. E. Cheese animatronics fansite curated by a single man for over two decades is low-hanging fruit, beneath the ambition of a seasoned comedy columnist working in the cursed media space. Others, who are clued in and in the know, will understand that I recently mangled my butt...
2024-07-31 12:00:10 +0000 UTC View Post