Envy

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Continuing to answer the question about envy as an artist)

In general, it seems to me that there is no difference between simple envy and artistic envy or feelings that are toxic to some extent, like, this is part of growth, a normal reaction. I mean growth can come with positive feelings and with negative ones. The main thing at this moment is to make the right decision. I try to not to go into sacrifice, suffering or helplessness, but to hear myself, to find out what I want to grow in. sometimes we are a street crowd for ourselves, like, sometimes we can ask ourselves something politely, or make a remark to ourselves, and sometimes shit ourselves. of course, after a negative remark, it is difficult for me personally to immediately rush and correct the situation. It often helps me to visualize myself — I'm just a program, um, a radio that needs to be rebuilt to the right station, that it's not a broken radio, but just badly tuned one. That this is not an element of the figure that cannot be changed, it's just the brightness on the computer which can be made a little brighter, everything is fine with the screen.

Envy

Once I dreamed of being a model, as I am now a musician, and I laugh at myself and joke) But in fact, I've always wanted to make music, and I just didn't consider the option of DJing. not because DJing is not like making music, it is even more difficult for me, I continue to see the difference between people, it's much more interesting and easier for me to make music than to play someone’s, I'm not interested and it seems difficult. I stood by and watched people play their sets, and it's fucking hard. But I always wanted to write music, and I wanted write lyrics, and to be a model, but a fucking model is about playing self-acceptance, and I immediately realised it, I just wanted to satisfy myself, this turned out to be a masturbation for 8 years)))))

And when you try to assert yourself through this method, but your real gut is generally about something else, then a lot of envy appears, because you don't understand how to become taller or thinner, more beautiful, have a more fashionable face, and so on. And you don't try hard enough, because once again I will say that the inside is about something else, and it doesn't like laziness, and it turns out some kind of squeezed lump. You can't easily give yourself up to this process, you rest like a sheep, you slow yourself down, you suffer from this and some kind of shit turns out, and as if envy is hopelessness, rejection of the situation, but not the desire for a solution, because you understand that actually you don't need it all, but you need to put energy somewhere, because the brain has taken power and here you are just jealous and toxic to yourself, well, this is an option for you, why envy happens.

Moreover, this does not happen to me at all from music and dancing, I just see artists who do cool stuff, I get energized and learn from them. In my gut, musle, there are feelings of admiration and gratitude and a desire to be able to do the same: wow, how cool that you did it, you're cool, teach me!

I learned to watch myself. But before this I was angry at myself and people, envious. That someone turns out to be born somewhere in the center of Moscow, Berlin or New York, in a rich family, among established artists and so on. People are given good education, and even if they do not study well, they still find themselves among fashionable young people, even if they are partying and drug-addicted to some extent, well, of course, there are different companies, but still they are always interesting and educated people, they are always in a good crowd: it's easier to create projects and so on. They have time to think, get creative and grow as artists.

And I am ALWAYS in the process of growth, and not only financial, but also personal, too, education and understanding of my will. I had everything at a zero, upbringing, the moment when the word "smart" becomes not just a word, but a part of myself, this is also a long time to learn. In addition to education and money, there is also making sure you are a nice person, it helps in everything, but pulling on a mask is not enough, you should really have it by nature, inside to be a pleasant easy person. And when you see artists who make the coolest fucking things at the age of 23-25, and learn the whole world, or people who have the opportunity to focus on creativity and so on.

But you take your inner self, turn around to yourself and try to sell yourself to yourself, why should you give up on yourself? It's difficult, it's also a part of the process, especially if you haven't been taught to respect and love yourself and you have to pave the way for yourself, as there are so many mechanisms inside us, they need to be serviced.

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