Siderun - Jack Misor

An: This was supposed to come out over the weekend, but I decided to completely rewrite it and change the tone. This is a side story following Jack Misor, a brand-new, perfectly normal character with absolutely no relation to Inquisitor Ligh.

I talked about this with Gardor, one of the Patrons, not too long ago, and thought it'd be fun. So here it is. Are side stories something you guys would be interest in?

-- -- --

Jack Misor had a good life. When people thought of him, they saw a casual office worker. One who went to work at the same corporation on time, ate at the same corporate cafe every night, and watched the same corporate news just before going to bed. It was a good life indeed. At least, by most people’s standards.

Unfortunately for Jack Misor, an event was about to occur that would change the trajectory of his life forever. But all of that was in the future, for now, Jack put on his best and brightest smile as he stopped by the cafe just before arriving at work. It was the same cafe he stopped at everyday without fail for the past seven years: Just Coffee.

He got the same drink he got every single day. He’d been coming here so long that they even had his name and order memorized. It was already waiting as he arrived, cutting out one of the few social interactions he had in his days.

Not that Jack minded. His smile stayed as radiant as ever as he grabbed his drink, paid for it, and left for work. He walked half a block to his job, an Aythryn City branch of AssurCo. Today was a perfectly normal day! Almost as normal as Jack himself. Almost.

”Hi, Jack!” The receptionist called out to him just the same as she had every single day since she was hired. Her cheer looked a little more forced today than usual, though her smile was as wide as it always was.

“Hey, Rebecca. Your shirt looks nice.” It was the same one she literally always wore, considering the dress code, but Jack was the type of man who liked the basic dress code for AssurCo. What could he say? He liked a woman in uniform.

“Thank you, as always. Oh, Mr. John was looking for you. Something about that case you were working on?” Rebecca said the last bit, unsure of herself.

”Thanks. I’ll go see him.” Jack Misor smiled his usual smile and went up the elevator-

Jack’s smile faded slightly. Out of order. That meant taking the stairs. The twenty sets of stairs to get up to his floor. Well, it could be worse, he supposed. At least this would give his coffee a bit of time to cool. He could’ve sworn they just had a maintenance tech working on it the other day, though. How unfortunate...

Jack climbed the stairs. His smile slowly grew to the breaking point, but he managed as he got to his floor. His office was just down the hall, so he headed toward it, passing by John on his way.

John was a typical Insurance Investigator, the same as Jack. John, on the other hand, had quite a few spicy secrets. Secrets that would probably get him in a ditch or poisoned by his wife if they were to get out. Jack liked that about John. John handed over certain files to keep those spicy secrets from spilling out.

This time was no different. John barely kept a glare back as Jack stopped by his office. His forced cheer was as lacking as always. “Jack! Just the man I was looking for. Here are the case files you wanted. Management wants it done soon.”

”Thanks, John. You’re such a good friend.” Jack smiled back, taking the documents in hand as he left the room. For a moment, Jack Misor could’ve sworn he felt murderous intent, but there’s no way his good friend with explosives secrets would glare at him, right?

He moved into his office, pausing to lock the door before he looked down at the case file. There were several new insurance claims across Little Yukoto, all on a path. More importantly, the cases were linked to one Inquisitor Ligh Strumgard of the Blue Crusade. Jack’s archnemesis.

Jack closed the shutters to his office and ensured no one was coming before he moved back to the back wall of his office. With practiced ease, he removed a false panel and revealed a massive board covered in pictures, documents, and red twine that connected everything together. In the very middle of the board? A picture of the devil himself.

Ligh Strumgard was the scum of the earth, manipulating everything from politics, to corporate affairs, to even Jack’s ex-girlfriend. Stacy never would’ve broken up with him if not for the bastard Inquisitor! The man was pure evil incarnate, and he had to prove it!

Multiple cases were connected to the picture. An insured satellite dropping from space onto a crazed borg, causing the company to lose a massive amount of money. A whale, which by all rights should’ve been extinct, exploded against a yacht, killing a terrorist group before they could set off a nuke in Aythryn City. The yacht was stolen and insured, costing the company massive amounts of money. Even a case where a zoo escaped, trampling an entire gang. A couple of animals died. Of course, they were insured, costing the company massive amounts of money.

Those were just the tips of the iceberg. The older cases were even wilder and even weirder. Everything from a literal dancing plague incapacitating an entire city, to the resurgence of a tyrannosaurus rex, to even politicians passing laws just in time to help the Inquisitor. It was all far, far too suspicious!

At the center of all of these cases? Ligh Strumgard. The devil was responsible for all of it! Jack just couldn’t quite figure out how. They were too random. The events didn’t align at all aside from the Inquisitor being involved.

Jack stood still, glaring at the board just as he did every morning. He could recite everything on here by memory, and even sketch out the evil mastermind himself if he needed to. Of course, all of this was perfectly normal.

To be frank, Jack may or may not have a slight obsessive tendency. Not that he’d ever admit to such a thing. His corporate-appointed psychiatrist, the third one after the previous two had terrible accidents, would also never admit to such a thing. If he knew what was good for him, that is.

Right- Jack had no issues at all. He was a perfectly normal corporate employee. And hey, that part might actually be true. He was entirely normal compared to his coworkers. Some would even say he was more normal than the others. Some. Okay, just Jack...

Jack was a perfect man. Nothing more to it… yeah… 

Jack was a perfect man. And perfect men had hobbies. It just so happened his hobby was stalk- gathering intel on a not-so-perfect man that was the incarnation of all evil: Inquisitor Ligh Strumgard. 

Jack Misor set his coffee down, started his speaker with classical music, and leaned back in his chair as he looked over the newest documents. It involved an incident in Little Yukoto. A large strike squad chased after a girl, resulting in dozens of insurance claims across the district. More importantly, the girl in question, Zuku Ichima, was the Squire of Inquisitor Ligh. As per usual, everything led back to Ligh.

As he read the file, he reached for his cup of coffee. It was almost as if the Inquisitor had some kind of power to-

“Ah!” Jack quickly put the cup back down as he burned his mouth on it. How unlucky. Not that it mattered, his newest leads were proving to be interesting. He pinned the Squire’s picture to the board next to the other Squires.

”Now, how do you fit…” He stared at the pictures, deep in thought as he looked through the incident reports. He was supposed to be verifying the claim, and yet this new information sent him spiralling. The newest Squire was probably a literal demon summoned from hell. No way a normal person would work for that- that incarnation of evil. And just look at her eye! That wasn’t human!

Unfortunately, the strike squad failed to apprehend the newest demon to plague the streets. As always, it seemed Ligh Strumgard managed to perfectly get to where he was needed. It always happened. It was too perfect. Too well thought out. Almost as if Ligh had set up his own Squire as a sacrifice. The evil bastard truly had an intellect matching Jack’s own. He was probably the mastermind behind every crime Jack ever investigated. 

While this new Squire, Zuku, was a demon, his other Squires weren't much better. Squire Hope was definitely a terrorist responsible for the Eternal Sandstorm. No two thoughts about that one. Joshua was probably the progenitor of all assassins and thieves. And Dev? Dev was most definitely responsible for five genoicides. Jack knew all of this, he just couldn't prove it yet. Yet.

But some stuff about the newest case still didn’t make sense. He read through an unofficial report he copied from the Crusade’s database. How did so many great heroes trying to vanquish the demon die, and yet Ligh went through unharmed? And they were weird deaths too, like their guns exploding or choking on their own tongues. It was almost as if the man had some kind of ability to manipulate-

Clack!

”Ah! Hot!” Jack shot upright as his near-boiling coffee poured onto his crotch. He fell to the ground groaning in pain. A whimper broke through his throat as he shifted, causing the burning liquid to seep deeper.

Jack suffered through the agony. It was most assuredly Ligh’s fault that the coffee fell on him, he just couldn’t figure out how. Unless the evil Inquisitor had a probability-

“Fuck!” Jack cried out as his desk collapsed on top of him. He groaned in absolute misery as the heavy synthwood pinned him to the ground. Ligh! That bastard! If he could just finish his thought-

A knock at the door drew his attention. “You okay, Jack? I heard a crash.”

Jack’s eyes flicked up to his board. He couldn’t let his coworkers see. “I- I’m fine. I just- uh, dropped my coffee cup.”

”Oh. Okay… Well, call if you need anything!” The coworker left, leaving Jack in peace.

What was he thinking about? Oh yeah! The Inquisitor must have some kind of-

A tile fell from the roof, knocking Jack out in one clean hit. Before he could even realize what was happening, his vision turned black.

– – –

Jack Misor woke up some time later. He grabbed his head, groaning as he sat up. His thoughts immediately snapped back to Ligh, as they always did. This was all his fault! It was like he had some kind of-

His office door snapped open, revealing his boss. His boss took one look around the office, then looked at Jack, then looked at the not-so-hidden stalk- investigative board. He simply nodded. “Yep! You’re fired.”

Curse you Inquisitor Ligh Strumgard!