6.26.23 The Great

I need to wash my face, first and foremost.

Maybe I’ll do my makeup today.

I started my day with coffee—

We all make our mistakes.

Or maybe that’s not a mistake at all,

Maybe I’m too hard on myself. 

Religious OCD-

I hope I remember this time.

God is joy, forgiveness, Love.

He already loves me as much as He ever will.

He already decided what blessings He would bestow on me.

He’s already forgiven my trespasses; present; future.

He’s already taken into account the pace at which I learn.

His favor, my salvation are things I could not possibly earn;

These are gifts.

Thank you God. For life. For CHOOSING ME.

I can’t believe you chose me.

How terrifying to imagine a life, a death, where you did not choose me.

Thank you for loving me,

For making me your daughter.

I have theories I come up with- that’s all they are, theories.

They should absolutely not be taken as anything but theories.

They are not truth. 

In the extremely slim-to-none chance they are true,

I could not actually possibly know that.

But still, it’s fun to theorize.

To theorize about the beginning of it all,

the reason for it all,

the steps that were taken to get us to today-

To me, that’s seeking God. It’s just exploring Him, wondering about Him.

Fantasizing about knowing Him, the day we get to meet Him and ask Him questions.

Who the angels are in relations to us, in relation to Him.

Do some still fall?

When satan rebelled, how far did He let him get before He struck him down?

There is one question I still grapple with, but know better than to ask.

There are some things we need to simply accept because we do not know what we do not know.

All we know, if we’re so blessed, is that God is always good, all the time.

Good is not always “nice.”

God did it, God allowed it, so it is good.

For reasons we do not understand, all He does is good.

Like the behemoth, the dragon He showed Job, God’s monsters are so good.

His justice, eternal punishment… all of this is good.

God is good, God is good, God is good.

Good is greater than great.

He is good.