Once, long ago, there was a comedy website that only wanted three simple things: to make people laugh, to teach them a few things, and to make enough money to build a robot that would be our friend, instead of yet another enemy. It succeeded in two of those goals, before getting piledriven into the dirt by ...
2021-01-26 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostThey come from other worlds and dimensions. Our laws mean nothing to them. Physical matter and brain waves are theirs to control. And now you can defeat them thanks to HOW TO DEFEND YOURSELF AGAINST ALIEN ABDUCTION by Ann Druffel (1998). Please don't get it confused with 2021-01-25 13:00:04 +0000 UTC View Post
Once, long ago, there was a comedy website that only wanted three simple things: to make people laugh, to teach them a few things, and to be the first internet comedians to write dick jokes on Mars. It succeeded in two of those goals, before getting piledriven into the dirt by corporate scavengers. Some of ...
2021-01-22 13:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostIn 1985, 78% of all American plastic was used for aerobics videos. One of them -the wettest one- was called VIDEO COLLECTION SPORTS PLAYGIRL Morning Workout. It was priced-to-own and let you exercise with the "hunks" from Playgirl! Those quotes aren't mine, and I don't know why the copywriter added...
2021-01-21 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post
BEFORE THERE WAS TIME, THERE WAS…
PHOTON!
That’s how Photon opens. Well, that and a massive pulsing space cock.
Today, in the Dogg Zzone 9000 Podcast, we are joined by our dear friend Jason Pargin, author of Zoey Punches the Future in the Dick...
2021-01-19 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostJack Chick was kind of a low rent missionary. A street preacher for shut-ins. A televangelist for people who live in vans. He’s what happens when you successfully convert a nerd, and why nobody tries that anymore. He writes insane tiny comic books warning people that don’t exist about things that never ...
2021-01-18 13:01:02 +0000 UTC View PostTwo weeks ago we published an article about No Longer Afraid, a book for dying children by the pediatric tragedy team of Doris Sanford and Graci Evans. I ended it with a warning: it would g...
2021-01-15 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostScholars often debate the best time period for literature. Was it the modernist movement with Hemingway, Fitzgerald, and Faulker? Or perhaps Romanticism, which saw great works from Poe, Shelley, and Austen? In my personal opinion, it was Supermarketicism, the period in the 1980s when tons of horny housewive...
2021-01-14 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostIt’s a new year and you have to admit: This is some new bullshit! Listen, everybody wished this year would be different and it is our fault for not being more specific. All genies are pedantic assholes, and that’s the best case scenario. We may have actually stumbled into a Wishmaster situation...
2021-01-13 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostWelcome to 2021, Road Warriors, Wasteland Wanderers, and Wall-Es alike. I don’t care how you did it, but you made it through 2020. That’s something you can brag about to your skeptical grandkids as they warm their hands around the Tesla battery fire in between supermutant raids. Just living through this...
2021-01-12 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostIf you're stupid enough, general knowledge seems like expertise. If you're stupider still, puppets seem like a trick. If you're stupider still, you are the customer base for 1987's How to Have a Moneymaking GARAGE SALE Starring Phyllis Diller. It defies no expectations at all. It's 24 minutes of ba...
2021-01-11 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostYou’d assume something as important as a police training film would be a dry and official production… but you’d also assume something as important as police weapons training wouldn’t be done via filmstrip like they’re an unruly fourth grade class on the schooldays Mrs. Davis is getting too divorce...
2021-01-08 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostWhen accomplished sci-fi author Robert Brockway and aspiring gargantuan game hunter Seanbaby first approached me about spending thirty uninterrupted days and nights within the realm of VR sex games, it was some time in the future, because that technically hasn’t happened yet. Challenge accepted.<...
2021-01-07 13:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostHi, Internet, remember me from when there was still hope enough for laughter? Jump into the pop culture DeLorean, and let’s revisit an era when the exceptional assholes of yesteryear would have been aghast at the normal people of today.
When you're a child, defeating a full-grown attacker can seem difficult. At least it did until 1986 when Al Johnson wrote YOUNG, ALERT, and AWARE: Self Defense and Self Confidence for Children. To be clear, this book won't help you defend yourself. What Al Johnson did was make writing a Karate book...
2021-01-05 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostYou can’t trust WikiHow to teach you even the most basic of life skills. If you learn how to ride a bike from WikiHow you’ll wind up with a handlebar up your ass and wheels on your hands like the Wheelers from Return to Oz. Yes, they all had handlebars up their asses. Read a book.
So trus...
2021-01-04 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostDoris Sanford and Graci Evans are a creative team dedicated to producing a book about every possible pediatric trauma. They produced a book to very specifically help kids deal with life in a Japanese POW camp and another for survivors of nude Satanic daycares, as I will bring up every time Doris and Graci a...
2021-01-01 13:00:05 +0000 UTC View PostIt has been said that I’m not a very erotic writer, even though I type the word “fuck” 600 times every day just to keep the muscle memory in my fingers fresh. Most of my Fucking Days are about gross, messed-up things that are adjacent to sex crimes, like Quentin Tarantino. So for a change of pace letâ...
2020-12-31 13:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostThe story of Brides In Love begins where so many great love stories do-- in prison. Charlton comics started when a guy who went to jail for selling books of song lyrics without the writer's permission met a lawyer (presumably not a great one because he was also in prison). Together, they decided to...
2020-12-30 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Text adventures were the video games we made before we knew how to make video games. They had all the thrills of reading a short story written by an unedited maniac, combined with the epic adventure of guessing syntax. A few were great, most were boring, some were war crimes waged against coherence. Please keep all of this in mind as we explore Marvel Questprobe: The Hulk.
2020-12-29 13:01:00 +0000 UTC
View Post
Christmas is over and all you got was socks and herpes, again. Not even an exciting new strain either! We understand. Nobody gets you like we do. That’s why we’re taking today to give you the greatest gift of all: A little recognition. Here are the grandest feats of Hot Doggery our readers pulled off th...
2020-12-28 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostMerry Christmas! It’s Upsetting Day.
Now you must choose which day you’d rather celebrate.
On the one hand you have family, togetherness, hot cocoa, carols, presents and the portly home invader dressed to hide bloodstains who brings them to you. On the other hand, you have hundreds of jokes ...
2020-12-25 13:00:02 +0000 UTC View PostThis should be a retrospective of all of our Fucking Days and the interesting and frightening ways they have penetrated you, but Seanbaby just did that for the last Reflecting Day. But if you think about it, fucking is basically just really good teamwork. So this is Teamworking Day. Wait, no it’s...
2020-12-24 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostNerds! You god damn nerds! Paying money for jokes on the internet is the nerdiest thing possible, and that’s including both card tricks and ukelele covers. But you nerds are precious to us. We appreciate every second you spend reading our comedy instead of a six-thousand word thinkpiece on which Doctor Wh...
2020-12-23 13:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostIt’s day two of the great comedy retrospective, where we look back at all the amazing jokes we brought to this screaming, stinking pukefight of a year. Today we celebrate the king of arm movements: The punch. The wave is all right, the wank is pretty good, but nothing beats a punch because if it does, it ...
2020-12-22 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostHappy holidays from the very tips of our hot dogs to the large split in your buns. This year you have given us the greatest gift of all: Several dollars. Oh, also your support for this insane website that promises way too many jokes about things pop culture did while drunk and denied the next morning. So we...
2020-12-21 13:01:02 +0000 UTC View PostIt's Podcasting Day! Available everywhere today wherever you get them, we are joined on the Dogg Zzone 9000: The Official Podcast of 1-900-🌠by our dear friend Alex Schmidt, host of the 2020-12-18 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Once, long ago, there was a comedy website that only wanted three simple things: to make people laugh, to teach them a few things, and to be able to issue our own traffic citations to people who put eyelashes on headlights. It succeeded in two of those goals, before getting piledriven into the dirt by corpo...
2020-12-17 13:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostThe definition for "nerd" changes 12.7(π)² times faster than any other word. For instance, in our lifetime it has bounced between "panty unmoistening," "socially unacceptable," and "dangerously obsessive." It can be confusing! But good news: I think I've found the Center of Nerd-- an activity so dorky it ...
2020-12-16 13:01:00 +0000 UTC View Post
