joodlez

Raising Hell promo art

My good friend Manna has been rehashing her comic for Webtoon Originals, and it releases tomorrow evening (5:00pm PST)! I did a simple little piece for it. Her comic is a very enjoyable read, please consider checking it out!

purity, sanctity, and loyalty

one more left to go!

These will be part of this past month's rewards until the end of December!

thank you

I spoke on this on Twitter/Bluesky, but the exact reason my condition has declined in the past 2 months is due to a series of events that entailed me finding out that a close friend was using A Witch's Cross (and my very existence) to source her "own" personal project, for years. I don't think I have to say much on what AWC is to me to explain how violating that was... but to clarify, AWC is a project through which I sustained myself emotionally and spiritually, through some 7 years of crippling pain. It's what I used to learn to find and love myself. It's something I poured everything into when I felt that I had nothing left, and in turn it saved my life and became something I wanted to share with everyone.

She knew all this but instead of simply paying her respects to that and the way she hurt me, she chose to act entitled to my designs, my character writing, and my ideas, and emotionally abuse me before parting ways. I am under the impression that this person (@genicecream on socials) still has plans to continue this stolen project called "Edensgate", so... if you ever see that, please at least know that it was horribly unethically sourced and that I did not sanction any of it.

Needless to say, it's been hard enough working on this project without encountering petty theft and emotional abuse over it... >< but I also just wanted to thank everyone for so kindly and patiently supporting me and this project, however meandering it may have seemed. Although it is a product of my suffering, it is first and foremost a product of all the love in my soul. I just want everyone here to know that I intend to continue to share that.

Reward Tier "The Sun"

Hello! For some reason Patreon's UI is janky for me (on both browsers) and the navigation side bar has disappeared. I normally send these out over private messages but seeing as I can't access that function, here it is for those of you who don't use my Discord Server.

This post will be deleted in December.

Jo's Halo

Hello! My health has been on a downswing lately so I'm sorry I'm a bit behind on rewards. I will hopefully be able to get that out this weekend.

Meanwhile, here is some lore drop:

I had this big brain idea of making Jo's halo into a cracked glass sort of look, in contrast to the straight rays of light that the standard halo has in iconography, to represent his Fallen status.

About a month later I had an even bigger brain moment as I realized where that halo came from.

In AWC Satan is the manifestation of survival, and Jaime is the manifestation of love. When they met in hell and he was beating her around, he did not realize just how little she wanted to fight to exist (as love is self-sacrificing) and regretted it. So in a strange twist of events, Satan (ie: the will to exist) bonds himself to her as her guardian spirit to save her when she's on the brink of scattering into oblivion. Because this all transpires Downstairs, he agrees to be baptized (via a spear through his heart, à la Teo), to follow Jaime back upstairs to her domain where she might be healed. He becomes rechristened/reborn as Jo, and he pretends not to be Satan for a few years, because he thought that was part of the deal (Teo shrugs saying he doesn't remember saying that). Later he reveals to Jaime who he is and what he did to her, and she begins to understand why he acts so clingy. As far as his powers go, they're connected through the (W)hole in Jaime's chest, and through her anguish, his halo lights up and he becomes dominant.

When i write about redeeming Satan, he becomes Justice. I wrote Jo because I had a hard time feeling and expressing my own rage, from a life full of little and big injustices. He appeared around the time I snapped one day and felt decades of repressed anger all at once. I can't ever properly convey how constantly enraged I was for months, and even years, but it was also a comfort to be angry, because it meant I cared about myself. My health actually improved in many ways after that. That's why Jo, even though he's technically Satan, is such a dear character to me.

Jo is crowned with his halo when he saves Jaime; the halo bestowed represents the injustice of Jaime's broken Whole; when the anger is righteous and rooted in the Truth, God and Satan's drive become one and the same.

My October

Before this year I'd never been able to complete a daily October drawing challenge because I've been too ill for as long as I've known about them. Seeing as I am still pretty ill, I decided to join my husband's goofy community "OC survival challenge" with my hamster pngtuber so that it would be manageable for me. Each day's prompt was revealed on the day of, and some were even timed so that everyone was drawing at the same time. The costume swap was like a mandatory art trade, and the ones marked "TRIO" were actually drawings I made with 2 other people I got randomly teamed up with. I didn't even really know these artists but they were very nice to me and easy to work with so I had a good time despite the added pressure.

The takeaway I got from this was that I hadn't drawn anything this doofy and low stakes since I was a teenager. I realize I really needed it especially when so much of what I do is so emotional and comes from so deep inside. I still love what I do, but I see how it can be a strain too.

These will also be included in the rewards in case anyone would want something cute and silly!

WIPs and sketches

There is lore to Teo! When I first concepted Teo's canon form (bug!Teo) I had no idea the bug part of him was more of a flowerpot than anything... I just knew there was a big pink peony growing out of his back and every time I drew a peony I kept being reminded of wings and feathers. So now he's a flower made of wings! I think my brain was so large for this LOL.

"Broken"

Hello!! Rewards are going out -- I'm sorry for the crazy delay. I ended up getting in my own head about wanting to provide more without considering my situation and I felt so crushed by my self-imposed pressures T_T;

Anyway they are primarily inkwash pages (the PSDs have slightly tweaked versions of each) but I really like them. This one is... actually quite old and incomplete but it's one of those pieces that became stressful so I'm going to try to finish it digitally this time LOL. Please enjoy!

Also there will not be a charge next month either while I try to recover from... this entire past decade, not least the chaos that was this year lol... If you would like the option of still giving me support, I also have a kofi page that I'm using as a shopfront. (I am very slowly starting to make some new merch). Thank you either way for sticking around!

about iOS + no charge next month

Hello!

I don't know how well patreon keeps patrons in the loop about its policy/pricing changes but apparently they're increasing fees for iOS users by 30%, since Apple is implementing a 30% fee for anyone who subscribed to Patreon services via the iphone app... yes, I too think they are trash. The creators don't receive any of this, so if you pledged via this app please cancel and pledge via desktop instead!

Also there will not be a charge in the coming month.

Please enjoy some WIPs and doodles in the meantime!

rewards postponed (no charge next month)

Hello! Sorry I've been so quiet, I have been experiencing a downswing in health/mental lately and I was also dumb enough to injure my drawing hand LOL. :( I was going to pause billing anyway, but rewards have been quite delayed so I am so sorry for the inconvenience.

Cygni (commission) + wip

Hello!! I am behind but on track LOL. I want to get this swing spread coloured and sent out. Thank you always for your patience and support. It means a lot to me.

commission wip

tbh I need to stop making personal commissions so fancy and go back to my old ways of only doing simple stuff LOL... It is satisfying to see finished though...

Alexandrite

Hello! I've been back in my sketchbook playing around with the same snazzy new ink from last time. I figured out how to bring out the bright blues in this ink so that's been fun. The profile drawing of Bernard ended up being a subconscious redraw of a very old ink piece I did... probably around 7 years ago? Pleased to inform everyone that I've figured out how to draw him cuter lol.

also some random!! sparkle studies! I am a bit of a magpie and I love shiny things, like faceted gemstones. I thought it would be fun, and it was satisfying, but also my head hurts lol.

Two inks were used for the studies: "hana gokoro" (brand: sailor) and "purple jade rabbit" (brand: ferris wheel press).

The page of faces was "hana gokoro" only, with a red pencil

a gentle rave

hello! Sorry for the tardiness but rewards will go out when I get up in the morning LOL. Please enjoy this gentle rave I made from some of my really old dancing sketches from maybe like 5 years ago haha

friend's OCs and Jaime vibing with them

the first is a commission of a friend's OC. His design and motifs were very my cup of tea so I kind of indulged haha

Jaime is the character I send to take care of my friends' OCs. She's just nice :3

strawdoll (traditional)

hello! This was drawn as a little gift for my longtime friend. I think it turned out decently! This new ink is throttling my world LOL.

rewards finally out

Hello! As mentioned before, the May billing cycle was also paused (so it was a 2-month break). I will take this chance to recoup and recharge; our routine will resume on June 1st, after which I will send out the next wave of rewards.

It's been hard to pick up traditional media back up after being so destabilized for the past few months but my good friend surprised me with a fancy new ink bottle from her Japan trip so I... I am back on my bullsh*t. It was really fun testing the colours out on this one, it's very dynamic. That pop of blue was so out of place and unexpected tbh.

Also, if anyone is in the Toronto area next weekend (11-12), I'll be at TCAF, hopefully with all my books! My plans for new books have been understandably derailed but hey I'm still kicking lol.

I hope everyone is doing well!

Grace

"the act of giving acceptance unconditionally and voluntarily to an undeserving person by an unobligated giver."

Jaime and Bernard have a Complicated relationship where one has deeply hurt the other but neither are compelled to leave each other. I've wanted to draw these two together in an intimate dance for a while and for some reason it was one of the hardest ones to finish haha... (sorry it took so long) There is a lot of pain and guilt in their relationship and I hope that someday it'll be resolved.

Thank you for your patience in the past months. I'm settling into a new, happier life and learning that I have a lot to heal from. I will be pausing May's payment cycle but the belated rewards will go out before the month ends.

doodle dump

just some doodles I got out of my system haha

The rewards will be going out when I come back from Hawaii (kawaiikon lol)... and probably after I move, I'm not sure. There are some big changes happening in my life and it's been tumultuous. I will keep everyone posted. Please stay well!

rewards postponed to next month

Hello! I realized I have to re-prioritize because it's been too rough for me and I don't want to have to rush out the rewards. I'm pausing the coming April billing cycle so I can send out the files then instead.  Thank you for your patience and understanding. ><

I've thankfully managed to secure a place to move yesterday, so at least that is a load off of my anxiety. I have a lot more going on though it's been extremely overwhelming... o(-( I hope everyone is faring well. Please have these copium drawings in the meantime lol

running behind

hello! In light of many things I am running behind. It was nice to be at ECCC last weekend as my first US con since 2019 haha... Lots of familiar faces I didn't even get to meet before. 

If everything goes smoothly I will get the rewards out this weekend. Thank you kindly for your patience!

rewards and status update

huff huff thank you for your patience!

Some of you already know about my situation from the Discord server but I'm actually facing eviction right now lol... Long story short, not even a month into moving into my current unit I was told I'd be getting kicked out to make room for a family member of my landlord's. Needless to say but I've been devastated, mega strapped for resources (time and emotional stability lol), and extremely stressed because I worked so hard to make the move over to this apartment despite my fragile health... ah sorry for venting. 

But I managed to centre myself for a few days to get something together for you guys! I will zip them up in the daytime and send them out!

Frieren box wip

Manna and I are back on our bullsh*t LOL

I will be selling prints of these when I finish too!

She saw my last AWC painting and told me she wanted the same kind of vibe for the interior art so here I am, vaguely plagiarizing myself!! :)

wind

I'm starting to settle into my new abode and this is what I've been working on this month. There wasn't a plan, but I like how it's turning out. It's my first time painting an illustration of the four together in the same setting ;-;

pencils (astrel + satan)

Here are some older pencils I polished up to add to the package I just sent out! Please let me know if there are any problems with the files.

I don't often mention this, but "Bernard" isn't his real name. In AWC true names are hard to come by, as the name of another individual is a powerful thing to know. It's similar to getting a hold of one's social security number, but in an emotional, soul-binding sense. One of Bernard's truer names is "Astrel," which is a name that Jaime finds for him. He's taken aback by the acuity of her perception, as this happens shortly after meeting her. He nonetheless accepts this name because he considers it an apt label for their relationship. It's a mix of languages that means "God's Stars," and only Jaime, and sometimes Teo, uses that name to refer to him.

(I heard that in DND names are similarly protected, to give you a relatable reference)

In a similar vein, using names is how demons become contracted. They are different from the average spirit in that they use this vulnerability as leverage to enter into a service contract instead. Jo can do this, and this one of the reasons why Jaime would prefer to use the name that she gave him instead.

Happy New Year!

These will be part of the upcoming December rewards! I am going to try to get this out this week before I move apartments (lol life's been a bit overwhelming.)

also I'm surprised it took me so long to do the finger heart things... it's such a nice excuse to focus on hands LOL.

some wips + checking in

I'm sorry about my absence, this month has been throwing all kinds of stressful life thing. But there's some exciting developments too, so I can't complain too much! 

I finally decided the books I want to make out of AWC. This will be at least a year down the line, but I would love to be able to create a box set of four different illustration books -- one large compendium of painted illustrations and lore, two little books for inks and pencils respectively, and one landscape book for all the dancing doodles... This project has been so airy and Unplanned that it took a while for it to take material shape in my head lol. Thank you for sticking with me while I explored and continue to flesh out this seemingly nebulous project. I look forward to the day I can finally hold them and hand them out to people!!

"Sven"

A commission for Anguiculus yet again!

Cute things

hello! Lots of hugs in this one lol. I was trying to finish colouring the page of doodles of jaime and jo... I think I might be able to finish tonight or tomorrow, and the rewards will go out! Thank you kindly for your patience and support. 

"Crown"

My AWC character designs are all very simple and mundane but sometimes I wanna dress them up LOL. Jo is technically a prince!! I wanted to give him a crown for a long time. It was a very clumsy ink wash but it was really fun doing the black parts!

Also I cannot stop drawing this guy on the electric guitar lol