Script rework? (Spoilers!)
Added 2022-03-05 19:46:40 +0000 UTCOk, I think I've had a revelation with regards to my script for the current chapter.
A lot of you might remember that I've struggled with this script. There's so much to write down and so many monologue scenes where it's JUST faces, and the chapter was looking at being a billion pages. I've tried to trim and rewrite and all sorts multiple times, but each time walked away feeling unsatisfied going 'I'll revisit when it's closer to the time'.
Welp, this weekend was gonna be my revisit moment and I've had a sort of midnight revelation. Mostly focused around 'what are the parts of the current script I'm most excited to get to'? and 'how can I get to them quicker. '
There are spoilers here, so only give this a glance if you've read the 80% script. Then maybe let me know what you think! I hate to rework and rewrite SO much, but I think this might be better? Maybe?
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My outstanding concerns, and lingering 'this needs work'...
- Nick has a monologue, Owen has a monologue <-- tough to draw and not be tiring to read.
- Judy's KO'd for the convo (even though I planned to loop her in at the end), and if it takes me another year to finish the chapter, it'll 'feel' like she's been left out of the consenting-loop-discussion for too long.
- I will be working on this chapter for a million years if I'm not surgical.
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With that in mind, I'm thinking of changing the flow from:
Owen and Nick start a conversation 'tell me how you want me to fuck you up' --> Nick says he wants MORE --> Owen says hell yeah --> surprises Nick with 'rules and orders' lots of talk --> Nick tentatively cleans up Owens tied-gooey mess after an intense order --> Judy wakes up in surprise --> They loop her in and we have some fun aftercare.
To:
Owen and Nick start a conversation 'tell me how you want me to fuck you up' --> Time passes, we don't immediately know what's been said --> Judy wakes up in surprise finding Nick tentatively cleaning up Owens tied-gooey mess --> Owen and a messy faced Nick loop her in on what she missed --> instead of the whole convo between Owen and Nick I can now cherry-pick and sample some choice scenes --> Judy's delighted and we end on some happy aftercare.
The end result?
A bigger rewrite. Less Monologue. More of what I WANT to draw and sooner; (gooey-faced Nick licking up that mess). Judy's looped in earlier and acts like as our avatar/listener for some flashbacks. Things we lose; some slow build-up moments, and bull-talking-to-cuck-wriggling intensity. Shorter more manageable chapter, hopefully.
Thoughts on this idea my higher-tiered friends? (Not looking for fresh ideas at this time; as I don't want to derail or feature creep - just looking for your 2 cents on my idea!)
Comments
Buuut doing so, it would maybe interesting to "follow" Judy here - means we fade out as she tilts and pick the story up when she gets back, to Owen explaining what happened - again supported by panels you already did but quicker than the "regular" form, and then having the option of making a bonus short comic
Jacky Blue
2022-03-07 08:10:06 +0000 UTCThis might going to become a longer test... I really felt like, even if Judy is in there, that this was a Nick-Owen Moment. A scene where it revolves around what Nick, and Nick alone, wants. How far he'd go, how far he wants it to go. This is something really important in my eyes: the content and consent from the submissive male. So many stories are about cheating turning cuckold, the female and the bull having the decisions and the Cuck being left out or under their feet, in any way without a saying. This, this here is different. And I really appreciate it. That said.. I know how much work it is and I want you to draw what you want to draw. Hm. You could go and let Owen explain to Judy after her coming back to senses and maybe, if you feel like, add the talk in a later bonus page if you feel like. That way, the base work you already did isn't wasted, you can smoothen the chapter etc..
Jacky Blue
2022-03-07 08:07:41 +0000 UTCI like the rewrite, and I love the idea of Nick sheepishly telling Judy the new rules while Own smirks behind him interjecting as necessary. I say go for it.
jim
2022-03-07 04:19:09 +0000 UTC
