The Second Archon War: Animula Choragi 20

Animula Choragi 20: Ev'rybody Wants to Be a Cat

Charlotte stepped through the door of the apartment, and was immediately assaulted by noise. That was a bit confusing, because what it sounded like was a manic child being scolded by their parents, not her older sister finally getting laid. Indeed, she’d not even closed the door before an orange blur dressed in one of Charlotte’s old T-Shirts ran up to her. 

“SISTER! WILL YOU PARTAKE IN MY RAT WITH ME!? MY MOTHERS REFUSE MY BOUNTIFUL OFFERING AS A HUNTRESS!” 

“I told you that damn rat is going out with the trash!” Yennifer snarled, appearing to grab the little girl by the arm and haul her back inside. “Get in and close the door before she escapes!” 

“But I want to go out! You go out, and I have seen places with grass to run in, and trees to climb! Also, there are birds out there, and I dearly wish to hunt one!” the girl pleaded, then looked up at Charlotte. “Sister, surely you will take me on a walk, that we may stalk birds and bring them home for our dinner!” 

“I…what?” Charlotte managed, for once at a loss for words, stepping inside and closing the door behind her. “Who is this sassy, lost child?”

The girl let out a gasp of outrage. “Do you not recognize me, your own sister?!”

“It’s Diane,” Furina said, looking as frazzled as Yennifer did. “And she’s been like this since we woke up. We’re still trying to figure out what to do.”

Charlotte looked down at the child, who was pouting on the couch where Yennifer had forcibly seated her. Yes, that was a calico colored tail twitching in irritation behind her, and those were two cat ears poking up from amongst her orange, black, and white hair. Out of curiosity, she lifted up a lock of the messy hair to reveal no ears where they would have been on a human, which made Diane bat at her in irritation. 

“Wow, so which of you got knocked up?” Charlotte said, grinning at Furina and Yennifer, who both went scarlet with embarrassment. “Ha! Just kidding. So, are you ready to finally admit what you are and do an interview!?”

“I’ll um, admit that I’m ah, gay,” Furina said, taking Yennifer’s hand and grinning at her in that love-sick fashion that Charlotte found both nauseating and rather fascinating. Why couldn’t she get any boys to look at her like that?! They all panted after Barbara like a bunch of dogs. What did she have that Charlotte didn’t, aside from breeding, money, curves, popularity, and an agreeable personality?!

See, this was why sometimes Charlotte hated her powers. She couldn’t even lie to herself convincingly.

“Furina, I’m pretty sure you’re actually the last person to realize you were gay,” Charlotte said, then paused, considering. “Except for my sister, which means the two of you are perfect for one another, I guess.”

“This is boring,” Diane piped up, looking irritated. “They’re my mothers! The first thing I remember is Blue Mother saving me from…from that horrible place! Then Red Mother helped take care of me!”

“Sure, ok, but, question, how did you become a human?” Charlotte said, sitting down and examining Diane. “Yesterday you were a cat.”

“I just decided to be one,” Diane said airily, sticking her nose up in the air. 

“Do you know?” Yennifer asked Furina, who sat down and scooped Diane onto her lap. The little girl immediately snuggled up to Furina, looking terribly pleased with herself. 

“No, but such things do happen,” Furina said, stroking Diane’s hair. The little girl actually began to purr, looking cute as a button as she did so. “I’ve seen the studies: When a living being absorbs enough elemental energy, it gains sentience and usually assumes a humanoid form. I’ve known Blubberbeasts, birds, dogs, and yes, cats, that have done so in the past. Even a couple of house plants over the centuries, though I only read about those, and they were in Sumeru.”

“Sapience, not sentience, but I take your point,” Yennifer said, sitting down with Furina and putting her hand on Diane’s back, who smiled contentedly and rubbed her cheek against Yennifer’s arm. They were just so precious! 

“Well, I’m very happy to have a little sister now!” Charlotte declared, and gave Diane a hug. For a moment, everything was warm and peaceful.

Then, Charlotte realized something. “Wait, does this mean I have to share my room!?”

Furina and Yennifer blinked, then exchantged a look. 

“Um, w-well…I will get another check this week, so perhaps we should look for a bigger apartment?” Furina said nervously. 

“This is going to be a big change,” Yennifer admitted, rubbing her antlers in thought. She looked down at Diane, who cocked her head to one side. 

“I do not mind sharing a room with big sister! She usually lets me sleep in her bed anyway.”

“That was when you were a tiny kitten!” Charlotte said, blushing. She had been spoiling the cat rotten, but sharing her bed with a little girl was way different!

“For now, you’re going to have to share, Charlotte,” Yennifer said with a shake of her head. “This is going to be…expensive. First things first: We need to get Diane some basic necessities. Clothing, toiletries, and of course a birth certificate. Though I have no idea how we do that…”

“Don’t forget toys! She’ll need books, and art supplies, and we should get her ears pierced! A young lady needs jewelry,” Furina said firmly.

“Sparklies!? For me!?” Diane gasped, and her eyes twinkled in delight as her tail swayed back and forth. 

“And a haircut. She definitely needs a haircut,” Charlotte said, mussing up Diane’s hair, which made her hiss at her, then grin. 

“Yes! I want my fur cut in fancy ways like yours!” Diane agreed eagerly. 

“It’s a good thing the show was canceled for tonight, this is going to be busy,” Furina said, putting a hand to her forehead. “And yes, it will be expensive. I may have to call Marcel and ask for an advance…”

“We’ll just put it on the credit card for now,” Yennifer said with a sigh. “But yes. Let’s get everything together and go shopping.”

Charlotte was already dressed and raring to go, but she did snap a picture of Diane and message Barbara. 

U will nt believe this 🐱🪄🧒🥰

A few seconds later, Barbara responded with;

OMG, SO CUTE! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ Who is that? Is that srsly Diane?! 

omg, ys! happened last nite i guess? 🍑💦🍑🏳️‍🌈🪄🐱🧒

Barbara took a minute to respond, but her response made Charlotte snort with laughter. 

Bestgod.jpg

i no rit? 💧♥️🌈🐱🧒

('-')? So now what? She’s like, your sister, right? (๑﹏๑//)

💯💯💯 fuk ye dianes my precious bby sis now  ♥️♥️♥️🐱🧒♥️♥️♥️

※\(^o^)/※ 

we r going shopping rit now 🛍️ u wanna come? 

(*´･ω･`)ﾉ Yes! I will tell Pierre and we’ll bring the car. Be there in 30! ε=ε=┏( >_<)┛

“HEY YEN, FURINA! BARBS IS GONNA COME AND BRING HER CAR!” Charlotte shouted.

“What!? Why did you tell her!? I haven’t even decided how we’ll handle this!” Yennifer called, from where she and Furina were trying to convince Diane to hide her tail under a too big skirt, and the little catgirl was yowling and clawing in protest. 

“What?! Why are you making her hide?” Charlotte demanded, going over and picking up Diane, who snuggled up to her and glared at her mothers. Wow, that thought came very naturally, didn’t it? “She should be proud of who she is! The very first daughter born of two lesbians!” 

“That’s not exactly what happened,” Yennifer sighed. 

Furina patted her on the back. “Sorry, um, that’s basically exactly what happened.”

“You…you don’t want to be my mom?” Diane said in a trembling voice, tears in her eyes as she looked at Yennifer pleadingly. 

Yennifer immediately softened and took Diane from Charlotte, hugging her tightly. “Of course I do, schatzi. Just call me mutti. You can call Furina maman. This is just…very surprising, that’s all. And legally tricky. Your very existence is a legal grey area.”

“Well, you and maman both do legal things, so I know it will be OK,” Diane said, hugging Yennifer tightly. “Don’t worry! I will learn to cook, and make delicious meals for us all!” 

“I’m sure you will,” Yennifer said, and kissed Diane’s messy hair. “Well, this is as ready as we’re going to get, I suppose. Now stay close to us, and don’t run off. Hold someone’s hand at all times while we’re outside.”

“I am a mighty huntress! I need fear NOTHING!” Diane boasted. “But, for your protection, I will consent to hold your hands. Especially when the noisy fast things go by. You can protect me. I mean, I will protect you.”

“Oh you’re going to get to ride in a noisy fast thing! They’re called cars, and Barbara’s will be here soon!” Charlotte chuckled. 

A short time later, Barbara texted she and Pierre had arrived, and Barbara burst out of the car to squeal over Diane. “Oh my gods, you are just so CUTE! I mean, you were cute as a kitten, but this is even better!”

The little girl obviously preened under the affection, taking it as her due. “Yes, truly, I am the cutest in the world! All should praise me and my adorableness!” 

“How old are you, I wonder?” Barbara said as they all got into the car, Yennifer sitting up front with Pierre while everyone else sat in the back. Diane looked nervous about being in the “fast noisy thing” and clung tightly to Charlotte and Furina’s hands in the middle seat, looking slightly pale.

“She couldn’t have been more than a couple of weeks old when I found her,” Furina mused, but Barbara shook her head. 

“No, I mean, how old is she, physically? She looks like she’s ready to start Grande Section, so five or six?”

“What is this Grande Selection? Why are they picking me? Have they heard of my many marvelous qualities?” Diane asked suspiciously, peering out the window as the city sped by. There was light traffic on a Saturday morning, so they were going somewhat quickly, but not too fast. 

“But she sounds a lot older,” Charlotte mused. “Hmm, good question.”

“School,” Yennifer groaned, clutching her antlers. “She’s going to have to start school in the Fall! How do we register her for school!?”

“One thing at a time, dear,” Furina said, and Yennifer sighed and lowered her hands.

“Hehe, dear,” Charlotte snickered. “‘Cause she’s got antlers.”

Both Yennifer and Furina gave her flat looks, while Barbara giggled. That was why they were best friends. Same sense of humor!

The very first shop was a second-hand children’s clothing store. The clerk glanced at them when Diane came in, holding Charlotte and Barbara’s hands and looking around curiously. “Shoes are required for…” she trailed off, blinking in surprise. 

“I want shoes! Sparkly ones! Preferably in pink! It is my favorite color!” Diane declared loudly, her tail whisking back and forth, and one cat ear peaking out from the hat that had been shoved on her head. 

“She, um, well, she was a cat this morning,” Furina admitted. “She just sort of…” She gestured broadly. “Surprise! So, um, we will need shoes. And everything else.”

“I…I guess you will,” the clerk said, blinking slightly in shock. Then, she grinned and crouched in front of Diane. “Oh, she is so cute! Were you really a cat before, sweetie?”

In response, there was a poof of elemental energy, and Charlotte stumbled as Diane’s hand vanished from hers and the t-shirt fluttered to the ground. Diane scampered out from underneath it, then bolted for the shoe rack.

““DIANE!”” Yennifer and Furina screamed and scrambled after the kitten, bumping into clothing racks and displays with crashes and bangs as they chased their gleeful daughter about the store. The clerk just stood there, hands over her mouth in shock. A couple of other customers peered at the ruckus in confusion, and a few children cried excitedly, pointing at the kitten as it scampered about. 

“To answer your question,” Charlotte said, taking out her camera and a digital recorder. “Yes. Yes she was. Still is, in fact!” 

Furina finally managed to catch Diane after diving for her, only for Diane to turn back into a girl, sitting atop the sprawled out Furina and raising her hands in triumph. “Haha, that was fun! Now, let’s get clothes!”

“DIANE!” Yennifer shrieked, and grabbed the first dress to hand, stuffing the very naked child into it while the parents gasped and the other children laughed and pointed in delight. 

“Maman, look! The kitty turned into a girl!” 

“Papa, papa, can Mimi turn into a girl too?!”

“Everyone, may I have your attention please!” Charlotte declared, using her Vision to create a swirl of sparkling ice, which got the entire store to look at her. She beamed at everyone and gave her best winning smile. “Thank you! Please, excuse little Diane’s behavior. This is her first day being a human! She’s still learning how to behave, and I’m sure my sister and Mademoiselle Furina will give her quite the talking too! But, treat my little sister like you would any other person! And, if you’d like to give comments, Barbara and I will be doing interviews for how you feel about meeting the very first Enlightened Beast in France!” 

Turning to the clerk, Charlotte smiled, passing the camera over to Barbara and getting out her recorder for better audio. “Now, Mademoiselle…?”

“Um, Claire Moreau,” the clerk stammered, even as an older woman came out of the back, looking around in worry. “Oh, this is my employer, Madame Sophie Bernard!”

“What is going on? I saw a naked child on the CCTV, and a cat?” Mme Bernard said, frowning. “And why are you doing an interview, Sophie?” 

“That girl, she is the cat! She transformed right before my eyes!” Claire exclaimed. “One moment, she was a girl, the next, a cat, and her owners-”

“Parents,” Charlotte corrected. 

“Parents? Anyway, those two women, they caught her, and then she became a girl again! But they’re buying clothes, so…” Sophie trailed off and shrugged helplessly. 

“Really?” Mme. Berard said, looking shocked and peering at Furina and Yennifer as they scolded the sulking Diane. 

“Indeed! My little sister was my pet just last night!” Charlotte said with a hearty chuckle. Then she beamed. “Now, how do you feel about having the very first Enlightened Beast and her family as customers? This is a fantastic advertising opportunity for Les Petits Habits!”

“Wait, I know you, you were the one on the news, leading the parade!” Mme. Bernard gasped. “And that, that’s Furina de Fontaine! Wait, she’s gay? And has a daughter now!?”

“Yes to both!” Charlotte said cheerily. 

Mme. Bernard beamed. “Well, if you could get me tickets to Les Misérables, I’d be happy to give little Diane her first set of outfits! I’d pay for the tickets, of course, they’re simply impossible to get!” 

“I can get you tickets!” Furina called breathlessly, hurrying over. “For you and a plus one! If you’ll help us get clothing for Diane, we’d be eternally grateful! Um, Yennifer and I have never had a child before-”

“She’s really your girlfriend? I mean, I assume, I saw you embrace on the news,” Mme. Bernard said, blushing and smiling shyly at Furina.

“Um, yes. I, er, well, um, I hadn’t quite…accepted my sexuality, until that moment,” Furina admitted. 

Charlotte was drooling. This was the best interview EVER. She had already gotten massive offers from BFM TV and a few competitor stations, but this was going to catapult her channel to global prominence after she’d already gotten the scoop on Furina. 

“You look lovely together, and your daughter is darling,” Mme. Bernard said, beaming. “Come, come, I’ll help you pick out some outfits!”

“She wants shoes,” Sophie added hastily.

“Of course! She’ll need at least two pairs! And socks, of course,” Mme Bernard said excitedly, and hurried off to help get Diane dressed properly. 

Charlotte and Barbara worked as a team, interviewing several children who were very excited that they got to see a girl who could turn into a cat, or a cat turn into a girl, and were also very curious about Charlotte and Barbara’s Visions.

“Are you a Harbinger? Is the Tsaritsa scary?” one girl who looked to be about Diane’s age of five or six asked. 

“No, it’s just a Cryo Vision. I did hear the Tsaritsa, but I’m a loyal servant of Truth, and a proud citizen of France!” Charlotte declared. 

“Ok, good. I don’t like the Tsaritsa, she’s mean,” the girl agreed. 

“How do you feel about Diane? Would you like her to be in your class at school?” Charlotte prompted, trying to get away from her least favorite subject. 

The girl beamed. “Yes! She can be in Mme. Laurent’s class too! I’ll be her friend!” 

“You won’t be in Mme. Laurent’s class next year,” the girl’s mother prompted. “You’ll be in Grande Section, Camile.”

“Well, she can be in my class anyway. It would be fun!” Camile declared. 

Most of the other children expressed similar sentiments, with many asking how they could get their dog, cat, fish, or even a tortoise to turn into a boy or girl too. Charlotte honestly answered that it was magic, and she wasn’t sure how their pet could turn into a person. It may involve absorbing elemental energy, but Charlotte was pretty sure an Archon didn’t lose the V card every night. Or basically any night but the last one. 

After a couple of hours, they left the boutique with a strutting Diane, who was dressed in a cute little pink blouse with a blue jean skirt, Hello Kitty Special Edition Yae Miko pink trainers, and a cute black and orange beret with holes for her ears. Mme. Bernard having done modifications to all of Diane’s clothes to account for her unique physiology.

“I’m hungry! We should cook something good for lunch!” Diane declared

“Actually, I have been messaging Ling and Julie. We’re taking you to Wanmin Restaurant for lunch,” Furina said. 

Diane gasped with delight. “The Cooking Place! Yes! I must learn to be a master chef like Uncle Mao and Aunty Ling!” 

“Say thank you to Mme. Bernard for helping you with all your clothes,” Yennifer prompted, and Diane went back to hug the store owner, who beamed down at her. 

“Thank you very much! My clothes make me even more adorabler!” Diane proclaimed, twirling to show off her outfit, tail poking out of the hole made just for it. 

“They do, dear. Come back whenever you need another outfit!” Mme. Bernard said, and waved goodbye as they got back into the car. 

“Wanmin Restaurant, Pierre,” Barbara told the driver, and they sped off. This time, Diane tried to peer out of the window, but Yennifer was sitting with her this time and made her stay firmly with her seatbelt on. 

“Thank you for getting her a booster seat, Pierre,” Yennifer said fervently. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“My pleasure, Mademoiselle,” Pierre said with a chuckle. “It’s my own son’s old one, no bother. He hasn’t needed it in two decades. No kids of his own yet, sadly. And it’s been quite a while for little Barbara, hasn’t it?” 

“A few years,” Barbra admitted with a small smile. 

At Wanmin Restaurant, Ling and Chef Mao both came out to greet them, Ling squealing and picking Diane up in a hug. “Oh my gosh, she’s so cute! Is this really the same little kitten I used to feed from a glove?”

“Yes! It is me! I have returned, Master!” Diane said, beaming at Ling. “You must teach me how to make delicious meals, that I may fatten up my mothers and keep them from starving!” She leaned in close as Furina and Yennifer choked and sputtered and said in a stage whisper, “They do not even know how to cook a rat! They threw mine away!” 

“I have some recipes for rat, actually! When everything went to hell in China, well, you learned just to appreciate meat, no matter where it came from!” Ling said with a chuckle.

“See? I told you! If Master knows how to cook rat, you should too!” Diane huffed. 

“Not so loud, the customers might hear,” Chef Mao laughed. “And we only had rat the one time. Though I will confess…I was hungry enough to think it tasted good.”

“That was the last meal I made for mom,” Ling said, her normally chipper attitude faltering for a moment. She dashed away a tear, then grinned. “Come on! I’ll show you how to cook in the back! A tour, just for you, Diane!” 

There were new workers that Charlotte didn’t recognize, and Wanmin’s business was clearly booming. Everyone cooed over Diane, who got her very own chef’s hat and apron, and perched up on a stool, watching intently as Ling showed her how to make fried noodles and Mapo Tofu. She even got to put in some ingredients and stir a bit with close supervision.

“Haha! See? I shall soon become a master chef, just as I am a master huntress!” Diane declared proudly as she held up the noodles she had helped make. 

“And it only took twice as long with your help!” Ling said with a wink.

“Yes! With me, it is twice as good!” Diane declared, then frowned. “What. Why are you all laughing?”

“Because you’re too cute,” Furina told her, and kissed Diane on the cheek. 

The meal was wonderful, just as everything Ling made was, and Charlotte got a message back from Lepine-Pauline.

Yes! I totally did lose my job, my boss is a jerk! I’ll absolutely work for you and Mme. Furina! Are you really paying me 5000 francs to help make videos?! 

Ys, u will b my assistant 🧑‍💼got 2 make more vids, me and barbs need help sending u the files 🎬

“Hey Yen, I need to like, establish a company and stuff,” Charlotte said as her thumbs raced across her keyboard. “And hire someone.”

Yennifer did a wild take. “You need to what?”

“Oh, you know, my channel is really popping off, and I’m getting all these offers from newspapers and television stations and stuff,” Charlotte said casually. “I’m making money but the vids and stuff are a bunch of work, so I’m hiring an assistant. You know, Lepine-Pauline? The girl who got Furina macing those putains on video? She totally lost her job, and now she’s gonna work for me.”

“That is…” Yennifer groaned. “Contract law isn’t really my area of expertise, but I know the right people to get that set up. The problem is, you’re a minor, so…it would have to be in my name.”

“That’s cool. Barbara’s co-founder,” Charlotte said.

“My mother would probably be very supportive of us starting our own company,” Barbara agreed. “I haven’t had as much time to edit now that I’m acting full-time, but I still help.”

“Yeah, Lepine was a graphic artist or something, and she’s worked as a secretary, so she’ll be our first employee,” Charlotte agreed. 

Furina frowned. “And she knows you're a couple of teenagers?”

“Yeah, she’s worked a lot of jobs, and she says I’m nicer than most bosses she’s had. Oh, and I promised you’d sign some stuff for her, Furina. She’s going to help run your channel too,” Charlotte added. 

“Oh! Well, I guess I should make another video,” Furina said, frowning. “Thanking everyone for their support.”

“Yep, you’ll do another dance, do the thank you, and introduce the world to Diane at the same time my vid drops. We’ll have to do it fast, but Lepine can pull an all-nighter and so can Barbs and I since she doesn’t have a show.”

u r cool with an all niter, rite? 🌝🥱✍️🏋️

As long as you help me make sure I don’t get evicted, I’m whatever you need, boss! Lepine-Pauline can do anything but fail! Except for all those other times I failed, but starting today, no more failures!

After dinner, Charlotte did more interviews with Ling, Chef Mao, and Julie, who were all thrilled about little Diane. Truly, the entire world was going to fall in love with Charlotte’s little sister! This was great! Nothing could stop them now!

Leaning forward, Iron Mask looked at the photos his team had taken. “So this…thing…they are claiming it as That Woman’s daughter?”

“Yes, sir,” Cazeneuve said, pointing to one of the photos they’d blown up on a presentation. “She appears to be an Enlightened Beast, as they call it. Those appear around concentrations of elemental energy, and all three women in that apartment have Visions, so it’s not that surprising their pet cat became a girl.”

“No,” Iron Mask said calmly, laying the photos down and steepling his fingers. “It did not.”

Cazeneuve exchanged a puzzled look with the other agents in the room. “Sir?”

“It is an animal. A thing. Not a person,” Iron Mask said silkily. “And we will pass laws to such an effect.”

A slow smile spread over Cazeneuve’s face. “Oh! Yes, sir! I see. So, it’s just a stupid beast, then?”

“Legally, yes. And if That Woman tries to apply for any paperwork…deny it. That thing is no person. It is an abomination. Begin propaganda to that effect. Call them Archon Abominations. Emphasize that thing in China that can destroy villages, the bird and her pet monster she calls a daughter. And that horrible little creature the Shogun parades around. The people hate and fear the Japanese dragons enough after Keiga showed up and loomed over us. Lean into that.”

“Of course, sir, at once!” Cezeneuve agreed, and Iron Mask called the president, scheming up legislation that would see the cat unpersoned, and perhaps even seized if Lustria acted up. It was passed quickly, and signed into law. 

And with that signature, Iron Mask and the entire regime sealed their own doom. 

Author’s Note:

My favorite part of this chapter is actually that I found a way to get everyone’s second-favorite favorite girlfailure, Lepine-Pauline, into this story.